DS’s dad visiting him during coronavirus tier 3/4 measures

[WashingMachineCrisis]

Hi everyone. I’ll try to keep this brief but am hoping to get some help dealing with a difficult ex-H.

We separated over a year and a half ago and since then, despite earning over twice what I do, he’s pleaded poverty and has been sofa surfing and coming to my house to see our 5 year old as and when it suits him. He’s a shit dad and remains almost wholly distant except for the odd hour or so visit but that’s for a whole separate thread.

He’s currently in a tier 3 area (due to go to tier 4 in a couple of days I think) and wants to travel up the country to see our son in a day or so. He’s been staying with his family and I’m not keen on him being here to be honest, but have never previously said anything to him for two reasons; one I don’t want to stand in the way of him having a relationship with his son and two, I’m quite wary of him (not physically as much but I don’t like his nasty side when he doesn’t get what he wants).

I know I should tell him no but I can’t see any guidance around separated parents visiting their children in the old family home. If we’re breaking the rules I know he wouldn’t pay the fine and that would be left to me too.

Is there anyone here that can advise me? Thanks everyone.

@WashingMachineCrisis

You seem to me OP to be offering him contact on your terms only in a manner that you want him to refuse so you can then paint him as an uncaring father.

DC need both parents. Rather than putting barriers up, you should be seeing what you can do to facilitate your DC seeing his father

Your ex would be well within his rights to consult a solicitor if you’re being deliberately awkward or uncooperative

Genuinely wondering what I’ve done that you think is awkward and uncooperative @LitPeach

I’ve allowed him to see his child whenever he likes; he’s been able to come into my home when he likes and I still have to look after my son as he won’t actually do anything when he’s here. Half of the time he doesn’t turn up or will go missing for weeks. If I told him he could no longer come whenever the hell he felt like turning up it would still mean he could take his child out. Please tell me how you think that’s unfair? I’m worried he will come here with Covid after mixing with all his extended family and trust me, he wouldn’t be around to have our son if I was ill.

It's not unfair OP and you haven't done anything wrong. You have facilitated every time he deigns to see his own child. He can do what every other single/separated father does - he can collect his child from you and bring him back. No need for any drama. Millions of men and women do this, it's perfectly normal.