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Original poster

Serious illness diagnosis - should I see family before Xmas?

37 replies

HannahS99 · 22/12/2020 16:32

Help me make a decision please, a close family member has been diagnosed with a serious illness. Normally I would be straight there to go and support them. What do I do?
Should I travel to see them?? They are 250 miles away and we are both in tier 3 areas.

Pros - travel before potentially impending lockdown after Xmas, could offer support/distraction

Cons - they argue they don’t want me to travel in case I give virus to them or pick it up myself whilst travelling. I have school age kids but unless any of us are asymptatic we don’t have any Covid symptoms. They argue it’s a long way to travel. And we are ‘not supposed to leave tier 3 area’ and it’s ‘not allowed as it’s not Xmas day’. They want to wait until they have the vaccine etc. I can’t travel on Xmas day as I need to be with my own children who we wouldn’t take as relative is too ill.

They’ve specifically said they don’t want me to travel, but I can’t help but worry and feel I could offer support if I could see them. At the moment we don’t know the extent of the prognosis but it may or may not be terminal.

What to do?!?!

OP posts:
Original poster
HannahS99 · 22/12/2020 16:32

If I wait to see them we could be in lockdown after Xmas and so can’t travel for months.

I’ve only seen them twice this year

OP posts:
Circumlocutious · 22/12/2020 16:34

Err this is obvious. You do what’ve they’ve requested: you don’t go. It’s about them and their wishes, not your preferences.

I hope it’s not terminal and that they get the vaccine soon.

LIZS · 22/12/2020 16:35

No, they have specifically said not to and you may carry it.

CKBJ · 22/12/2020 16:36

Couldn’t read and run. If they have specifically said not to visit then I think you must respect their wishes however hard. Not the same but use zoom etc to communicate.

Hamsterthoughts · 22/12/2020 16:37

Please do not cause them stress

They have asked you not to come

Leave it

Lougle · 22/12/2020 16:37

They know all the circumstances and they've said not to travel. That's your answer.

HugoPhurst · 22/12/2020 16:37

Respect their wishes, they expressly asked you not to come. Hope they are not terminal and that they get the vaccine soon so you can see them. Don't be hard on yourself in the meantime, you are honouring their wishes Flowers

sunshinesupermum · 22/12/2020 16:39

You don't go. They don't want you to and it isn't allowed anyway as it is not 'essential' travel.

nether · 22/12/2020 16:43

They have clearly sad they do not want you to go.

Sorry to be blunt, but this is a time for it all to be about them and their wishes. Not yours

bloodywhitecat · 22/12/2020 16:45

Please respect their wishes. DP has been diagnosed with a serious illness and when we tell people not to travel because we don't want to risk them bringing corona virus to us we mean it, it will have a huge impact on his treatment.

Original poster
HannahS99 · 22/12/2020 16:46

True I definitely don’t want to cause them stress.

But part of me thinks surely they’d be happy to see me?!

It’s not allowed today but it’s allowwd Xmas day - there’s really no difference.

So frustrating because obviously if they were just round the corner I could pop round and chat to them outside Every Single Day

OP posts:
SpamIAm · 22/12/2020 16:47

If it was just that they didn't want to put you out I'd say go, but given they've said they're concerned you'll infect them I 100% wouldn't go.

Original poster
HannahS99 · 22/12/2020 16:48

Should say they’ve also been very upset saying they’d love to see me but can’t. So I think they do want to see me???? And OH thinks I probably should go

OP posts:
Mousehole10 · 22/12/2020 16:49

No. Sorry but regardless of the rules they have requested you don’t go, please respect their wishes. Imagine how you would feel if you did give it to them.

Original poster
HannahS99 · 22/12/2020 16:50

Thanks, it’s just so hard. And really we’ve had very little contact with anyone (just walks outside) since end of school term last Friday - so seems quite low risk to me? But I do appreciate incubation could be up to 14 days :(

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 22/12/2020 16:51

Sounds like they really don't want you to go? In these times I would respect that for now

MitziK · 22/12/2020 17:06

Cons - they argue they don’t want me to travel in case I give virus to them

They're the one with the serious illness.

Support them from afar.

JacobReesMogadishu · 22/12/2020 17:09

Maybe they wouldn’t even want to see you on Xmas day when it’s allowed, because of the risk. I certainly know people who aren’t visiting anyone on Xmas day because of the risk.

If they’ve said no then you don’t go. Send them a nice present. Flowers , etc.

bloodywhitecat · 22/12/2020 17:19

It isn't you or your DP with the serious illness, what you think the person affected wants doesn't count. So many people don't listen to the person with the serious illness because they think they know better, please don't be one of those people.

Hamsterthoughts · 22/12/2020 17:20

Op

When people get sick, other often feel they know better.

I see that in your follow up comments that you really do care... but you think you know what’s best.

You don’t. Please respect their wishes. You willl potentially be putting them at risk and you will most certainly be ignoring them and causing them stress.

InterfectoremVulpes · 22/12/2020 17:21

Is this a reverse?

Axlcat · 22/12/2020 17:24

This isn’t about you and your needs

SingANewSongChickenTikka · 22/12/2020 17:24

Respect their wishes, don’t go.

Original poster
HannahS99 · 22/12/2020 17:29

Ok, 100% negative response not to go. I guess you’re all probably right :(

OP posts:
AKissAndASmile · 22/12/2020 17:33

I'm gobsmacked you want to go. And that your DP thinks you should.