Serious illness diagnosis - should I see family before Xmas?

[HannahS99]

Help me make a decision please, a close family member has been diagnosed with a serious illness. Normally I would be straight there to go and support them. What do I do?
Should I travel to see them?? They are 250 miles away and we are both in tier 3 areas.

Pros - travel before potentially impending lockdown after Xmas, could offer support/distraction

Cons - they argue they don’t want me to travel in case I give virus to them or pick it up myself whilst travelling. I have school age kids but unless any of us are asymptatic we don’t have any Covid symptoms. They argue it’s a long way to travel. And we are ‘not supposed to leave tier 3 area’ and it’s ‘not allowed as it’s not Xmas day’. They want to wait until they have the vaccine etc. I can’t travel on Xmas day as I need to be with my own children who we wouldn’t take as relative is too ill.

They’ve specifically said they don’t want me to travel, but I can’t help but worry and feel I could offer support if I could see them. At the moment we don’t know the extent of the prognosis but it may or may not be terminal.

What to do?!?!

They may wish they could see you but at the same time the stress of having you there could be greater. Respect their wishes

MY DH is terminal, on 'borrowed time' we've not seen family all year - the risk is just not worth it. Imagine if you inadvertently gave them it,

I get you - had a similar situation here. I wanted to drop everything and go and see my family 6 hours away. It just goes against all of your instincts and it's really tough.

Much love to you xxx

Thanks all, decision made, not going

They've told you not to come. It isn't any more complicated than that in terms of how to proceed although I appreciate that it leaves you to deal with the emotional impact of that. It's just not your call.

Think of ways to support them that doesn't put them at risk. Their wishes prevail.

When my DH was having chemo we had a lot of needy visitors- people who needed to see him etc

We could have done without them.

@AKissAndASmile

I'm gobsmacked you want to go. And that your DP thinks you should.

This. It’s their wishes that count, not your ‘want’ fgs!

I appreciate that you are worried and it must be hard to be away from them at this time, OP.

But they have specifically asked you not to travel to them and given very valid reasons as to why they feel like this. If you try to push your 'help' on them, you are just going to make them angry and they may push you away entirely. Not to mention what might happen if you or one of your kids pass covid onto them.

Can you not Skype or Zoom?

Don't go!!! You have to put their needs first, seeing them is about making yourself feel better and wanting to "do " something - perfectly understandable but in these circumstances, you need to do what is safest.

Sadly it does seem that they don’t want you to visit just now, I would just leave it. Obviously keep in touch with them and be there for them, they may arrange something in the future.