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Covid

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Original poster

Will you be seeing elderly relatives over Christmas?

45 replies

Dowhatyoudowell · 16/12/2020 08:05

Just that really.

We usually get together as 4 households, but 2 are in a bubble so it’s technically 3 getting together. This includes adults, school-age DC and two other elderly people (other side of family).

MIL is in her 80’s (FIL deceased) and will only say you all decide what I should do. SIL normally hosts but DH is feeling very uncomfortable exposing their DM to everyone. SIL will go berserk if we say we are not going to come on Christmas Day now (she thinks Covid is a load of rubbish).
We are a mix of Tier 3 and 2.

The BBC News is currently reporting that the new guidance is expected to say avoid elderly relatives.

OP posts:

EndoplasmicReticulum · 16/12/2020 08:09

Yes, my parents. Not that elderly (70s rather than 80s). Kind of hard to avoid them really as they live with us.

Defender90 · 16/12/2020 08:11

No, we've made the decision as a family to stay apart, Gran (92) will go to Dad (66) for lunch.

I've only seen Gran twice since the end of March, seems silly to throw away all that and put her at risk over Christmas because 'we can'

starfish4 · 16/12/2020 08:28

We've normally seen my Auntie and Uncle by now for an early Xmas get together. We had a phone call instead, nothing like the same but so lovely to hear their voices as we're close.

Really haven't got my head around seeing Mum, and she doesn't sound sure saying she's getting in food just in case and will enjoy her steak, which secretly I know she'd prefer Xmas day. I work in a school so I think we'll literally decide Xmas day morning when I've checked school emails and made sure no cases in my bubbles. I'm in touch with my four closest colleagues, so we're all going to check we feel ok. Last day of close contact is today.

herecomesthsun · 16/12/2020 08:30

starfish4 · 16/12/2020 08:32

OP, forgot to say I think you have to do what you feel comfortable with and others will just have to accept it. My SIL is dropping presents off on the doorstep at weekend and isn't even comfortable going for a walk with her brother.

Mousehole10 · 16/12/2020 08:39

No, there’s no way I’m risking my elderly relatives when they are so close to getting the vaccine. The oldest we are seeing is 65, no underlying health conditions

Delatron · 16/12/2020 08:40

What would you define as elderly? This is the tricky part. My parents and 69 and 70 and no underlying conditions.

I think over 80 I’d think more carefully.

FoodDrive · 16/12/2020 08:40

We’re not seeing my parents as they are a 7 hour drive away - will wait until they are vaccinated.

With the in laws, they are 3 hours away which is doable in a day. But as the dc are at school this week and there is not enough time to quarantine beforehand, we are only going to see them outside. I don’t think they quite understand why but I think it’s too risky with cases in school. We are both in tier 3 at the moment

movingonup20 · 16/12/2020 08:41

Not my parents, they decided to stay home alone and aren't even elderly (active retired with no preexisting conditions) we may see dp's dm but outside for an hour, we will see his dsis indoors perhaps

EnglishGirlApproximately · 16/12/2020 08:42

Yes but only because DF has been in a bubble with us throughout as he lives alone. Normally he would visit DSIS on Christmas day as she lives a long way away and we see him several times a week but this year he's staying with the bubble and we'll zoom them on the day.

Mousehole10 · 16/12/2020 08:43

@Delatron

What would you define as elderly? This is the tricky part. My parents and 69 and 70 and no underlying conditions.

I think over 80 I’d think more carefully.

It’s difficult to define isn’t it! But looking at the stats for covid I would say over 70 with no underlying conditions or over 60 with underlying conditions.

ButtonMeUpButtercup · 16/12/2020 08:44

We are but I feel uncomfortable about. In laws are in their 80's and have been hanging on for Christmas. They're both lucid and have made the decision that they'd like to come. DC and their partners have been WFH, I'm front line NHS.
I feel it's their decision to take the risk but won't be hugging

Hotcuppatea · 16/12/2020 08:45

Yes. My mum is nearly 80 and was diagnosed with dementia this year. Its probably going to be the last year she will really be with us. She'd be on her own in her sheltered housing flat if she didn't come to us and we've all agreed thats worse than the very small chance that she might catch Covid.

Lulu1919 · 16/12/2020 08:45

No
The eldest person I'll be seeing is my husband....he's 55
But I feel for those who are having to make these decisions.

Tearsfortiers · 16/12/2020 08:46

Absolutely not! My parents live a ten minute walk away and I've not met up with them indoors since March.

Dyrne · 16/12/2020 08:49

My DGM is 90 and had a bit of an emotional conversation with us - she’d rather be able to see us, spend time with her family, and risk only living for another few months; than live for another 3-5 years but spend much of it in isolation (she lives alone).

We’re still taking precautions of course - no hugging, wiping down surfaces etc; and generally we work from home and I’ve not been anywhere for the last couple of weeks to keep any risk to a minimum for when I do see her. DP is going to his parents this year so it’s just me, and then we’ll be seeing my brother and his wife (who again won’t be seeing anyone else etc).

We don’t have DC though so maybe that would influence my risk calculations if we did as it’s much harder to control who they have contact with etc.

TheGreatWave · 16/12/2020 08:52

My parents are mid 70's and we will hopefully see them outdoors. (Mum's request) MIL is 89 next week, but currently in hospital, don't think she will be out, and even if she was she wouldn't want to come out to us.

Caramel81 · 16/12/2020 08:53

No I won’t be. Just me and DP for Christmas this year and we aren’t seeing other relatives. He might pop by on his own to see his 80 year old dad but they will distance two metres apart and it will only be for an hour max.

Aozora13 · 16/12/2020 08:54

I’m seeing my parents who I’d describe as old rather than elderly (although don’t let them hear me say that ) but not my nan who is definitely elderly. Normally we have a big family get together with my uncle and his family too but we’re hoping we can just do it for Easter instead. I’m trying to be brave about it because worse things happen at sea etc but my stiff upper lip is quivering...

TheRealJeanLouise · 16/12/2020 09:00

No. I made the decision as a frontline NHS worker with children in school. The eldest relative we’d usually see is 91. Some people are unhappy with my decision but I’d rather do the right thing and not kill anyone, than stay in people’s good books over something so trivial.

RedRiverShore · 16/12/2020 09:35

No, MIL and DF, both in their 80s, live too far away anyway, if they were near we would probably do a doorstep visit, we are early 60s with no known underlying conditions so not elderly yet but probably what PP is describing as old

4forkssake · 16/12/2020 09:38

Yes we're having my MIL & my dad over as they're on their own. I've taken the kids out of school to do home learning this week & we're working from home. We'll be going nowhere until they leave after Christmas so we're in the clear.

Matilda03 · 16/12/2020 09:39

My oldest relative is my dad who is 70 with no health conditions. However I still feel uncomfortable seeing him to be honest as we are in tier 3 with lots of mixing through my work and school and they are in a rural area and barely leave the house.

UnseenDoreen · 16/12/2020 09:45

No, but they are not alone.

wendz86 · 16/12/2020 09:47

We will be seeing my parents, late 60's no health issues but they are my support bubbles so we have been seeing them often anyway.

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