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Original poster

How can I get out from a boxing day meet up and dinner?

49 replies

MerinoFroggie · 24/12/2020 20:20

My partner would like me to go with him to dinner on boxing day to his relatives house. The problem is there is 15 people approximately due to attend.

I know it goes against the guidelines. I also know it is wrong because there will be tooich meeting up and too much close contact.

I'm not happy about it and I said it to him too but he would still like me to go. How do I give him a nice firm no on the morning of boxing day. We don't live together by the way.

My issue with the gathering is that anyone one of them due to attend could have been exposed and be in an incubation period. There will be two people there who work in bars and they were very busy over the past number of weeks especially over the past week. That really doesn't bode well with me. Their jobs would have been a risk. They worked within the covid guidelines with social distancing in place. My worry is the volume of people that went in through their workplace doors. Tables were booked all the time and there was a constant flow of people. I do think they should be reducing their close contacts in case they have been exposed in their jobs.

I told my partner, I am not very happy going for dinner. What do you think I could say. An excuse to get out from it. Maybe a lie like a toothache or period pain.

Would you lie if you me?

I'm not in the UK where people have taken the guidelines very seriously with reporting on neighbours etc. We have public health guidelines but it's more relaxed.

OP posts:
SendHelp30 · 24/12/2020 20:21

Just say no. It’s not allowed and you don’t want to put yourself at risk. If he doesn’t appreciate that then he’s being an idiot

PuzzledObserver · 24/12/2020 20:23

Don’t lie. Just be firm - tell him you are not comfortable so you are not going. You should not need to tell him this more than once, really.

Don’t wait till Boxing Day morning, either. Tell him the next time you talk, so then he can’t accuse you of letting him down at the last minute.

Johan23 · 24/12/2020 20:24

You sound like your under the weather yourself. By tomorrow evening you’ll have a tummy bug and you don’t want to be passing that around do you?

LawnFever · 24/12/2020 20:27

Just say no now. Don’t wait until Boxing Day morning, just say no, you don’t want to go given the current situation you’re not comfortable attending and leave it at that

If he/they won’t accept that it says more about them than you, they should respect your feelings and decision

If he goes and you see him he could pass it on anyway though? When will you next week him?

OverTheRainbow88 · 24/12/2020 20:30

Say you’ve got a cough

DirtyDancing · 24/12/2020 20:34

Say you’ve been in close contact with someone who’s tested positive for covid. Might also get the message across about the dangers of their actions

middleager · 24/12/2020 20:37

You don't need to explain yourself. It's not legal, it's not sensible.
I've had to refuse people this Christmas, even just one person, but it was a simple no, it's not worth the risk.

Original poster
MerinoFroggie · 24/12/2020 20:38

I am a close contact of a close contact of a positive. Currently my close contact has no symptoms of sickness or illness. My close contact is now in isolation. Depends now what way things go for the next few more days. If my close contact develops symptoms, I then will be a close contact of a suspected positive.

OP posts:
LunaTheCat · 24/12/2020 20:40

@Johan23

You sound like your under the weather yourself. By tomorrow evening you’ll have a tummy bug and you don’t want to be passing that around do you?
Could not of put it better.
ErrolTheDragon · 24/12/2020 20:41

Next time you talk to him, just ask him if he's still planning to go to this big gathering, sound surprised when he says yes and then say, oh well, your choice, I hope you have a lovely time. Let me know how it goes.

That should make it clear enough you've made your decision and he can make his even if it is ill- advised.

Don't be coerced into doing something you don't want to, for very good reason.

Mindymomo · 24/12/2020 20:45

There is no way on earth would I have dinner with 15 other people that I don’t live with. Cases are spreading rapidly, haven’t they listened to anything that has been said about mixing inside houses, this is exactly why the cases are so high. Tell DP that you will not be taking the risk of either catching covid or passing it on to others.

Vitaminsss · 24/12/2020 20:47

Just say you have suddenly developed a cough so better to be safe than sorry, and will stay at home

1992serpent · 24/12/2020 20:48

Dont go. Sounds like Corona soup

Agingdisgracefully · 24/12/2020 20:50

Why is it that some people just can't say those two letters. NO! Don't lie about it just say no

elfycat · 24/12/2020 20:50

Just say you'd rather not break rules and guidelines, particularly with cases on the rise and so you will not be going. You appreciate he's a grown-ass adult capable of making his own shit decisions and if he goes that's up to him. As not going is up to you.

itsgettingweird · 24/12/2020 20:56

Surely if a close contact has tested positive you isolate whether they have symptoms or not?

It's a confirmed case? In UK you are a confirmed case if you have a positive test.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/12/2020 20:59

Just say no. Why is he trying to make you do something you’re uncomfortable about? Why is he being so stupid to want to go to such a large gathering right now? He’s an idiot and potentially a bully if he’s not accepting your sensible refusal. Does he often try to make you do things you don’t want to?

SophieB100 · 24/12/2020 20:59

Don't lie or make up an excuse - there's no need.
Tell him that you're not going because you don't feel safe doing so.
Follow your gut OP, you know it's wrong - if he doesn't respect your decision, then he's not worth worrying about.
Wish him a lovely day (then isolate from him for a while).
His choice to go - your choice not to go. Respect each others choices.

BubblyBarbara · 24/12/2020 21:00

Since you’re not married yet and still living apart I would just tell him outright right now. If he doesn’t respect your decision (it’s okay if he’s sad) then he is not the man for you. This is a perfect test of whether he is meant for you or not.

Original poster
MerinoFroggie · 24/12/2020 21:01

My close contact is not a positive. Tested and the result is negative but is in isolation in case symptoms appear. If symptoms appear within the next day or two, then I will be a close contact. Fingers crossed its covid free Christmas and New year with my close contact.

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 24/12/2020 21:04

No need to lie. Just say that doesn't work for you because of Covid but you look forward to meeting them when things are looking better.

MintyMabel · 24/12/2020 21:10

Why do you need to lie? Just say you don’t want to risk catching or spreading Covid. Is this why we are in such a mess, people going to these gatherings because they can’t put their foot down and say it’s not safe? Is that really a thing?

Covidrelapse · 24/12/2020 21:13

A simple ‘I’m not coming because I don’t feel comfortable being around that many people in the current climate and it’s clearly breaking guidelines’ should suffice. If you feel uncomfortable saying that and feel like you need to justify it more or if that is not respected by your partner then I’d be reconsidering the relationship.

cyclingmad · 24/12/2020 21:13

Ring em and cough Grin

Original poster
MerinoFroggie · 24/12/2020 21:17

He's thinks I'm being overly cautious and he is visiting the people anyways most of the time and so far they don't have any virus. He's not catching on why I am being apprehensive.

OP posts: