The pandemic has really affected my child's mental health badly - anyone else?

[Musicaldilemma]

My 7 year old has been really badly affected by the pandemic, from a mental health point of view.

He used to be the most lovely, helpful and loving/affectionate child. Since March, he has become aggressive when things do not go his way, he cannot deal with any of us (family) saying "no" to him and the smallest things make him have a meltdown. He screams and shouts. He does not want to be touched/hugged much anymore.

We have talked about it extensively and he believes he cannot control his emotions or behaviour anymore at home. It all started with mild anxiety in February and lots of questions about Covid and if we (his parents) or siblings will die. Then the homeschooling went badly because he does not want to learn at home, just at school. So he would refuse to follow any instructions from us.

At school, he is quiet and very well behaved and top set and they seem very happy with him. Recent online parent evening, no issues at all. He has some friends there too. I think he is shy and not the most confident socially, but he does have some friends (mainly girls).

I have looked at Young Minds and am thinking of telling the school about all his issues at home. What else should I do? I need him to realise that he is in "control" of his behaviour/emotions. I just want him to be the happy little boy he was. Anyone else going through similar?

Yes, my eldest child suffered a great deal during the first lockdown. Came to a head after a falling out with a friend and resulted in suicidal thoughts. I can categorically say that he has never, ever experienced feelings like that before and is usually the most happy, spritely, positive, least angsty kid you could meet.

That is what long term social isolation can do.

Really sorry to hear these stories. Hopefully more work will be done into unpicking why some children suffered and why others seem to have breezed through the situation, so we can all learn how to mitigate these issues in the future.

Im not sure what you mean by this but this comment comes across very snide.

It isn't normal or in any way healthy for a child to be isolated from friends and activities for long periods of time.

I'd actually be much more concerned about some of the children who supposedly 'breezed' through it, either that any signs were unnoticed or that they struggle socially and at school in normal times and therefore found the isolation easier than dealing with life.

@Barbie222

Really sorry to hear these stories. Hopefully more work will be done into unpicking why some children suffered and why others seem to have breezed through the situation, so we can all learn how to mitigate these issues in the future.

I would imagine the answer to that is simply because all children are different....

My eldest really suffered, very emotional, very angry, started picking at his skin a lot. He settled down almost immediately after going back to school in September. My youngest has breezed through it with no real issue apart from boredom at all.

As someone who works in CAMHS, the mental health impact on children and young people is huge, and the true effect will be seen in 10, 20 years time. It's so sad especially as children and young people are usually so adaptable, but if there are other coexisting conditions such as autism and ADHD then the whole change and uncertainty is understably unsettling. It would be worth visiting some self help books such as the Cathy Cresswell someone recommended above and websites before speaking to school and GP.

This thread is so sad. It’s really upsetting to think so many young people are suffering to this extent. I’m sending positive thoughts out to all.
We’ve been so fortunate - 3 yr old DS hasn’t had any issues but his nursery have been fantastic. They are an ‘outdoorsy’ type place and you send them in with their warm, waterproof clobber and they’ve spent loads of time outside most days.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies

My 14yo dd has developed anorexia over lockdown 😰 I honestly don't believe it would have happened if lockdown hadn't happened. It's been devastating for her and the whole family and I don't see any end in sight for her recovery at the moment.

Our eldest is the same age and yes anorexia developed over lockdown and I'm also convinced triggered by it. Eating Disorders are hell. No help from our GP or the NHS and so we are paying privately. Its a long hard road. I hope she will get better but it's hard to see the light sometimes. 2020 will go down as our worst ever year. And I'm including the year my dad died.

My five year old DD really suffered during the first lockdown, becoming very anxious and clingy. She is an only child and didn’t interact in person with another child for months. We are still seeing the effects of this to an extent, although she has improved massively since schools went back. I’m absolutely dreading further school closures.

What really pisses me off is the large numbers of people (including many on this site) who insist that this isn’t an issue, that months of enforced isolation have no effect on kids, that parents who suggest they do are hysterical snowflakes, and that children are ‘resilient’ and will bounce back. Resilience isn’t an unlimited resource.

@BabyofMine, the initial impact is an increase in separation anxiety, lots of regressive behaviour (unable to share for example), lack of life experiences (cultural capital is the buzz phrase i. eyfs!). It sounds really silly but one of our best activities used to be walking to the next village, visiting one of the elderly ladies who lived there, getting her shopping list and going on the bus with another lady from the street. Doesn't sound much but the benefits to the children were huge. They interact with another generation, learn about helping others, go on a bus, handle money, find items from a list (matching skills), be a (very valuable) part of their community. We did it around toddler group or soft play where they would interact with other children learn turn taking and sharing. Now they cry if another child comes into the playground 😢. They absorb so much and we are feeding them our fear and paranioa (obviously not intentionally).

Thank you everyone for sharing and all the tips.

The reference to resilience is very pertinent. I feel like my DS had good resilience and it has been entirely depleted by the pandemic/school closures/confusion/worries and now the smallest stuff sets him off. I don’t think he had any autistic tendencies previously. Yes, he was always a little bit shy and really into facts/understanding the world, but just a quiet and intellectual little boy. It is like he has had a breakdown somehow and I just want to help him get better. He also seemed fine at school in September/October but a recent isolation was very triggering for him, almost like everything resurfaced again.

I am so sorry to hear about anorexia issues. I don’t know anything really about child psychology but I had a close friend who went through eating disorders when I was young. I remember there being an issue of trying to control food and when reality as you know it breaks down around you, as a young person, it makes sense that some young people would try and regain control by controlling what they can eg food intake.

It has affected my older one, ds is 17, 18 in March and already had Aspergers and anxiety and has ended up on antidepressants.

He pretty much lost his whole routine overnight. He’s studying for his A levels at an excellent 6th form college ( his school only went up to year 11 ) and had just got back from a drama trip to New York, he was so happy and had loads to look forward to.

It’s been a bloody hard year. He hardly left his bedroom for the first 3 months. This is a lad who had such a busy life before, traveling to and from college, playing his team sport, a season ticket holder for a premier league football club and seeing his large group of friends.
He was also obsessed with the daily figures and death rates and was ( and still is to some extent ) of himself and is catching covid and dying.

I feel like our kids have massively lost out on so much.
My dd is 9 and it hasn’t affected her MH at all. She mainly missed her weekend activities and her friends but coped well.

@Thegentleman

So so sad to hear these stories once a childs mental health gets affected very difficult to prevent problems in the future. This government lockdown has a lot to answer for they have chosen the nuclear button by locking most things down. The list of side effects and deaths from this lockdown are going to be monumental, wait until the furlough scheme ends and mass unemployment follows at a scale we have never seen before, then let austerity mk2 on steroids to start. The are showing graph after graph of projected virus infection rates and deaths, but when asked to show the consequences of lockdown they dont have that data.... I strongly believe the governments actions will kill and cause more harm than the virus ever would. There should have been measures in place to support the shielding and vulnerable people, not lock the full UK down including healthy adults and children.

It’s not a popular opinion but I agree with you.

Bakewell and kris I'm so so sorry to hear your teens are suffering with anorexia as well, you're right it is absolutely hell and 2020 will also go down as my worst year ever (worse even than the year dd ended up in itu and nearly died 4 years ago.)

There's a parents of teens with ED thread running in the Eating Disorder section of mn (under health I think.) It's been a real God send to me.

The Royal College of Paediatrics warning of a huge increase in eating disorders:
www.rcpch.ac.uk/news-events/news/paediatricians-warn-parents-be-alert-signs-eating-disorders-over-holidays