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Original poster

How honest should I be with my relative?

64 replies

2345AnotherName · 03/12/2020 12:27

A close family member who I don't live with works in a hospital as admin. She has just texted me saying that she has received a letter inviting her to have the vaccine. I was surprised as I didn't think her role would be included but very happy it's been offered to her. Anyway, in her text she asked me if I thought she should take it, as it might not be 'safe'. She went on to hint at anti-vax theories.

I am absolutely fuming that she could frankly be this stupid to believe these theories, or even question the safety of the vaccine. However, this is unfortunately in line with her approach to the pandemic generally. She's been having people round during lockdown, and now Tier 2 for frivolous reasons, has ignored the Christmas bubble rule and will be mixing with at least 5 households at Christmas. She won't be opening any windows or following the safety guidance. (I'm going nowhere near and she couldn't comprehend why I am choosing not to mix).

She fails to follow the news or the briefings, which is her choice, but then she hasn't acted responsibly. She thinks the Xmas rule is daft since she's been going to work in a hospital and mixing with people daily, and her kids have been going to school. All her kids are following suit and are completely clueless about the virus and seem to think it simply doesn't affect them. I get really angry as I feel passionately that we all have a responsibility to the vulnerable in our communities. It makes my blood boil to witness their lax attitude.

Up till now, although I've been fuming I've kept out of it mostly as I didn't feel it was my role to preach or tell her off (she's my elder, if that makes any difference). Now she's asked my advice about the vaccine.

I'm tempted to let rip and have a right go at her and while I'm at it point out all the ways she's putting people at risk! But again I know it isn't my place.

How far should I go with my advice on response to her question?

OP posts:

RoseAndRose · 03/12/2020 12:30

'Why are you asked no me? Can't you ask someone in the hospital, as they'll understand the science."

Nomnomarrgh · 03/12/2020 12:33

I have no idea about the rights or wrongs of all this, but when a vaccine goes from ten years creation to eight months, I am treading carefully. I strongly doubt no corners have been cut.

If you spew at the woman saying she is an idiot about the vaccine, you are going to have egg on your face when the side effects they haven’t had time to check for emerge. But yes, go ahead and get on your high horse, by all means.

curtainsfort · 03/12/2020 12:41

How far should I go with my advice on response to her question?

She asked if you thought she should take it, just say yes. Anything else will be wasted on here but if she takes that advice she asked for at least she will be vaccinated.

MumChats · 03/12/2020 12:48

@Nomnomarrgh

I have no idea about the rights or wrongs of all this, but when a vaccine goes from ten years creation to eight months, I am treading carefully. I strongly doubt no corners have been cut.

This kind of attitude is EXACTLY why i keep saying we need better comms about vaccine safety.

There are a lot of reasons why development can take so long, and many delays are commercial rather than medical or relate to issues in recruitment. The Covid vaccine was also not developed 'from scratch' but drew on years of research into production of similar vaccines, it hasn't just been rushed through in 8 months.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, however it's really important to make informed decisions and make sure you fully understand the actual process and the science behind it (rather than making your own interpretation based solely on the timescale).

Brissiegirl · 03/12/2020 12:48

Not sure why you deem it to be totally safe and don't allow, imo, valid objections or questions about the vaccine. I too believe it has been rushed through, and I generally aren't an anti vaxer but I do think this is all to much of a rush. I heard on radio this morning (and sorry but I have not link to it) that apparently you are advised not to breastfeed or get pregnant for 2 months after getting the vaccine. It's also not approved for u16 yrs. If you or anyone wants to take it fine, but I do believe it should be a choice.

MumChats · 03/12/2020 12:50

...and sorry OP i didn't answer your question! But to your family member i'd just encourage to have the vaccine but not let rip. Understand how angry you are but don't think it will actually achieve anything except that you'll feel temporarily better for blowing off steam, but then probably worse as it might lead to a fall out!

PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2020 12:52

She asked a question. Just answer it calmly and politely. Nothing else is really relevant to that.

Ultimately the more people that have the vaccine the better. Picking a big fight isn’t worth it.

MumChats · 03/12/2020 12:54

@Brissiegirl

This is because they havent tested the vaccine on pregnant or breastfeeding women, or on u16s, and so they cannot guarantee its safety for this group.

I think the government are making a huge mistake here. Their messaging has focussed on their fast process to approve the vaccine (a pat on the back for themselves and making themselves look look decisive and quick), they've actually just provoked a lot of worry about it not produced properly due to the rush. Which isn't what has happened.

TheyPavedParadise · 03/12/2020 12:57

How do you think letting rip would help?
Just give her your opinion. Links to why it is safe would be helpful too. I read an interesting article recently about why it usually takes so long to approve a vaccine... red tape, applying for funding etc and why it’s been able to happen so quickly with this one. That might help. Address her concerns if you think you’re able. ‘Letting rip’ wouldn’t achieve anything. Explaining the facts around the virus may just change her mind. So what do you think would be the best approach in the long run?

TheyPavedParadise · 03/12/2020 12:57

*about the vaccination, not about the virus

1stDecember · 03/12/2020 12:59

No point at all "ripping" into her. Just reassure her about the vaccine and tell her you'll be having it yourself as soon as you are offered it.

PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2020 13:01

There was a great question and answer session with professor Jonathan van tam on the bbc this morning. It would be worth directing her to watch that. He talked about safety as the very first question.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/12/2020 13:01

I am absolutely fuming that she could frankly be this stupid to believe these theories, or even question the safety of the vaccine.

Really? You are fuming that someone would question the safety of something that would usually take years to produce? Really? Get over yourself!

PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2020 13:05

Asking questions about vaccine safety is fine. Telling people to blindly accept it and any concerns are stupid does more harm than good. That applies to all vaccines.

When people have any medical treatment there should be an open discussion about the risks and benefits. This vaccine will stand up to those questions and people can make an informed choice to have it. Win win.

notsubscribed · 03/12/2020 13:08

I have no idea about the rights or wrongs of all this, but when a vaccine goes from ten years creation to eight months, I am treading carefully. I strongly doubt no corners have been cut.

Then I suggest you do some reading about the vaccine which explains very clearly that they A. weren't starting from scratch and B. Had infinitely more money/manpower behind it enabling things to get done faster

TheyPavedParadise · 03/12/2020 13:12

@PurpleDaisies

Asking questions about vaccine safety is fine. Telling people to blindly accept it and any concerns are stupid does more harm than good. That applies to all vaccines.

Exactly this. I take into account side effects and risks vs benefits of all medical treatment and procedures I undertake, and this one is no different. People having questions and concerns is fine. The best thing to do it try and help alleviate any concerns they may have by signposting them to the relevant information.

U8myufo · 03/12/2020 13:25

Why are you finding that she would question something or have to think about whether she wants it? Surely we can still question things in this mad society we aren't sheep!

UsernameChat · 03/12/2020 13:29

Why get involved? She works in a hospital? Surely there are loads of qualified people she can ask? By the way, she's not stupid just for questioning the validity of the vaccine. But if she has questions, she should get answers from someone qualified to give them.

PurpleDaisies · 03/12/2020 13:31

@UsernameChat

Maybe she’s embarrassed to ask her colleagues.

EllenRipley · 03/12/2020 13:39

I'm really quite horrified that anyone who has a question or reticence about these vaccines/being vaccinated is immediately cast as a tinfoil hat-wearing idiot, and directed to government announcements on the telly.

Some folk are critical thinkers, and are aware of the many questions and issues raised that are coming from the scientific community and other quite sane and balanced reporting.

If she's an 'anti-vaxxer', thinks her dna is going to be altered/that she'll become a microchipped zombie, or that it's not the result of the appliance of science then sure, she's being daft and no amount of persuasion from you is going to change her mind.

If you're both able to have a reasoned, evidence-based conversation that covers a few pertinent issues, then you'll both probably benefit and be secure in your decision to be vaccinated or not.

PrivateD00r · 03/12/2020 14:01

I am absolutely fuming that she could frankly be this stupid to believe these theories, or even question the safety of the vaccine

Can you expand on this question? Why are you fuming that she is questioning the safety? Asking questions is a good thing op. It is a life skill.

Jrobhatch29 · 03/12/2020 14:07

Why are people not allowed to question the vaccine OP? We have never been in this situation before and it is only natural for some people to have reservations. I will have the vaccine but I do have questions. It's not unreasonable to want more info before having it.

Original poster

2345AnotherName · 03/12/2020 14:09

Haha, I can assure you she is NOT a critical thinker! As I said in my op she is referring to anti vax conspiracy theories! I'm surprised some of the posters on here think that's cool and valid. She's got the total sum of her information from Facebook as she refuses to engage with any news.

OP posts:

TheyPavedParadise · 03/12/2020 14:12

@2345AnotherName

My point still stands though, what’s the point in losing your rag with her? What will it achieve? And if you know what she’s like, why be fuming over it? Surely it’s not unexpected? Honestly it sounds like she’s just not very bright, in which case signposting her to accurate information may be helpful. Certainly more helpful than yelling at her.

CloudPop · 03/12/2020 14:15

I'm surprised at how many people have detailed knowledge of the process and timescales of vaccine development.

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