Feel like a failure for not protecting my children against covid

[MumToBe1980]

Hi, my husband and I have both tested positive for covid today, and I am devasted. We have only been going to shops minimally, work as, required and no socialising and have still contracted it. I have a 4 year old boy and 13 month old girl, my girl has been under the weather today and my son has just been coughing a little in his sleep so suspect they have it. I just feel I have let them down, I am their mum and should be keeping them safe in this pandemic and instead I have infected them. I'm so scared about the long term health implications for them and feel like i will never forgive myself for this. I'm not sure what reaction I'm looking for really, does anyone else feel like this? Just feel like i am living in a nitemare 😢

I'm going to say something that might sound hurtful but honestly isn't intended that way. I was partially raised by a care giver - a grandmother - whose untreated anxiety issues made them very anxious and risk adverse in their approach to parenting both me and her own children before that. Its had negative longterm consequences on all of us in various ways. Ironically three of us responded by leaving home ASAP and basically going wild in their teens, with genuinely longterm consequences for two us (I just got away with some terrible hangovers & good anecdotes ). In other words your anxiety almost certainly poses far more risk to your DC longterm than Covid, or potentially any other health & safety issue. Please consider whether this is something to work on, maybe with professional help, because your DC will learn so much good or bad from how they see you navigate risk and manage anxiety.

Aw maybe I will try to speak with someone and get some counselling at some point. However I don't think I can ever forgive myself for this especially if it leads to long term or serious health issues. Thanks again everyone for all your comments

Yanbu OP. We're in a pandemic, the only way you can completely avoid it is for you all to be housebound all of the time which would be way more damaging.
Wishing you all a speedy recovery, and, on the bright side, you will now likely have immunity for many months.

Thank you all x

@MumToBe1980

Thanks everyone, I am fine health wise, husband ill so told him to stay in bed all day. I'm just trying to reduce the children's exposure now so windows open, wearing mask, washing hands, cleaning, changed bedding, have I missed anything? X

Honestly I'd worry more about your dh than your children, if he is ill enough to need to stay in bed. Lot. Given you have young children I assume your DH and you are under 40 so neither of you is likely to get very ill but both of you are more likely to have worse symptoms than your children

@MumToBe1980 - I tested positive this week & my 8 month old def has it & I suspect my 3 year old is just starting with it. You can’t beat yourself up & really don’t worry too much. I’ve no idea where I caught it from (possibly the removal men two weeks ago but unlikely, after that I’ve been to a few shops & that’s it) & at the end of the day, it’s a virus like any other. Contagious & you can pick it up anywhere no matter how careful. It is highly unlikely your children will suffer badly & even more unlikely they’ll have any long term effects. I’m in a tier 3 area & I know at least 15 children who’ve had it & are completely fine. Most were barely ill, a few had heavy cold like symptoms. My 8 month old appears to have a stinker of a cold but that’s the same symptoms as me & I’m positive. So I’m just assuming she is too! She’s happy & eating plenty, just very snotty & quite clingy.

We’ve not even tried to SD from each other. Continuing as normal in the house. Not washed anything, I don’t have time & I feel pretty rough 🥴 and we are 100% not wearing masks. Good grief no. We’ll all most likely be a’ok. My worry is knowing when we all def stop being infectious. My mum is vulnerable so I think we’ll be giving a decent chunk of time just to safe..

Just see it like any other illness. Deal with it & move on. Hope your husband is OK. Is he much more ill than you? Make sure you rest as well.

He has asthma, but is a typical man so every snuffe is flu! Thanks, Moiraroses, it feels like we are the only people who actually have it which makes me feel even worse so good to know I'm not alone. Husband is much better today. Will feel much happier once this 10 day period is over. X

Illnesses spread. They always have, they always will. I hate the way that this one has become so closely entwined with behaviour and morality.

I ended up with a 9wk old with chicken pox. His 2yo DB caught it at nursery and broke out with it when baby was 7 weeks. I had increased nursery hours for DS1's benefit while I was struggling with SPD and birth injury so that he had more stimulation than I could provide at a difficult time. It was unfortunate that they both became poorly, and good that neither was significantly ill and have never shown signs of long term complications.

You can not remove risk. There is no guilt in it. Guilt is generally a pretty shitty waste of time emotion, and there is far too much of it about. It's not often that we feel it and are able to use it productively to make positive changes. Most of the time it floats around making us feel crap.

The good news with the timing is that you should all be beyond the contagious phase and recovered by Christmas and able to celebrate without the worry of disruption.

@MumToBe1980

Thanks everyone, I am fine health wise, husband ill so told him to stay in bed all day. I'm just trying to reduce the children's exposure now so windows open, wearing mask, washing hands, cleaning, changed bedding, have I missed anything? X

Sounds like you are doing all the right things and were when you caught the virus. So no guilt feeling needed.

We can't protect our kids from everything and it would be unhealthy if we did. There immune systems need to build up by getting viruses etc occasionally.

My family got the virus before first lockdown and to be honest it has turned out to be a relief. We follow the rules but I am definitely less worried about the viruses direct affect on my family. Obviously worried about spread to more vulnerable people through.

Take care of yourself so you can take care of everyone else and try not to worry xxxx

@MRex I am sorry if I caused you anxiety, that certainly wasn’t my intention. It is a novel virus and not every ‘fact’ you read is quite spot on but it’s nothing to worry about. I’m no conspiracy theorist at all, however it’s been eye opening working in healthcare and having had the virus first hand.
It’s ok to sympathise and discuss your own feelings and experiences on a support site, we don’t have to only share ‘facts’.

OP I hope you are all well now, my DH has been quite low and it’s been hard dealing with the brain fog.