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Original poster

Did I do the right thing?

31 replies

MogsSitOnDogs · 03/12/2020 20:30

I am my elderly mum's support bubble, she has a view health conditions that make her more vulnerable to coronavirus. I have tried to be really careful about limiting my social interaction with others to try and protect her. I work from home, get shops delivered etc. Today I went to the GP. There was a medical student sitting in who I said I was happy to examine me which I was. The risks seemed low as everyone was wearing masks etc. I happened to mention how good the student was to my sister, who is now furious with me. She says by allowing the student to sit in I have put my elderly mum at more risk than I needed to. Is she right?

OP posts:
Bushola · 03/12/2020 20:31

No.

Bushola · 03/12/2020 20:33

And by no, I meant that as the answer to is your sister right.

Tell her to calm down and look at it in perspective, but I suspect she’s been watching too much Bbc/Sky news.

TreaterAnita · 03/12/2020 20:34

No, and I’d be inclined to suggest that if she’s so concerned perhaps your sister ought to be the one solely caring for your mum.

Heybeendyingtomeetyou · 03/12/2020 20:35

No.
The clinicians I work with take it very seriously and are not going to needlessly put patients at risk.
If the student was at risk of passing Covid on to patients then there is no way the Dr supervising would want them in the room with them.

PinkFondantFancy · 03/12/2020 20:36

Your sister is being a muppet. Medical students still need to be trained this year and they'll be very careful to take all precautions

Original poster
MogsSitOnDogs · 03/12/2020 20:38

Thank you. Part of the problem Ï think is my sister feels she would do a much better job than me bit can't because she has 2 young children and 2 teenagers in secondary school. She is also very anxious. And is great and making me feel like ï am doing a great job of messing everything up.

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PrivateD00r · 03/12/2020 20:41

No, you did nothing wrong. In fact, you did a good thing in letting the student examine you as they need it to qualify. And we need doctors!

MrsJonesAndMe · 03/12/2020 20:42

Your sister is ridiculous!

MotherPiglet · 03/12/2020 20:43

You have done nothing wrong and please dont let this put you off seeing student doctors in the future. Everyone has to learn from somewhere. If they dont get to practice as a student, we'll end up with no doctors!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 03/12/2020 20:45

The correct response to your sister is, fuck off

Original poster
MogsSitOnDogs · 03/12/2020 21:05

So you don't think seeing the student will have increased my risk of picking something up and passing it to my mum? Ï would love to tell mu sister where to go but she wouldn't take kindly to it. Just have to try and not let it get to me too much

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Original poster
MogsSitOnDogs · 03/12/2020 21:53

She is still texting me now about how students are "full of covid". Ï feel awful about it.

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hardtimeuphere · 03/12/2020 22:14

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job and have adapted your life in a big way for someone else. I can understand day to day anxiety on your sisters part but she should not be making you feel guilty in any way for the anxiety and lack of control she feels. At the end of the day this is a virus and it is beyond our control to protect ourselves and our loved ones from it perfectly. It sounds like she is looking for perfection from you and this is unfair.
If you socially distanced, wore a mask, washed your hands, tried your best as it sounds like you are doing then ignore her and try and move on from her unreasonable expectations. Students have to study and I'm sure the doctors know what they are doing.

Bollss · 03/12/2020 22:16

@MogsSitOnDogs

She is still texting me now about how students are "full of covid". Ï feel awful about it.
Why does she think that? We are still sending medical students to wards with no issues. If they were a massive risk there is no way in hell they'd even be allowed in the building let alone in a clinical environment!
Original poster
MogsSitOnDogs · 03/12/2020 22:16

She is making the point that ı would not have allowed it had I been the one that was frail and vulnerable. So I let my mum down by allowing it to happen. I can almost see her argument and she is so furious so it's hard.

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Bollss · 03/12/2020 22:19

@MogsSitOnDogs

She is making the point that ı would not have allowed it had I been the one that was frail and vulnerable. So I let my mum down by allowing it to happen. I can almost see her argument and she is so furious so it's hard.
I'd make the point that if we all deny medical students there'll be less doctors in future to treat people like your vulnerable mum. The student will have been just as ppe'd up as the doctor anyway. She's being silly.
TreaterAnita · 03/12/2020 22:20

It’s a medical student starting their clinical training, not a fresher! Your sister is being a) absurd and b) really quite ignorant. I’m sorry you don’t feel able to stand up to her, she sounds like a bit of a bully.

Original poster
MogsSitOnDogs · 03/12/2020 22:24

Well my mum also thinks the sun shines out of my sisters backside so I don't want to cause a family argument. And I am trying to calm my sister down because she is telling me that mum "needs to be made aware of how irresponsible I am being with her health". So I don't want her worrying. But the more I try and defend myself the angrier she is getting. Nothing I do is ever good enough for any of them.

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TreaterAnita · 03/12/2020 22:35

That sounds awful Mogs, I’m sorry. I don’t think you’ve been irresponsible at all. Can you tell your sister that it would be very irresponsible of her to make your mum anxious about her health when there’s no reason to suppose that you’ve put her at any risk? Unless your sister has some magic alternative to you as her bubble, it seems very cruel to worry your mum for no reason.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 04/12/2020 05:38

Stop trying to defend yourself. You’ve done nothing wrong, your sister is being an idiot. I would block her for now, she’s doing nothing to help you and only causing you anxiety

MrsJonesAndMe · 04/12/2020 14:23

How are you today @MogsSitOnDogs? I think your sister has been terribly unfair and it sounds like you're generally the black sheep here? Need to do all the donkey work, but nothing is good enough?

Flowers
ElephantWhaleRabbit · 04/12/2020 14:37

No, your sister isn't right.

Original poster
MogsSitOnDogs · 04/12/2020 14:58

@MrsJonesAndMe yes that pretty much sums it up. My mum is always praising mu sister and her amazing husband/ children/ house etc. Me and DH are very happy but we rent and we don't have children so I will never be good enough. Which ironically is a good thing at the moment as it is helping keep my mum safe and allowing me to look after her.

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MrsJonesAndMe · 04/12/2020 21:53

(((hugs)))

eeeyoresmiles · 04/12/2020 22:19

Technically, any extra person present increases the risk by a tiny bit. However that would only make a significant difference here if the medical student was coming in ONLY when your mum was in there and otherwise wasn't in the surgery at all.

As it is, the student will have been in and out of that room all day, and walking through the corridors and so on. So IF (and the chance is still very small, AND they were wearing a mask) they were infectious, then it won't have made a big difference them actually being in the room at the exact same moment as your mum, because whatever they've breathed out in the previous appointment will still be swirling about anyway.

On top of that, even if you assume all students of any age and flavour are at greater risk of covid, the chances of any one individual student having it on one particular day are still low. They could have had it and got over it two months ago or might not get it until January.

So I'd say you can say to your sister quite truthfully that no, it won't have made any significant difference to your mum's risk this time. But at the same time it might be a kind thing to do to reassure her that you do understand that, yes, in some situations adding an extra person adds risk, and you'll bear that in mind. It's not intrinsically wrong to want to avoid that, even if it wouldn't have made any difference this time.