We don't need to cancel Christmas...

[SleepingStandingUp]

Anyone else fee up with the over dramatic "cancel Christmas" rhetoric.

Assuming we continue to allow single people to be in a bubble, even if they put everyone in T3 and cancel the Christmas rules, will anyone actually feel that Christmas isn't worth having??

You can still buy food and presents, you can still spend it with loved ones albeit a smaller group, still sing carols and watch trash telly.

It's just inflammatory language so we all feel compelled to have an emotional response rather than a logical one which says of you can't mix in big groups yesterday, and you can't in a week, you really shouldn't be doing so now

@DirtyDancing - my dses are all in their 20s, but have always come home for Christmas. Two of them would end up in their flats, on their own, if we don’t have them here for Christmas.

It is a very different decision when your kids are grown up but don’t yet have their own families than it is when your children still live at home.

What would you do in my position?

1 - get ds3 (the student son home), leave ds2 in his flat, and tell ds1 and his fiancée they are having their Christmas at their home this year.

2 - get ds3 and ds2 home, but tell ds1 and his fiancée they can’t come.

3 - get them all home (despite ds1 having to come 400 miles up country).

4 - go quietly insane.

I just want to say, I’m not asking to be snarky, @DirtyDancing - I can’t see any good answer to my Christmas!

Do ds1 and defiance live near her family at all @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius?

Where about are you @Avondklok

That's very unfair of him @jenasaurus if he's the one deciding he's spending it with his partners family

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius that is a difficult situation! I would either have them all (I think it’s allowed - your ds at uni would count as your household?) or have your two dc that live alone and not your ds1 as he at least has his fiance so isn’t alone.

Ds1 and his fiancée do live near her parents, so could go there if need be, @SleepingStandingUp.

I think we are going to have them all, and hope for the best - as long as ds2 doesn’t have it, that is.

That's a point. Even if they aren't, if they're both single they're a bubble together so 1 household, then DS and dsdf is the 2nd and you the 3rd
If you're single then you could bubble with DS and dsdf so that would also reduce households

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/dec/16/its-just-not-worth-it-health-experts-on-their-covid-christmas-plans

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

I do understand it’s different with older kids On the flip, My mum and I have taken the tough decision that she won’t come for Xmas and will be on her own, after what has been very hard year for her personally. I posted about the whys and wherefores on a thread.

But back to you, I believe very strongly it is about weighing up the mental and physical well-being risks for all. I think it depends on what impact it will have on your dear kids, and you. And if you feel it’s best for them to come for a bit over Xmas on that risk assessment basis..you have to do what is right for your situation

I am driving 150 miles on Friday to see dgc as eldest I'd now at school.but has Inset day. I will take them a sack of presents each and we will meet in a NT garden. We will walk around in socially distanced way wearing masks and have a cup of hot chocolate together. I will take them a tin of my Xmas cupcakes. I will stay about 1- 11/2 hours then drive home. I wish it was different but my dh is CEV and until he gets vaccine I feel I can't put him at risk. This Xmas there will be me, DH, 2 adult sons who still live at home and foster child. We will make the best of Xmas this year and as soon as we are all vaccinated meet up then with a turkey meal as I am freezing a turkey crown especially for later in the year. If DH was not CEV I would have dd, Dil and dgc to Xmas dinner. It was my turn to host them this year. I am hoping I will get next year instead but not sure as dil's GP are elderly so they may see them on Xmas day.

What has made me cross is that they announced what we could do and we made our plans accordingly. Then it looked like they might change them which was very anxiety provoking as DD2 might have ended up alone 350 miles away. Then they say, actually we won't be changing things but NS (we live in Scotland) produces a list of what she would 'prefer' us to do which is very guilt inducing. We have made careful plans to mitigate the risks. Just leave us be!

I think the ‘it’s just’ rhetoric is really damaging and many people are struggling with their well-being. Dramatic cancelling language is perhaps triggered by the need to try and help some very naive people understand actually how much damage is being done. There comes a point when a different Xmas is so different that it’s not fun. Like it or not that tipping point has been reached for many and it’s not for you to tell someone whether their alternative Xmas is worth it or not.

We're having PIL, but if we can't we're in the camp of "oh great, another day at home". We have a toddler and a baby and frankly another day of the four of us and these four walls would be hard to get excited about. Yes, of course we'd put a good face on it, make the effort for the toddler, have some special food etc. But I don't think there's anything wrong with having a moan among adults.

I think back in April we were all telling ourselves we'd have a lovely family Christmas to make up for the restrictions in place at the time. It's been a long year, Christmas is usually a bright spot, it's ok if people struggle a bit with it being curtailed too. It's not like having Christmas just your household any other year because of other people's plans or something.

I get that Mindy, I just don't think the language helps. People are struggling so WILL CHRISTMAS BE CANCELLED, BORIS TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS etc , I don't think is helpful. And it is anxiety inducing when it's labelled in such high terms and then there's BORIS TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS????? when it's only a few weeks away and people have made plans and then BORIS SAVES CHRISTMAS!!! so he looks good. I could have cancelled it bit I am a benevolent leader who will throw you complicated scraps of rules that most families can't work out without tears

@DirtyDancing

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

I do understand it’s different with older kids On the flip, My mum and I have taken the tough decision that she won’t come for Xmas and will be on her own, after what has been very hard year for her personally. I posted about the whys and wherefores on a thread.

But back to you, I believe very strongly it is about weighing up the mental and physical well-being risks for all. I think it depends on what impact it will have on your dear kids, and you. And if you feel it’s best for them to come for a bit over Xmas on that risk assessment basis..you have to do what is right for your situation

I think you are absolutely right, @DirtyDancing. Thankfully ds2’s test was negative, so that just means that it is a different virus that has laid him low!

I disagree sleepingstandingup. I think pretending that xmas is still great when for so many people it's not is the problem. For many of us it is effectively cancelled. It's interesting that on the one had its said to be ok.not to be ok but on the other hand we have to pretend that a lot of realltbshit stuff is no big deal

Plenty of people have not been able to afford a roast dinner, or had easy access to somewhere to walk, or been able to see anyone over the last year, so yes, I do think people should feel grateful to have those things.

Again, there may be other difficult circumstances that make this Christmas particularly difficult for this poster, (there certainly are in my family) but Christmas itself is not cancelled.

I’m the poster you’re referring to. I am grateful that I’ve been able to do those things. I’m grateful that we’re in a better position than many. But you don’t get to decide how I should feel about the prospect of not seeing my family at Christmas and spending it with just DH and DS. You don’t get to decide what impact that has on me, or whether my circumstances are worthy of me finding that difficult.
I am so sick of people trying to tell others how they should feel.

When all is said and done, it is just another day in the long journey back to some sort of normality. Why can't people just accept that it is NOT a normal Christmas and just enjoy it quietly? I really do not understand why not (relatives who are very ill notwithstanding).

If meeting up with family for a big meal is all Christmas means (and the religious element of it is just meaningless) then surely you can do it any time of year.