The pandemic has really affected my child's mental health badly - anyone else?

[Musicaldilemma]

My 7 year old has been really badly affected by the pandemic, from a mental health point of view.

He used to be the most lovely, helpful and loving/affectionate child. Since March, he has become aggressive when things do not go his way, he cannot deal with any of us (family) saying "no" to him and the smallest things make him have a meltdown. He screams and shouts. He does not want to be touched/hugged much anymore.

We have talked about it extensively and he believes he cannot control his emotions or behaviour anymore at home. It all started with mild anxiety in February and lots of questions about Covid and if we (his parents) or siblings will die. Then the homeschooling went badly because he does not want to learn at home, just at school. So he would refuse to follow any instructions from us.

At school, he is quiet and very well behaved and top set and they seem very happy with him. Recent online parent evening, no issues at all. He has some friends there too. I think he is shy and not the most confident socially, but he does have some friends (mainly girls).

I have looked at Young Minds and am thinking of telling the school about all his issues at home. What else should I do? I need him to realise that he is in "control" of his behaviour/emotions. I just want him to be the happy little boy he was. Anyone else going through similar?

Yes, sounds like my ten year old. At one point she started self harming.

She has regressed massively, not helped by the fact she is in a class away from her closest friends so has lost most of her support network. She has developed insomnia and we are having a horrible time.

We are trying to focus on positives (difficult at the moment) and spending time playing board games, walking the dog and making sure we have 30 minutes each day where she can just vent about anything. its hard and i cry when she goes to bed most days.

I work with toddlers and am seeing the damage done on a daily basis with them as well as older children.

My daughter has lost her confidence and spark during lockdown. Fortunately she has amazing school teachers who recognise that she is suffering from anxiety and have organised play therapy at school which has just started - she had to wait for 2 months because the school counsellor has been so busy because so many children at her school are suffering mentally due to lockdown.

My daughter is an only child and has struggled with not seeing her granny and seeing less of her aunts and uncles. She has found not being able to see her friends in lockdown hard. After being at home for so long she found the return to school difficult. I have a secure job and am now able to work from home, but the change to her routine and reduced family and fried contact has been very hard on her. She now is developing fears - of the dark, sleeping alone which may be to do with her increasing age and imagination or maybe due to those around her being on high alert due to Covid. She misses hugging her granny who she used to see weekly and now isn’t able to go into her house - she is sad that she goes to school and so is an exposure risk.

Yes .. my ten year is suffering terribly.. it’s breaking my heart . She was a happy carefree child but developed a bone tumour in her femur three years ago so life changed for her . She had an op in September 2019 to remove it and put titanium rods in her legs and we’d just got the all clear in Feb . We had a summer of fun planned as she had missed out on so much , due to the constant risk of her femur fracturing she hadn’t been able to even do pe at school .. then this happened and all the fun things were cancelled and since March she hasn’t seen a school friend outside of school or our family . My 16 year old has autism so rarely leaves his room but I have three grown up children who she hasn’t seen for months and she’s become so isolated and lonely . She doesn’t sleep , has nightmares , cries all the time . School initially were supportive and organised counselling but now because she’s refusing to go to school a lot they are pointing the finger of blame at me . It’s a tiny church run school and they’ve tried to imply that because I’m a lone parent that’s the issue , I’m at a loss as to what to do watching my happy go lucky little girl go downhill

@Glenthebattleostrich

Yes, sounds like my ten year old. At one point she started self harming.

She has regressed massively, not helped by the fact she is in a class away from her closest friends so has lost most of her support network. She has developed insomnia and we are having a horrible time.

We are trying to focus on positives (difficult at the moment) and spending time playing board games, walking the dog and making sure we have 30 minutes each day where she can just vent about anything. its hard and i cry when she goes to bed most days.

I work with toddlers and am seeing the damage done on a daily basis with them as well as older children.

I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. I hope things improve and she gets her “spark” back.

I’m wondering as I have a toddler, what damage you see with toddlers? I feel there are some things that may be issues I should be aware of/doing something about, but as she is my first and I’ve not spent much time around children, it’s hard to know what is normal and what might be related to lack of socialisation/ normality etc. It would be helpful to know how it might be affecting other small children to see what to keep in mind.

My 7yo was showing depressed behaviour around June/ July. He became uncharacteristically rude and beligerent. Some days he'd flop on my bed staring at the TV vacantly. He'd cry that he needed new friends. He doesn't engage with phonecalls or video calling.

We had some reprisal of it in November when his swimming and karate stopped. Other sports/ activities did not come back at all since March.

He needs to run around with other children. He's had difficulty settling back into friendship groups since September and I have contacted school to support with this.

DS1 has ASD and is fine with a quiet life, but that doesn't mean it's good for him. He's been relieved to get a couple of sports back. He also has dyspraxia and is deeply unimpressed that DS2 has now caught up to the same belt in Karate as breaks and disruption affect DS1's progress more.

Home learning was a disaster for both of them.

The rules this year have really shafted a generation who gain the least benefit from them.

Same here, DD has just turned 13. This year everything has been ripped away from her, she's lost confidence, she's anxious and feels quite down.
She had a falling out with her best friend just before the first lockdown, and nothings gone back to normal. She feels too worried about covid to really commit to new friendships.

We had parents evening after she returned back to school, all the teachers said that she lacked confidence but is not keen to partake in anything that'll increase her confidence.

I got us some positivity books, which she refuses to use, so I'm planning ahead and going through the tasks with her, without her knowing they're from the book.
A lot of it is, so I've been thinking, and I think you are x/y/z or you are so x/y/z for being able to face a hard situation or I appreciate that you are x/y/z.

We sit at the table and discuss the most crap thing about her day when she's sad, and we try to highlight something that's positive after, or a way to make that situation different.

We exercise, which is a bloody pain to get her to do, but when we're out, walking, she does laugh, she opens up a little.

Sometimes we talk about how its ok to be ANGRY and SAD and MAD, but those feelings like everything else will pass.

We also try and practice being thankful, and we spend time doing things for others less fortunate.

I think its helping, as she started counselling and could list a lot of good things about herself that I'd been telling her for weeks.

She has regressed somewhat, she's started drinking fruit shoots and watching peppa pig and wanted a huge Teddy for Christmas. I think its just a time that was safer and less complicated.

Some days are harder than others, and it all takes a huge amount of coaxing to make anything any different.

I hope everyone's kids start to feel better soon

Really sorry to hear these stories. Hopefully more work will be done into unpicking why some children suffered and why others seem to have breezed through the situation, so we can all learn how to mitigate these issues in the future.

Thank you for sharing your stories. I am so sorry to hear that your children are suffering too. I really hope they feel better soon.

@spacecadetagain - your DD is incredibly brave and strong and it is so unfair what she has had to go through.

My DS’s school is usually very hot on mental health issues, but we have not had any questionnaires about mental impact on children. We have had a questionnaire about online learning instead.

Did you receive anything from your schools? Or are the schools relying on us as parents to raise the issue/waiting for kids to not cope at school? Or is it a GP issue? I am so confused as to what I am meant to do with my child. He is young and I feel if I try and do as much as possible now, then perhaps it won’t be so bad for him in the future.

It’s breaking my heart reading these posts 😥 personally my dds school seemed to be skipping along in blissful ignorance convinced that all the children just needed to attend school and all would be well , they were quite shocked when I raised it

This is exactly why the schools need to be a priority and should be kept open. The mental health impact is huge.

I've been in almost constant communication with DDs school. I had to broach the subject with them. I have to keep picking the subject up again and again.

I have also spoken with the GP who referred her for counselling.

Wishing you all the best.

Hopefully more work will be done into unpicking why some children suffered and why others seem to have breezed through the situation, so we can all learn how to mitigate these issues in the future

Sorry to hear some of your DC are struggling and hope things improve for them soon. I suspect, sadly, that MH issues in the young will turn out to be fairly widespread - I’m sure some DC have indeed ‘breezed through’ but I’m also aware of a number of issues with various friends’ children who ‘loved’ lockdown the first time round (with all the usual baking/crafting/Joe Wicks posts on social media) but who are now really struggling. And of course some parents won’t be picking up on the subtle signs of emerging mental health issues until it’s too late.

@BabyofMine
The impact of the pandemic on very young children is an area that I feel has been almost totally overlooked up till now. DD is only just 3 and is luckily still fairly oblivious about the situation (although it has become noticeably harder to explain away random closures etc as restrictions have dragged on). However, I have professional experience in Early Years education and a Master’s in an area allied to child development/psychology and I do worry about the fallout from the very limited social interaction and diminished life experience that many young children currently have. It’s true (as many here on MN claim) that the current cohort of toddlers probably won’t remember much about this time, but that’s not to say they are unaffected - I’m fairly certain that when these kids start school teachers will notice a significant uptick in language and communication issues and behavioural problems, and a decline in levels of knowledge and understanding of the world.

Since April (and to the horror of some on MN) I’ve made a point of ensuring DD continues to accompany me on shopping trips, travel on public transport and access as many facilities as are open to us. Despite the situation we encourage her to interact with others, eg by ordering her own food in a cafe or ‘chatting’ to a sales assistant in the supermarket. We’ve been lucky in that we can afford things like private toddler classes and pool membership, as in many cases these have continued where council-run facilities have remained firmly closed. I wear a mask to communicate with DD only when it is strictly mandated (so never out on a park walk etc) and ensure that we’re doing lots of language based activities at home (story time, songs and rhymes, board games etc).

But I’m aware that I’m incredibly fortunate as a well educated current SAHM with relevant teaching experience - the majority of families aren’t as equipped to recognise potential issues and often can’t mitigate the situation for their DC to the same extent. It sounds hyperbolic, and I do get all the stuff about kids being ‘resilient’ and ‘bouncing back’, but I fear for the future of DD’s generation in some ways.

My 7 year old was like this when school closed. He's an only child and didn't see any other children for months. I'm absolutely dreading more potential school closures.

Yes. DS is 14 . We can't remember when he last saw any friends or did any activities with them.
He's desperately lonely. No time for any social contact at school. 10 mins break taken up queuing for toilet and 20 min lunch spent in dining room in set seating.

Yes - bookmarking.

We were already waiting for a CAMHS referral in March - still waiting.

Similar here with DD 9. I've had to really push the school to take it seriously as she's a quiet child so 'no trouble'. They didn't seem concerned at first even though it was clear that she has lost confidence at school and is displaying anxiety.

After some back and forth they have now referred her to an external support service and we're in the assessment stage. They've recommended a book by Cathy Cresswell called Helping Your Child With Worries and Fears which I've ordered.

Sounds like typical 7 year old behaviour to me.
Why are you talking abiut his emotions and covid all the time. Kids at that age cannot use abstract reasoning. Sounds to me you are just driving his anxiety. Also very normal for kids to ask and talk about death as they realise life is not forever.
If school.say he is doing well then it is definitely home based issues. Sounds odd but really the lessypu over discuss things and let him work out stuff the befter. Some kids are slower to develop emotionally and parents take away their practice runs by over explaining and over complicating things.

My 16 year old was actually under the care of CAHMS and when we went into the first lockdown he was discharged due to them removing their case loads .. he’s really struggled as has autism and severe anxiety . It’s been a nightmare .. I was told that CAHMS locally would not take anyone on now unless the child was suicidal !

My 14yo dd has developed anorexia over lockdown 😰 I honestly don't believe it would have happened if lockdown hadn't happened. It's been devastating for her and the whole family and I don't see any end in sight for her recovery at the moment.

School is making my DS, 12, miserable. It is so soulless, queuing endlessly to handwash in silence, no play together, no music, no clubs, everything dull and frightening. I can't wait for school closure again. He was so much happier

@Musicaldilemma The reason schools are not surveying mental health/‘relying on parents’ is because they are running on empty themselves. Extra duties/supervision/providing learning for SI children/cleaning means that teachers are working even longer hours, SLT are at the whim of ever changing DFE demands and there is not one penny extra coming in to pay for all this so as sad as it is it’s things like this that will fall by the wayside.

My DS is almost 14. The lack of social contact has to be affecting children of all ages is different ways.

At 14 he wants to, and should be, finding his way, and getting out there socialising and interacting with his mates. We live in Leicestershire so he's been unable to meet anyone inside all along, and outside for much of the time too.

It's so hard for young people.

It’s breaks my heart how much it’s affected my 6 year old. She’s been better since schools went back in sept but still not the child she was, she’s lost her spark and seems very easily angry with us/the world

So worried about whether the schools will switch to home learning again as that will be the tip of the iceberg for her, but also were CEV parents so it’s a lose/lose either way as I don’t think the schools will be safe to go back next month (I’m in the top 3 of infected areas in England)

Ds in common with many similar children (asd and severe learning difficulties) didn't understand why everything changed overnight and had increased anxiety due to the change in routines. We had a large increase in self injurious and aggressive behaviour and non stop stimming. Fortunately he was able to stay in school and with increased meds and finding a new routine he has to large extent calmed down.
What I won't be doing is changing any routines or stopping seeing the family member he has started seeing again irrespective of any covid rules. I am not putting him through the anxiety he suffered in Spring again.

It has definitely affected my 9 year old, he really struggled in the first lockdown, especially from June when his brothers were able to go back to school/nursery and he wasn’t, he was crying most days about missing his friends and school. He was in a transition year too so missed out completely on the end of first school, the last time he went there was March, and the lack of a proper end affected him too.

He was much better over the summer when we could see a few friends and starting his new school in September, but from about half term he has begun to struggle a bit again with the things being different, and I do worry about the impact a second closure would have on him. My other two have generally been ok