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Original poster

Anyone else rowing with family/ friends over the rules?

45 replies

tearsandtiaras · 27/12/2020 12:24

I seem to spend my life arguing with friends/ family atm over covid,

i follow the science not the rules and won't just blindly do what Boris says.

For e.g I wouldn't have met up with 3 households on xmas day just because Boris said. The numbers were
too high it didn't feel safe.

I drive everywhere and haven't been shopping or seen anyone indoor since before the second lockdown or broken any rules.

Some of my friends / family break rules as and when it suits them with no clear reasons why- for eg refusing to meet me outside for a walk as its too " dangerous" as tier 4 but had a group of people over on Christmas day all who haven't had covid and all who take public transport

It infuriates me as it makes no sense and i lose out on emotional contact with them and its feels personal. my MH has taken a huge dip. I've seen no one for months except DP and our relationship is at breaking point

Does anyone else have similar arguments with their family?

OP posts:
Original poster
tearsandtiaras · 27/12/2020 12:26

We are all tier 4 just to add

OP posts:
hashbrownsandwich · 27/12/2020 12:34

A member of my extended family is furious that we wouldn't have the grandparents (in their 90s and diabetic) over on Boxing Day. He said 'you go out to work and see people but you're not prepared to see them?'. I said as frontline NHS that's exactly why I won't risk seeing anyone we don't have to, including family.

hashbrownsandwich · 27/12/2020 12:34

All tier 4

PhilCornwall1 · 27/12/2020 12:44

Nope, don't argue as I don't talk about it to others. What I do is nobody's business outside of the people I live with.

Original poster
tearsandtiaras · 27/12/2020 12:47

Philcornwall do you not ever met up with anyone then?

OP posts:
balloon27 · 27/12/2020 12:49

Arguing with DH over this now as we tested positive 12th,13th -22nd ( but think first symptom was 16th) but no way to be sure!
He wants to travel 140 miles to stay over with his family we're there is a newborn! He's being ridiculous but will not listen 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Missfelipe · 27/12/2020 12:51

Yep! Our family members fall into three categories...those really sticking to the rules (us) those really not sticking to the rules but at least being upfront about it and then the worst category in my opinion...the ones that claim to be sticking to the rules then pleading ignorance about what the rules actually are/hiding any breaches then complaining and being hysterical when there are yet more restrictions. Our parents fall into the last category and it’s infuriating. I’m at the point where I can’t face speaking to them as I’m afraid of what I might say in anger. It’s really changed the way we see some people and I’m not sure we can come back from it sadly.

PhilCornwall1 · 27/12/2020 12:52

@tearsandtiaras

Philcornwall do you not ever met up with anyone then?
Yep, but won't talk about "the rules" with them, or covid if I can help it.
Original poster
tearsandtiaras · 27/12/2020 12:53

missfelipe yes! If your going to break the rules then do it and be honest! Its the people who are breaking the rules as and when it suits them but trying to take the moral high ground when they are keeping them which is really getting my goat.

The bullshitting and bending is getting to me

OP posts:
CarryOnFestiveNamechanging · 27/12/2020 12:54

Friends - no. All are sticking to the rules.

Family put us under pressure to break the rules. They seem to have the idea that the virus will know that we are family and won’t be spread amongst us. Family in tier 4 have broken lots of the rules (big ones not minor ones).

Original poster
tearsandtiaras · 27/12/2020 12:55

philcornwall i think thats a good stance. If i could get to the point of actually being able to meet people I would do this too

OP posts:
LindaEllen · 27/12/2020 13:03

I've had some arguments about family expecting me to come round when it just wasn't allowed, and I refused (for their benefit!) and I think it's so horrible that now, the people who are sticking to the rules are so often being treated like social pariahs, as if we're the ones in the wrong.

NoSuchThingAsCheese · 27/12/2020 13:03

Yes. Dd wants to go spend money at poundland. I day it isnt an essential journey. She is in a massive strop. Not helped by dh saying it's probably fine.

NoSuchThingAsCheese · 27/12/2020 13:04

We are T4, btw

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/12/2020 13:16

Not arguing but all our family are following the rules and also agreed that no mixing over Christmas was the most sensible option.

Friends feel differently, some are and some aren’t so we have distanced ourselves from a few as they have shown a side we didn’t realise was there before.

SparkyTheCat · 27/12/2020 13:40

Yes, my parents tried to push me into agreeing that DH and I would drive halfway across the country to meet them at a service station on Christmas day. Technically this was (I think?) allowed, but DH and I felt uncomfortable about it. Cue my parents crying, shouting and wheedling down the phone. Particularly Hmm given previous discussions about respecting different situations and perceptions of risk (I'm clinically vulnerable). This is part of a much longer pattern of behaviour, and a sad reminder that DM in particular cannot be trusted to look out for my interests Xmas Sad She probably wonders why I moved so far away...

kazza446 · 27/12/2020 23:55

Yep. My brother is a complete tit. He’s a non-believer and thinks it’s “just flu.” He has his child 1.5 days per week at weekends, so considers himself a single parent. He uses this to allegedly be part of my parents bubble. He therefore travels 100 miles at least every other weekend on public transport with said child to visit my parents. He then usually leaves child at my parents then goes to his girlfriends for the night. He will then go to my parents with girlfriend and her kids. I’m sick to the back teeth trying to highlight the risk to my parents but they are afraid of upsetting him. His girlfriend is also a non believer so has been filling my mum with shit about her sister allegedly being a nurse and local hospitals being empty with staff having nothing to do. My job involves tracking outbreaks in care homes and facilitating hospital discharges so it boils my piss to hear such rubbish. I’m sick to the back teeth of it all. You can’t teach stupid I guess.

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 28/12/2020 00:05

This is going to become more common as people get fed up with restrictions that only half make sense.

You do you.

LadyLazaruss · 28/12/2020 00:08

@RuleWithAWoodenFoot

This is going to become more common as people get fed up with restrictions that only half make sense.

You do you.

This
Yummymummy2020 · 28/12/2020 00:22

Yes! So annoying!!! We are following them as best we can and have become considered paranoid weirdos almost as a result! I am the black sheep for not wanting to cram into a small room with 16 people from different households for dinner on Xmas day! I am paranoid for getting my shopping online where I can, and anxious for minimising socialising as much as possible. This is irrespective of the fact I am pregnant with health conditions that put me in the vulnerable group anyway. People can be so selfish and instead of trying to understand why we are following the health advice, begrudge us for keeping our family and others safe! So so frustrating!

VanGoghsDog · 28/12/2020 00:29

I can't be bothered arguing with them about it, so no.

I do have to remind my mum who then bleats on about "but surely.....", no mum, that's not what the rules say..... She still jiggles herself about to allow her to do as she wishes. She's CEV and are still drives to the shops, with a neighbor because she's not confident enough to drive on her own, and when I tell her she needs to get deliveries she says 1) but I need the driving practice, and 2) but they can't deliver until Tuesday and I need the thing today. I have told her this is the same for everyone and it's down to PLANNING!

My sister and her family just do whatever they want as far as I can see. I don't contact her because it makes me angry and I don't want to hear her tying herself in knots over her justifications - "it's not as if anyone coming actually has Covid...." she says.

Meanwhile, I sit at home alone while they all have loads of family around them.

Yohoheaveho · 28/12/2020 00:37

Is anyone not rowing about them ...more like 👀

BluebellsGreenbells · 28/12/2020 00:46

I wonder how honest these people are with the track and trace people?

Surely they must lie if they catch it?

This is the biggest issue. How many times have we heard ‘but I haven’t been anywhere?’ Nonsense.

Ilovemyhairbeingstroked · 28/12/2020 06:36

Yes - hubby and I are on the same page but I have some relatives who either bury their head in the sand and won’t watch the news - but then feed my elderly parents inaccurate information and other relatives who believe all the conspiracy theories on twitter , but when challenged get very defensive. It’s definitely made me see them in another light.

inquietant · 28/12/2020 06:45

There are differences of opinions but I don't get into arguments. My view is - you can't come into my house without my inviting you and I can't be dragged anywhere I don't want to go.

I am pretty stubborn Grin so emotional blackmail doesn't work on me, I just do the stuck record technique.

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