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Original poster

So how do my kids see their dad

33 replies

Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 10:24

Recently split. He now lives in a shared house so they cant go there. And I have a support bubble so I cant be his not that I'd wanna be or why bother splitting up...

Tier 4 area..

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 22/12/2020 10:26

If they are under 18 they are free to visit him.

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 10:27

But he's quarantine in the new place and he's not allowed anyone round. Plus its a shared house with strangers

OP posts:
TheSockMonster · 22/12/2020 10:28

Assuming they are still children, they can visit as normal

Parents can still take their children to school, and people can continue existing arrangements for contact between parents and children where they live apart

www.gov.uk/guidance/tier-4-stay-at-home

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 10:31

Hes not allowed people round yet though as he only moved in Friday and he has remain in his room and not allowed any guests .

He hasn't even found out from the other housemates yet if he would even be allowed the kids over. He only has a room so there's absolutely nothing there for them. The plan was hed come here then Saturday night happened Hmm

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 22/12/2020 10:32

Once he's out of quarantine he can see them as normal. If he only has a room there then that's where he'll have to see them.

Or he can pick them up, take them out for the day and drop them back to your house.

TheSockMonster · 22/12/2020 10:33

That’s something his housemates have imposed on him and not a Tier 4 requirement.

Outdoor exercise is still allowed, so if there’s no way of visiting his house that could be a good option.

Calmandmeasured1 · 22/12/2020 10:34

He'd best ask the people in his house share if it is okay to have the children in his room then.

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 10:34

Will have to be won't it i guess I mean mo wheres open to take them so boggy field it will have to be I suppose.

Originally he was going to be "childcare" when i was at work but clearly I'm not working nowHmmSad

OP posts:
ChristmasStartedAlready · 22/12/2020 10:38

Can't he visit them at yours?

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 10:40

Well he was going to be as I was meant to be at work while he did but I'm not sure if that's actually allowed under these bloody stupid tier 4 rules

OP posts:
Mustbemagic · 22/12/2020 10:53

@Whatwouldscullydo

If he’s coming round to see and take care of your kids while you are working then surely it’s allowed as a childcare bubble? / they are his children anyway. I wouldn’t be worried, go to work and let him take care of them in your house.

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 10:55

I'm not at work now we r closed Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 10:57

I dont see a difference between him being a childcare bubble in my house and coming round to see them...

But then none of it ever did make sense did it. Just nore bullshit

OP posts:
movingonup20 · 22/12/2020 11:04

Existing parent contact arrangements can continue, if this takes place in your house then it's fine.

As to the kids going to his, that's something he should have discussed prior to taking the room.

Why doesn't he take them to the park, they are still open? Could he then bring them back to yours and you could nip out then for your shopping, socially distanced walk with a friend or some exercise whilst he entertains them?

I'm still seeing my dd at my old house and I stay there periodically when she's back from university, ex doesn't mind as we get on fine and is safer than a hotel we figure.

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 11:12

It existed in theory if not in practice so that counts right?

I mean i work evenings so plan was dd1 would look after dd2 for a bit depending on what time I started and then xp would pop over when he finished work and had showered etc it didn't really matter if they could go there or not as well he was meant to be coming here. I mean whats the point of going ther to sit in a room then having to come here for their dinner akd shower.

We have lots of local parks so he can take dd2. But its incredibly muddy/soggy at mo so probably not the best.

But if existing arrangements are allowed then he can come here and ill just go out as you suggest. I need some broccoli anyway

OP posts:
ChristmasStartedAlready · 22/12/2020 11:53

It's still good to get outdoors even when it's wet. If he is coming after work could he go for a walk in neighborhood to look at lights, then come back for an hour and you can pop to shop, have a bath/cuppa. Try find a way for DC to see him without you having to spend lots of time together? Maybe think about next couple of weeks before dealing with long term.

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 12:06

Yeah hopefully this thing will not last too long and it will be a bit easier he will have somewhere to take them.

I wasn't sure if having him over for Xmas Dinner would be within the guidelines or not but he was meant to be coming he hasn't even fully shopped yet due to work. Its all pretty recent so we both still sorting ourselves out. Again he'd have eaten at mine with the kids of I was at work as I'm terrible for making too much Blush

Sure they will enjoy a walk though drag the teenager out her bed Grin

OP posts:
ChristmasStartedAlready · 22/12/2020 12:13

I think at the best of times it's a bit all over the place in the early days trying to make it work. Covid and"the rules" add another complication. I would not worry about how much he is as your house in Covid terms. It's Christmas and it's new so DC need to see their dad. And you need to preserve your sanity! That's enough to juggle.

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 12:18

I never did see what difference ot would make if he visited them here or they went there. Anything I have the kids have ajd anything he has the kids will give to me.

I mean I don't hate him, the whole point i ended it when I did was so we didnt end up hating eachother because we need to be amicable fir the kids sake. Ones a teen so there's enough shes worried about without adding a layer if peace keeping on to her. She didbt get out if bed all weekend Sad they want there dad round fir Xmas Dinner to see him

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 22/12/2020 12:20

If he’s in “quarantine” he can’t leave his house anyway.

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 12:23

He has to go to work. They just asked him to not leave his room fir a few days ajd to let them know if he's going to be in the kitchen cooking so they don't mix. They didn't ask him to not go to work. They want their rent after all..

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 22/12/2020 12:27

Him living in a house share is far from ideal when it comes to his children visiting him anyway, I can’t see it going down well with the others in the house if he’s moved in and THEN asks if it’s ok for him to have two kids round to stay.

Just carry on as you were and have him see the dc at your house.

Original poster
Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2020 12:49

Yeah inknow uts not ideal but its reasonably priced and local and given as I said I work evenings it made more sense to have the kids here anyway and as he doesn't drive being close seemed a sensible idea. I wasn't worried abiut whether or not the housemates minded the kids. I mean I doubt they'd object to a knock at the door, who would, but obviously at this point they are strangers and he still hasn't managed to speak to them much due to being confined ti his room when he's at home.

Will have to see how it plays out but obviously of all the housemates had guests then it immediately increases numbers of exposures so its not fair at this moment to expect them to have the kids iver anyway

OP posts:
Givemeabreak88 · 22/12/2020 13:03

Same situation here although my ex never took the kids to his because although he doesn’t live in a house share it’s HIS house and he rents out all the rooms so my kids have never gone there or stayed over night. He only sees them by taking them out to the park/cinema / for food but when Covid happened and they all closed he stopped bothering to see them as he didn’t want to hang around outside in the cold. I personally wouldn’t send my kids to a shared house that’s why my kids don’t go to my exes but everyone is different I guess.

Ilovecoffeeandcake · 22/12/2020 13:35

Similar situation, my DD is 7 and her father has never seen her without me there, never been invited to his house and hes never asked to take her anywhere. He's a nasty piece of work too, controlling, manipulative and abusive. Every year he tells me he's coming to see her Xmas day at mine (doesn't ask). Since Covid we have met him at a park. He has asked what is happening Xmas day and I've asked him to suggest something safe. I don't trust him for a second that he has followed the rules and socially distanced so he's not coming to my house just because its Xmas day. He ranted in front of DD that he is allowed in my house and its the law he can see DD. I told him I'm not stopping him seeing DD but it has to be safe. He has not (again) suggested picking her up and taking her to his, taking her out, nothing.