Completely consumed by Covid - not sure how much longer I can cope

[Zem74]

As the title says, I’m totally consumed and paranoid about Covid, I know it’s not healthy or rational but I cannot seem to get a grasp on it.
I live in the SE in an area which is swamped with infections. However I have felt like this since seeing this erupt in China in the very early days. Since then I have obsessively checked the news and social media every hour of the day, my brain very rarely switches off from it at all, and if I wake in the night I end up checking through my phone for a good half hour to see if there’s been any more news while I’ve been asleep.
I have a chronic illness which was always well controlled (with medication that affects my immune response) but the anxiety of this year has meant I’m not as on top of my illness as I usually am, stress is a huge trigger for kicking things off.
I receive all of the shielding letters, although my Drs say that I shouldn’t be on the list and am more of a moderate risk, however these communications add to my anxiety making me think Covid is much worse for me than the general public.
I have 3 small children, 2 primary school, 1 preschool. Luckily none of their bubbles have isolated but I feel like I’m constantly on red alert checking my emails to see if the school is reporting new cases.
My temper is constantly snapping, I find it hard to focus on things like watching tv or conversations.
Now this new strain and the cancelling of Xmas, other countries closing their borders to us etc has tipped me over the edge. I wake up with my heart racing every morning. I constantly feel sick with panic and worry, I know I am doing my mind and body serious damage living in this constant state but I don’t seem to be able to switch my brain off and I’m so so fed up now. I don’t see any end I’m in sight and I’m worried how I will cope now it looks like this will continue getting worse and worse.

(This is the first time I’ve opened up on how I am truly feeling, I seem to be able to mask how bad it is to everyone)

Hi @Zem74 I don’t think it will get worse and worse, I think this is the darkness before the dawn and we will be out the other side sooner than we think.

I am sorry about your health issues and concerns, that must be very worrying .

In terms of your stress, would you have the funds to talk to an online counsellor?

Zoom yoga classes helped me a lot in the first lockdown, would something like that be a possibility?

Do you have a MIND service in your area? They have great phone support.
I find the news stressful so a long while ago I decided I would check it only once a day. I block news from my social media and feel much better for it.
This virus is very likely to be a mild illness if you get it, try and focus on that. Focus on what you can control. You can't control the virus, only your response

Thank you for this thread, I feel exactly the same OP. I have been consumed by this since I first heard about it on New Year's Day. It has caused many disagreements with my dh as he is so relaxed about it all and doesn't understand my levels of anxiety about it.

I guess it doesn't help much but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

I know what you mean about checking numbers and the daily news, I do it myself. I don't think theres anything wrong with wanting to know the news a such, the pandemic is a major event but if its upsetting you, might it help to keep a journal or diary about it all. Writing things down, numbers, the days events, your thoughts about the virus, Govt action, etc will put it somewhere else, rather than it churning around in your head all the time and its something you can go back to at your own pace. Maybe devote 10 or 20 minutes a day to it as a more controlled routine . Hope that makes sense.

Hope you're feeling better soon

Thanks all for your replies, I really do need to see a counseller of some sort, as I have general/health anxiety anyway that has always come and gone in waves, this year has just meant it’s been constant
@Earlgrey666 it makes me feel less crazy that you feel the same, my husband is the same and very chilled out about it, get frustrated that I am physically making myself ill through worrying.
I just worry how much longer I can keep this up, keep being a mum, a wife, keep the house going, keep on top of everything, when I am feeling so fragile and defeated. I am so cross with myself that I cannot look at thing rationally like everyone else around me seems to do

@Flaxmeadow that’s a really good technique to write things down. It’s definitely something I could try to get all the conflicting thoughts out of my head x

Agree about contacting MIND. Can you go for a walk for about an hour a day. The physical execise will help your mental health.

I think it would be a really good idea to contact your GP op and explain to them exactly what you have said here. Be completely honest. They would be in the best position to help you and advise further. Sending you virtual hugs x

@Tavannach i still get out everyday, have done through the whole thing, other than when I was following shielding at the beginning but I only managed about 5 weeks before I cracked and left the house.
On the outside nobody would know how much I’m struggling, I try and keep life ticking by normally so my children are unaffected and unshaded by it all. But inside I am beyond struggling with it all. The comfort of having my parents here for Christmas Day was what was keeping me going and now that’s gone I feel like I’m drowning

You're not alone OP I feel like this too, my heart hasn't stopped pounding since I saw the photo of the lorries queuing. But I have counselling and medication for anxiety, I would definitely agree with pps that having a chat with your GP is a good start. Also take it seriously, you need to find a way to stop reading the news and social media, limit it in some way, if that is fuelling it. I find the Headspace app really helpful, and when you're writing things down I find writing gratitude's in (positive things in your life however small) can help it not to just be a long list of panics.

I've been feeling the same over the last week. I'm in the SE and things seem to have gone from ok to disastrous in the space of a couple of weeks. I've been fairly calm up until recently though. I'm worried about elderly relatives, I work in a school and things were really stressful last week, my kids are school age so I'm worried about them being at school/not being at school. Nothing is making sense in my head, and here are no good options for anything.

I've deactivated Facebook and Twitter. I was getting stressed over the constant covid stories, Brexit stories, people breaking the rules. It helps me to control what I see and when I see it. In the New Year I might seek help from somewhere. I was managing OK until very recently, but now I feel I'm close to not coping.

I hope you manage to do something to help you feel a bit better. You are absolutely not alone in feeling this way. I hope that comforts you at least.

Thanks so much everyone for your understanding and similar stories.
Will definitely pluck up the courage to call GP, although I feel so embarrassed to actually say it all to someone and will probably end up sobbing down the phone.
I went to gp about anxiety a couple of years ago a year after having my youngest, was prescribed sertraline but never took it as I ended up being able to cope naturally but maybe it’s time to give in x

i totally get you OP.

I am the same. In fact I have my exit strategy all planned and prepared for. Just trying to get through my last Xmas, with lots of wine.

Hi Zem74,

We can see you're getting a lot of good advice and support on this thread from other Mumsnetters, but we just wanted to add a few links which might be of help.

Please check out Mind's information on coronavirus and your mental health which provides advice on how to support your mental wellbeing during these incredibly difficult times. Here's their page on Ways to help yourself cope in a crisis.

Here's a link to our general Mental Health webguide which lists lots of organisations which can provide some real life support.

If you're feeling really low, please call the Samaritans on 116 123. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

We really hope you're okay, OP. Sending good wishes to you and everyone else on this thread who's struggling right now.

Honestly, whTatever else you do lay off or severely limit yourself on the whole social media/news thing. It just feeds your anxiety.

I was exactly like this earlier in the year, though in more recent months have been really busy with work, which has provided me with a welcome distraction. What helped me back then was severely restricting my news consumption to 15 minutes maximum a day, and taking up reading novels again (which is something I hadn't been able to do for years, but which provided a welcome escape into another world).

I don't think Mumsnet is a great place when you're anxious, either, sorry! Perhaps take what you need from this thread and then avoid, along with all other social media.