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Original poster

Child asked to self isolate when in care of non resident parent

51 replies

TheBadElfParade · 11/12/2020 17:45

Hello just after a bit of advise it is all very confusing.

We have my partners DS every other weekend and midweek contact. It is his weekend here so I have picked him up from school today.

We have received a text from school saying he has been in close contact with a positive case and has to self isolate until 22nd December.

What happens here now, as the child does not live with us? Must his son remain here for the next week or two? He is due to go back to his mums on Monday but of course if he does have the rona the damage is already done for him not to see us until Christmas?

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 11/12/2020 18:36

My daughters just gone through this as her school bubble popped. We just continued with the routine of her going to dads/being at home. We know if she developed symptoms we'd all have to then isolate.

Sparklemummyx0x0x · 11/12/2020 18:42

The way we saw it, my son was at his dad's the Thurs night, Friday night we found out he needed to self isolate when he was with me. The child who had covid was in school on Thursday. So if my child had covid, he was with both households anyway so self isolating at either didn't matter.
My job ( and his dads) makes us exposed daily so we're at risk all the time which puts my son at risk too.

MadeForThis · 11/12/2020 18:46

I would keep the normal routine and just keep him isolated while in each house.

dementedpixie · 11/12/2020 18:49

From Monday the isolation time is dropping to 10 days so that will help

PandaBabyJuly · 11/12/2020 18:51

I had to seek legal advice on this as my ex tried keeping dd when her bubble burst from school ...

Solicitor said the court order was to still be followed; as long as she travelled between houses in a private car and then stayed inside that house during her time with either parent.

So that's what we did - kept her indoors at each house Smile

Original poster
TheBadElfParade · 11/12/2020 18:52

@MadeForThis

This would not be an option. His mother won’t allow it. We have gone through this before

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 11/12/2020 18:54

Does the text say when the contact was as school might be working on the 14 day isolation whereas from Monday its dropping to 10 days

dementedpixie · 11/12/2020 18:56

I suspect contact was on Wednesday so by my reckoning would only need to isolate until next Friday the 18th.

Original poster
TheBadElfParade · 11/12/2020 19:05

It says until the 22nd on the letter.

I think what we are most worried about as well is if his son goes back to his mums he would ‘appear’ with symptoms close to the time of the end of isolation period and it will jepordise Christmas for him. This has happened a few times this year where coronavirus has been used to manipulate his sons time with him unfortunately, it’s not been a great year at all for us.

We have discussed that We will seek legal advice in the morning and then if all is okay that no law will be broken by whatever we decide, wherever his son wants to stay we will comply with that wish.

OP posts:
MindThatTree · 11/12/2020 19:11

Just do what you want. It isn’t written explicitly as each child’s situation is different. Just do what works best for your families.

Hellotheresweet · 11/12/2020 19:11

Op

The mother will have got the text too surely
Has she not been in contact to convey her view

Sweettea1 · 11/12/2020 19:13

He can go bk to his mums he won't of been around the child today because he would of been of an guessing off yesterday aswell to be tested so looking at wed that he had contact with the positive child so he has already been around his mum so won't make much difference.

Wishitsnows · 11/12/2020 19:15

He should go back to his mums and the you follow your normal pattern.

Bleughbleughbleugh12 · 11/12/2020 19:19

Agree with others, routine as usual but just staying in the home... whichever home. You’ve all been around each other anyway I’d consider you all one big bubble

BlackeyedSusan · 11/12/2020 19:46

child needs to stay in one house and not keep normal contact arrangements as they are not listed as a reason to leave the house. Child is allowed to return home to self isolate. (three times mine have been with their dad when the text call came, so they stayed there until it was time to come home. They go to their dad's straight after school as they can walk from school to his. One was on a contact visit with dad when we got the email)

Either he returns home or stays with you. If he returns home he can not visit again until his isolation is over.

Sally872 · 12/12/2020 07:18

If he gets symptoms he must get a test, so should be finished isolation or have a positive test if having to isolate longer, Christmas shouldn't be jeopardised.

I don't think mum should stop him coming for contact visits. I especially don't think you should stop him going home to resident parent.

TW2013 · 12/12/2020 07:44

I would also consider whether his mother is likely to test him if he has symptoms. Can either house easily accommodate the childcare?

GinNotGym19 · 12/12/2020 07:55

This is a grey area. Mine had to isolate and stay at exh for 14 days. I mean I wasn’t thrilled but we agreed that when this pops up they’ll just stay at whatever house they are in at the time of being told to isolate.

Different situation as seems as if your step child’s mum isn’t the most reasonable. I’m assuming she knows, is his dad able to talk to her about it? It’s very unfortunate timing! I would be reluctant to refuse to send him back if she really insists though because it’s going to cause so many more problems

Lovemusic33 · 12/12/2020 08:06

The rules around split families are just awful. Yes, the advice is that they stay with what ever parent they are with when they get the message to isolate but I know several people who have ignored that because its not always practical. A friend has just sent his dd to her mothers during isolation because the mother doesn't work and he does, he can't afford 2 weeks off work (he will not be able to pay his rent), so he got his dd tested, test was negative so his dd then moved to her mothers.
My dc's only see there father one day a week so they would find it distressing to have to isolate away from me for 14 days so I would of course have them back here with me.
OP, do what's best for the child and your situation. Our kids have been through so much this year already. If he's happy to stay with you and its possible to care for him for 14 days then keep him there, if its not possible then return him to his mum.

PicsInRed · 12/12/2020 10:03

It's clear that travel between homes is "essential" for the purposes of "delivering care" and to comply with any contact order.

Using covid to withhold contact has been specifically addressed by family court as unacceptable.

Original poster
TheBadElfParade · 12/12/2020 10:35

@PicsInRed yes that would be the ideal situation and we would be happy to do that but the mother is already under the court for withholding in covid, and this will be another excuse to keep his son from spending time with his dad over the Christmas period.

Once he goes back to his mums, we will not see him again until she believes isolation is up - she is ‘above’ the law, always has been.

The last thing we want is more damage to his son, she has put him through enough this year.

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 12/12/2020 11:09

@TheBadElfParade. I am sorry to hear that this child's mum is incapable of putting him first and promoting a good relationship with his dad, that must be so tricky to deal with.

Generally, I would say a young child would be best isolating in their "main" home (where they spend the majority of their time) with their primary carer, taking into account who can most easily provide childcare, but it sounds like it is not so clear-cut in this case.

Frazzled2207 · 12/12/2020 11:44

assuming the boy and his mum are happy I think the best thing is for him to return to his mum's when due then by Christmas everyone should be in the clear. There is no official guidance on this kind of scenario which is quite common.

In terms of what happens between now and Christmas, at seven I think he has a say. Hopefully the reduction of SI from 14 to 10 days will help here? Sorry that the mum is not being cooperative.

Original poster
TheBadElfParade · 12/12/2020 12:12

We have been instructed to drop him off or she will be collecting him herself (her words).

She has another Vulnerable child in her household too.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 12/12/2020 13:03

Frazzled220
There is no official guidance on this kind of scenario which is quite common.

There is...
Visiting a parent whom a child was not living with at the time they were notified of the requirement to self-isolate is not specifically listed as a reason why a child self-isolating may leave the house.

I linked to it and posted the detail quite early on in the thread.

The interpretation of where a child lives might be more open to interpretation.
Lots of children whose parents don't live together have two homes, some only have one.

And realistically all parties involved should give consideration to the needs of the child, and the other household members.

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