Feel like a failure for not protecting my children against covid

[MumToBe1980]

Hi, my husband and I have both tested positive for covid today, and I am devasted. We have only been going to shops minimally, work as, required and no socialising and have still contracted it. I have a 4 year old boy and 13 month old girl, my girl has been under the weather today and my son has just been coughing a little in his sleep so suspect they have it. I just feel I have let them down, I am their mum and should be keeping them safe in this pandemic and instead I have infected them. I'm so scared about the long term health implications for them and feel like i will never forgive myself for this. I'm not sure what reaction I'm looking for really, does anyone else feel like this? Just feel like i am living in a nitemare 😢

For your dcs, covid will probably be little more than a cold. Would you normally feel so guilty about them catching a cold?

And anyway, you don't know for sure that they are infected, and if they are, they may have given it to you

Oh OP. Firstly I am so sorry that you have contracted Coronavirus and that your children have it. But please give yourself a break. It's not your fault that your children have got it - you took all the precautions you could and it's hard to protect anyone against an airborne virus!
Please be assured that most kids only experience very mild symptoms and make a complete recovery!! You sound very anxious - do you have anxiety or depression?

I feel guilty that I’m worked frontline and put my kids in danger (I tested positive and the kids have possible symptoms).

The fact is we might have caught it from the kids anyway via school and they showed symptoms later?

The numbers rising, you did your best.. if you had completely hidden away for months they would have been affected from that.

You will all get through this fine and have antibodies in time to enjoy Christmas.

@MumToBe1980 - it's a virus, you can't distance from children that age so there isn't much you could do to prevent them catching it. Unless they have specific immune issues they are likely to get so much sooner than you. Take lots of vitamin D and vitamin C, get well soon.

@AverageHuman - The fact is we might have caught it from the kids anyway via school and they showed symptoms later?
That isn't a fact, it's nonsense. If two close contacts get symptoms in succession, the one with symptoms first caught it first.

@MRex
I felt symptoms a week before the cough started. Kids had no symptoms till the cough started around the same time. Its very possible they are just having less illness than me so had no visible symptoms initially when i did. Which I have been told by a medical professional - are you a very qualified scientist or medical professional?!

The thread isn't about you with whatever symptoms and timeline you decide to bring as news to the thread @AverageHuman. OP stated clearly that she and her DH tested positive and then after that the children got poorly, so we're talking days after her and her DH had initial symptoms. The asymptomatic infectious stage last a couple of days at most from all research, that does not match this timeline. It's better to stick with the known facts about transmission, because inventing unlikely scenarios of extended periods of asymptomatic highly infectious states followed by symptoms can give other people needless anxiety. Quite apart from which, 13 month olds don't go to school!

Thanks for your replies. I am a very anxious person, my dad spent spent 6 years battling cancer, had a heart attack, pulmonary embolism and 2 severe cases of pneumonia until he died and I spent alot of time in hospital and researching treatments so feel like this may hay contributed. I do always seem to think the worse as well so instead of looking at covid like a severe cold I worry it cold be more like hiv of hpv and cause lots of future issues for my little ones in the future x

I'm actually mad at how people have been conditioned to feel guilt and blame for catching a virus.

Try and relax, the chances are massively in your favour that you will all be fine.

Please do not worry about this, catching viruses is a part of life and especially of childhood; it is how our immune systems are formed and strengthened.

Hoping good health for you all and a more peaceful heart for you.

@MumToBe1980 - really it's very unlikely that your little ones will have long term effects. Just focus on getting well.

The younger you are, the better the outcome, so you should be concentrating on getting yourself better, as your little ones will be bouncing back from it in no time. This is no one's fault. You can no sooner control infection than you can control breathing in and out. It's airborne.

OP stated clearly that she and her DH tested positive and then after that the children got poorly, so we're talking days after her and her DH had initial symptoms.

I've reread the OP and my reaction is still "well, the kids could have infected you" (after exposure at school or daycare) but either way getting a circulating virus is not a parenting failure.

The OP doesn't contain enough information to know what the sequence of infection was especially given that Covid looks different in children.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery OP (your kids will probably be better before you. This is a very, very mild illness for most under 10s).

We don't know the long term implications but take something like mumps, in young children it is generally a mild illness with fewer implications than in older teenagers and adults. Similar with chicken pox. The chances are that it will be mild and hopefully few long term effects.

Would you feel the same if they caught a different sort of coronavirus (a common cold?)

You'll all be a bit under the weather for a few days then you'll be fine. You'll all make each other ill hundreds of times throughout their childhoods. Its just how all viruses work.

I understand covid19 is a particularly nasty virus, but, similar to flu, the vast majority of people who are severaly effected are very elderly and/or medically vulnerable. The average age of a person who dies with C19 is 82.5, for example.

I hope you all feel better soon.

I’m exposed to a very high risk of catching COVID every day, I can’t work from home. My children also go to school. What kind of mother am I?
Seriously, the risk for children is absolutely minimal unless they have a serious medical condition that affects immunity.
I am an anxious person too, so I get you! But believe it or not, with Covid I was able to finally accept that I can’t control everything and if I catch covid, so be it. It’s virtually impossible not to catch it (in my opinion) unless you totally isolate yourself for the foreseeable future and did this in the past several months. But I know even people who were shielding sometimes managed to get it from somewhere. There are a lot of viruses out there. For example, chicken pox. It’s not such a minor viral infection like many people think. My DD actually suffered a lot through it. It seems like coronavirus is much less severe on children. Would you feel the same about chickenpox? Get well soon! There’s zero fault of yours.

@secretllama

I'm actually mad at how people have been conditioned to feel guilt and blame for catching a virus.

Try and relax, the chances are massively in your favour that you will all be fine.

Absolutely, it is a virus it will do what a virus does.

There is so much thought that only bad, rule breaking people catch it, but anyone can especially if going to the shops, work and have children in childcare.

Previously no one would feel any shame in catching a cough or a cold, yet covid everyone has been to feel dirty about it.

Chicken pox is a good comparison, most people won't intentionally let their child catch it, but if they do they accept it for what it is. Why is covid different?

@secretllama

I'm actually mad at how people have been conditioned to feel guilt and blame for catching a virus.

Try and relax, the chances are massively in your favour that you will all be fine.

Same here! It's a virus. It's raison d'etre is to pass from one human being to another. It's actually quite hard to stop it from doing that. Humans have multiple other things to be thinking about and doing, other than solely protecting themselves from said virus. Cut yourself some slack OP.

Op easy for me to say but you shouldn't feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong. Your little ones will be fine even if they catch it. It is a mild illness I children.
I hope you all feel better soon.

Your anxiety is clouding reality and in the long term if you don't take steps to reduce it it could have a worse effect on your children than catching covid. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I really think you should direct your energies into sorting out your mental health.

As a first step, I would recommend seeing your GP and talking to them honestly about how you feel. I would also do some research on anxiety on the internet, there are tons of articles on how to deal with it yourself... I know because I've been using them myself

Please go easy on yourself OP, like everyone else has said, it's almost impossible to stop the spread of a virus and you have done nothing wrong and have not let your children down in the slightest. If only more children could have a mum who cared about them as much as you.

Just wanted to give my sympathy. My toddler has tested positive this week and it took me a while to get over the shock. I feel like I failed him by sending him to nursery and I should have kept him home with me. I work full time so it wasn't exactly a choice, but still feel I should have figured something out. But he is perfectly fine! Please try to relax and give yourself a break, you sound like a great mum.

In the gentlest way you need to get a grip. Unless you have particular cause for concern about their health the vanishingly high likelihood kids will be fine and not even remember this and have no ill effects. Being “devastated” is silly. Chicken pox is likely to be worse for kids than Covid and most people just accept that kids will get that as an inevitability. It’s a virus just doing what it does, it spreads easily, if it could be avoided easily no one would get it.

I agree with many of the points made. But especially that shutting children of that age away from the world (even if was possible around your work etc) for a year would really not be healthy to them in terms of their emotional and social development. So 'protecting' them from Covid would involve exposing them to other risks from being isolated for so long. If you are feeling ill then it's probably hard to think clearly. Hope you all feel better soon.

Thanks everyone, I am fine health wise, husband ill so told him to stay in bed all day. I'm just trying to reduce the children's exposure now so windows open, wearing mask, washing hands, cleaning, changed bedding, have I missed anything? X

What day is your husband on OP? Keep an eye on him and don't be afraid to call 111 for advice. Keep your DC hydrated and remember that you have it too. You need to rest up. Make sandwiches for your DC rather than cook meals and get back on the sofa. I would continue giving everyone their usual vitamin and mineral supplements, particularly vitamin D.