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Original poster

Anyone else not bothered about seeing family?

29 replies

Lostatsea1988 · 14/12/2020 07:45

I am not asking anyone to agree or disagree with me, or I'd have put this in AIBU, I'm just genuinely curious.

I get on very well with all my family and in particular my parents. We still holiday together sometimes and speak often (daily on WA, regularly by phone). I live with my husband overseas. Obviously we are not going to see our families this year at Christmas and we've known that for months.

I just can't get that worked up about it! Quite happy with sending gifts in the post and video calling on the day! I am bemused by all the fuss and hand wringing and the UK govt's willingness to accept more deaths just so people can eat a turkey together!

Does anyone else feel the same? Don't get me wrong I love Christmas and will be spending the day soaked in champagne with new jammies on, feasting, watching home alone and blasting Mariah like a 'normal' person but I don't feel this insatiable yearning to do those things in the physical company of extended family!

Does anyone else feel the same? Disclaimer: I'm talking about people who have good relationships with extended family and people who have a partner or children to spend the day with. Not people who will be alone - flowers for you.

OP posts:

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/12/2020 07:51

I feel the same. I love my family and normally spend Christmas with them but as I work in a factory and have a DS at primary school we have decided not to mix this year for safety reasons. DS and I are both in high risk environments and isolating isn't an option, I have to work up until the 23rd.

It's not a big drama. It's just one year, I'm a bit bemused by all the angst to be honest - obviously for people who know this is their last Christmas with certain family members it's different but other than that I don't get why people are making such a fuss about missing one year.

Original poster

Lostatsea1988 · 14/12/2020 07:52

(also realise I'm not asking any revolutionary questions here and I know the debate of whether the uk should relax has been done to death, and there are lots of people who are delighted not to be seeing family because their ILs are a pain or they hate the travel and sleeping on a sofa bed.... I'm not asking that. I'm just wondering if anyone else just really doesn't care about not seeing family (fun, kind and well adjusted family with excellent guest facilities)

OP posts:

pinkbalconyrailing · 14/12/2020 07:55

same here.
I love my family, but christmas is hard work.

I am really looking forward to a quiet one at home this year, but hopefully we can travel for easter.

SnuggyBuggy · 14/12/2020 07:55

I live a distance from my family and its a bloody nightmare travelling during the Christmas rush so we don't do it every year. People do judge me sometimes, I remember one year at work when I only had the bank holidays off and decided to just stay home people thought it was really mean of me I was the only person it that office who actually liked my parents

I am feeling sad though because I'd normally see my family early December for a Christmas shopping trip which we haven't been able to do. I wish they'd open the fucking hotels.

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2020 07:56

I do really want to see mine but it’s been months and months because we’re on opposite sides of the Wales England border. I’m not worried about having a meal, being inside or even seeing them on actual Christmas Day but I would be really sad not to see anyone for a short time outside.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/12/2020 07:56

I think if lockdown had started recently people would be more ok with not seeing family, it's heightened by months on end of restrictions that mean some people haven't seen their family since before March.
Also people like familiar, routine. They've always spent Christmas together, they don't want to have to change after a year when everything else has been disrupted

CordeliaCroft · 14/12/2020 07:57

My parents live overseas. We are close and I haven’t seen them for a year now and miss them a lot. I wouldn’t say I am not bothered, but I have quite a pragmatic approach to it and I am slightly bemused by all the angst surrounding not being able to see family by people in the U.K. who can see them for example outside or haven’t been apart that long.
I understand it when people are lonely and worried about elderly or sick relatives. The rest of us in my view just have to suck it up this year.

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2020 08:00

I don't get why people are making such a fuss about missing one year.

If it were a mainly normal year, it would have been much easier. Things have been really tough for months for many people. Christmas with family would have been a boost emotionally. We’re not meeting properly because of the risk. I don’t think feeling sad about that is “causing a fuss”.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2020 08:03

Yanbu.
If my stepfather catches covid he will likely die. This is a no brainier. Of course we're not seeing him over Christmas, regardless of what is allowed. We'll just wait till he's had the vaccine.

Catsup · 14/12/2020 08:05

But to be fair OP you live abroad and generally go one end of the year (if not more), without being face-to-face from family members regardless? So to being totally honest in the nicest possible way it's no fucking hardship or anything out of the norm for you then?... For those that previously spent X days a week visiting older relatives potentially in nursing homes, or pretty isolated, well its possibly not so rosy?

WankPuffins · 14/12/2020 08:07

There's no getting out of it for me. My dad (86) won't hear of not seeing us. He's been coming to stay one long weekend a month anyway so will be here for Christmas. Part of me was hoping this year would be different as he's a very, very difficult and negative person.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 14/12/2020 08:12

I think you if you live abroad then yes it would be easy to not be bothered about seeing your family.

Bit harder if you're a single parent and have a very close relationship with your family who all live locally....

InTheLongGrass · 14/12/2020 08:12

When we lived abroad, of course we accepted not seeing parents on special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays, Easter.... but one of the reasons for coming back to the UK was to see more of our family. Covid has thrown us a curve ball, and we actually saw more of our parents when we lived abroad than in 2020 living 150 miles apart.
Hell yes I'm going to see my parents when the bubble opens.

LillianGish · 14/12/2020 08:15

I agree it’s easier if you live abroad. My mum is on her own now and is perfectly happy and used to it - she says she’ll see us when she see us, but certainly doesn’t want to risk catching Covid just so we can have Christmas lunch together. I think what’s hard is that many people have just not thought about being in it for the long haul and when this whole s*show started back in March thought we’d be out by summer, autumn or certainly by Christmas which felt like something to look forward to. I completely agree with the OP, but can equally understand why others might not feel the same.

AwFeebs · 14/12/2020 08:18

I think it depends.

Some won't be as fussed but for it here Christmas can be an incredibly hard time and I can see why people would want their family around.

Original poster

Lostatsea1988 · 14/12/2020 08:19

Some of you may be missing the point a bit.... I'm talking about if you've got immediate family to spend the day with and I'm not talking about people (eg granny) being alone. I just don't feel the need to see my gran - she has my grandpa. And I don't feel the need to see my dad - he has mum and the dogs. And I don't need to see my aunt, she has her husband and two kids. The compelling urge to see extended family is just pretty strange to me!

OP posts:

Original poster

Lostatsea1988 · 14/12/2020 08:22

(and ill repeat they are all great! Good fun! But really don't need to see them this one year personally. Fine if you do, or your circs are different, I'm just wondering if there's anyone in same boat as me cos I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with me! 🙃)

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2020 08:23

I think you’re missing the point that most people don’t need to see their family. They just really want to. Plenty are choosing not to because of the risk this year and just feel sad about that.

DuzzyFuck · 14/12/2020 08:24

I agree with you OP, but I also live abroad so probably have the same slightly different viewpoint as you.

I haven't seen my parents in person in 15 months, and other family for 18-20 months. It'll likely be another 3-4 at least before I can see any of them but as another poster put it, I'm being pragmatic about it. I can't do anything about it so there's no point wasting energy fretting.

I completely appreciate that everyone's situation is different but I'm a bit at all the people who are going to be meeting up completely unnecessarily, just because you can do something doesn't always mean that you should.

EnPoinsettia · 14/12/2020 08:25

No, because they’re dead so I wouldn’t have been anyway. So actually, yes.

longestlurkerever · 14/12/2020 08:28

I'd be perfectly happy not seeing family but they'd be very sad. They have barely seen the DC this year and not at all since September. And the DC think Christmas is about family, which is s message that most years I have encouraged because we are not religious but not do I want them to think it's just about presents. I never enjoy Christmas that much tbh but I suck it up because it means a lot to the kids and my mum. I guess it's the same this year. I would worry about my mum being lonely- it's been a tough enough year as it is

CordeliaCroft · 14/12/2020 08:30

I disagree it’s easier if you have family abroad. I would say those of us with family overseas have been hard hit. I can’t visit as would have to quarantine for 10 days which is not possible. My parents are also elderly and if anything happened I wouldn’t be able to get to see them and we are truly separated by this pandemic. No chance to chat in the garden or go for a walk outside. I am also being pragmatic about it because it’s beyond my control.

bigbluebus · 14/12/2020 08:35

I'm with you OP and none of our families live abroad - although the family that we normally visit over Christmas are 4 hours away. I'm looking forward to not going away this year - it is quite a rush straight after Boxing Day. IL's will have each other as they are in a bubble. All presents have been posted - there will be a zoom call during Christmas at some point.

My family usually meet just before Christmas and in January for a pub lunch and that certainly won't be happening for a while but we are all happy with that. Might help that we are all in our 50's and 60's so no small children involved and we've spent many Christmases with our families in the past.

pinkbalconyrailing · 14/12/2020 08:39

@CordeliaCroft

I agree.

plus visits are packed with visits to all relatives with cake and coffee and rich meals until your guts protest and old friends 'from home' and shopping for things that is not avaibable where you live.

it's actually hard work.
as nice as it is, a holiday it ain't.

Happytentoes · 14/12/2020 08:44

I am just fine with not having to visit some extended family member every day of the Christmas period, not having DH’s relatives visit from abroad, not seeing the same people each day in a few different settings.

Lovely people. I just don’t see the point of reciprocal visiting compressed into a week, but MIL lives by it. So I feel for her, but I am relieved.

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