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Original poster

Child asked to self isolate when in care of non resident parent

51 replies

TheBadElfParade · 11/12/2020 17:45

Hello just after a bit of advise it is all very confusing.

We have my partners DS every other weekend and midweek contact. It is his weekend here so I have picked him up from school today.

We have received a text from school saying he has been in close contact with a positive case and has to self isolate until 22nd December.

What happens here now, as the child does not live with us? Must his son remain here for the next week or two? He is due to go back to his mums on Monday but of course if he does have the rona the damage is already done for him not to see us until Christmas?

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 11/12/2020 17:47

He should stay in your household while he completes his self-isolation.

ImNotCutOutForThis · 11/12/2020 17:48

Yes would stay in that household

FestiveChristmasLights · 11/12/2020 17:49

I think it’s fine for him to return to his mum’s because he is the one isolating, not your household, and children are allowed to travel between parents.

Dreamingofvenice · 11/12/2020 17:49

He should stay with you now. I have been sending my DD to her dads with extra clothes etc in case this happens.

Chasingsquirrels · 11/12/2020 17:50

Actually I've assumed you are in England. I don't know about the devolved nations.

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-8901/
Para 2.2 (or 2.3? I just looked at it and can't remember!).

Chasingsquirrels · 11/12/2020 17:52

It was para 2.2, 2nd bit...

A person subject to the self-isolation requirement must not leave their home except for a list of reasons specified in paragraph 2(3) of the regulations – e.g. where it is necessary to seek medical assistance. Visiting a parent whom a child was not living with at the time they were notified of the requirement to self-isolate is not specifically listed as a reason why a child self-isolating may leave the house.

Sally872 · 11/12/2020 17:52

If step son is isolating as a precaution my understanding is the household doesn't have to isolate unless someone shows symptoms. So he might be allowed to go between both households anyway.

ClaudiaWankleman · 11/12/2020 17:53

It's not too different to a child receiving the instructions while staying with an aunt/ friend/ childminder. The order is for the child to isolate, not the rest of the family. I think it's fine to send child back to the resident parent to complete the self isolation.

Original poster
TheBadElfParade · 11/12/2020 17:54

@Chasingsquirrels

Just to clarify, does this mean his son has to stay here even though he usually lives at his mums address?

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 11/12/2020 17:58

I think the above and linked is VERY clear that the child stays where they are at the point at which they are told to self isolate.

But then I consider that such children (my own included, he was sent home to self isolate on Monday and won't be seeing his dad for the duration) to have 2 homes and are living at whichever one they happen to be at, at that point. I guess your viewpoint on this informs your interpretation of my link.

Original poster
TheBadElfParade · 11/12/2020 17:59

It’s to my understanding if his son goes back to his mothers on Monday he will not be allowed by her to come back here for any CAO time regardless of whether he’s been isolating for a few days here or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBadElfParade · 11/12/2020 18:00

I don’t think she will allow him to stay for the weekend either, she can be pretty dominant when it comes to him.

Thanks for clarifying this @Chasingsquirrels it’s not been a good year for split families regarding covid and isolating

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 11/12/2020 18:05

My interpretation of the rules is that he should return immediately to his home (I.e. his mum's) and complete his self-isolation there. He's not required to stay somewhere that he doesn't live. I wouldn't say one midweek and EOW counts as 'living with' you.

How old is he? If he's quite young, he might not cope very well with being away from his mum for 14 days.

Chasingsquirrels · 11/12/2020 18:07

In reality TheBadElfParade the thing your partner (you, as you're the one posting) has to consider is the relationship between the child's parents and the implications on the child of insisting that the child stays with you.
On top of what the COVID regulations, state, and we each need to consider our compliance or otherwise with them.

Personally, as I've said, I think the child should stay with you.

With my son he would have been at his dad's on Monday night, I was called before 11am on Monday morning and popped over and picked him up. It was only afterwards that I considered that perhaps I should have passed it over to his dad to pick him up (as he was meant to be there that night) which would have left him self isolating there.

JamesMoriarty · 11/12/2020 18:09

I brought mine home immediately after finding out. He wouldn't have coped away from me for 2 weeks.

Chasingsquirrels · 11/12/2020 18:10

EOW & 1 mid week is 5 nights a fortnight (on the basis of this thread with the EOW beong Fri-Mon).
That's more than 1/3rd of the child's normal time (and maybe more in holidays).
I wouldn't want to be in a position where 1/3rs of my home life was spent somewhere that only classed me as a visitor.

Chasingsquirrels · 11/12/2020 18:12

How old is he OP?
Has he been with you for longer periods (holidays) and coped okay?
Is he old enough to express a preference that isn't just "pleasing" one or the other of his parents?
Is his mum going to kick off if he doesn't go back to her home to the extent that it will negatively impact on his life?

MessAllOver · 11/12/2020 18:13

It all depends on the circumstances and age of the child, doesn't it? OP, do you have everything the boy will need at your house? Toiletries, toys (depending on age), books, school resources, teddies? If not, send him home.

Hellotheresweet · 11/12/2020 18:15

Presumably the mother knows and has contacted you?

roses2 · 11/12/2020 18:15

I would keep him wherever he feels more comfortable for two weeks.

Original poster
TheBadElfParade · 11/12/2020 18:15

I guess it’s a very grey subject area isn’t it.

His son is 7. He does have a ‘home’ here, in spite of what the above poster said about our living situation, he has his bedroom, his clothes and his things here and his brother and it is treated like a home, no matter where the court order stays he resides. There are four people living under this roof, not three!

I believe he would equally suffer not seeing his dad for two weeks in the same case as not seeing his mother. If we could work it out that we can continue with the care between the two homes as long as he’s not showing symptoms (he’s not so far) it would be ideal but this isn’t going to be a possibility here.

We will try and ring for some advise in the morning. Of course the main thing is his sons wishes, I suppose we could sit down and ask him where he would like to be and give a choice whether to stay or go back?

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 11/12/2020 18:17

He's 7 and old enough to express a preference. If he's equally at home in both houses, I'd just ask him what he wants to do. It's a difficult situation for you all.

Hellotheresweet · 11/12/2020 18:26

@roses2

I would keep him wherever he feels more comfortable for two weeks.
This.

But I wouldn’t ask him directly who as this will put him under pressure.

Instead just the truth. You have to stay somewhere for two weeks, it’s totally your choice - as mum/we will get to see you LOADS afterwards and it will be super special

Hellotheresweet · 11/12/2020 18:27

Sent too early.
I meant to say it’s not totally your choice but we think x and then...

Sparklemummyx0x0x · 11/12/2020 18:34

When my son had to self isolate due to contact with a child at school, he still swapped from mine to his dads house.
It is the child that self isolates, not the household, unless they develop symptoms themselves. I think you would know by Monday anyway if symptoms develop, it's usually the first 48hrs.
Children who have 2 different households are allowed to still go between, even in lockdown.