As the title says, I’m totally consumed and paranoid about Covid, I know it’s not healthy or rational but I cannot seem to get a grasp on it.
I live in the SE in an area which is swamped with infections. However I have felt like this since seeing this erupt in China in the very early days. Since then I have obsessively checked the news and social media every hour of the day, my brain very rarely switches off from it at all, and if I wake in the night I end up checking through my phone for a good half hour to see if there’s been any more news while I’ve been asleep.
I have a chronic illness which was always well controlled (with medication that affects my immune response) but the anxiety of this year has meant I’m not as on top of my illness as I usually am, stress is a huge trigger for kicking things off.
I receive all of the shielding letters, although my Drs say that I shouldn’t be on the list and am more of a moderate risk, however these communications add to my anxiety making me think Covid is much worse for me than the general public.
I have 3 small children, 2 primary school, 1 preschool. Luckily none of their bubbles have isolated but I feel like I’m constantly on red alert checking my emails to see if the school is reporting new cases.
My temper is constantly snapping, I find it hard to focus on things like watching tv or conversations.
Now this new strain and the cancelling of Xmas, other countries closing their borders to us etc has tipped me over the edge. I wake up with my heart racing every morning. I constantly feel sick with panic and worry, I know I am doing my mind and body serious damage living in this constant state but I don’t seem to be able to switch my brain off and I’m so so fed up now. I don’t see any end I’m in sight and I’m worried how I will cope now it looks like this will continue getting worse and worse. 
(This is the first time I’ve opened up on how I am truly feeling, I seem to be able to mask how bad it is to everyone)