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Original poster

Solve the 3 household conundrum to stop my MIL's tears

57 replies

CupofTeaforMePlease · 26/11/2020 12:28

What would you do if you were me:

Me and DH and DC = 1 household.

DH's Mum and her DC = 1 household

DH's Dad = 1 household (stays overnight with his new gf so not sure if he counts as bubble to DH's Mum and their DC?)

DH's DB and his wife = 1 household

DH's DSis lives alone so can bubble with DH's Mum?

DMil's bf = 1 household.

I'm thinking just stay out of it for one year. It's too complicated and risky I think. But could there be a solution here? DH reckons if MIL didn't see her bf then that would be fine as his DF and DSis counts as one bubble???

My MIL is liable to cry if we say we can't see her this year.

And she hasn't even considered my family in all of this!

OP posts:
titchy · 26/11/2020 13:48

I'm assuming DH's dad is included because your dh wants to see him not because your mil does...?!

So, assuming your fil is ok to not see his gf for a few days, then he can bubble with dh's brother and sil - household 1. DH's sister bubbles with you - household 2. Mil and children bubble with mil's bf if he lives alone, or not at all if he doesn't - household 3.

Sertchgi123 · 26/11/2020 13:50

Protect your family and don't socialise at all. You know it makes sense.

canigooutyet · 26/11/2020 13:58

Just say Christmas you are staying at home as it's less complicated. During lockdown 2 decided yea sod it. Don't need to run ourselves into the ground over 2 weeks and then decide who the hell do we piss off by not visiting.

canigooutyet · 26/11/2020 14:05

Better still, if you can, go away somewhere sunny.
With all the time we've had to spend indoors, what better time to get some extra sun? You've rented a bedsit, not a chance it can be changed. And tell them you are going to some little remote place with no hotels.

Hoppinggreen · 26/11/2020 14:07

I would be ignoring the emotional blackmail and spending it just the 3 of you

UnbeatenMum · 26/11/2020 14:27

Potentially the Dad could be in a support bubble with you if he isn't in one with his girlfriend but presumably he is if he stays over there. Suggest that you either bubble with MIL or FIL or neither but not both. You could meet others outdoors for a Christmas walk in smaller groups. This is what I am having to do as my parents are divorced and have 4 adult children.

unmarkedbythat · 26/11/2020 14:31

I would develop a timely cough.

luckylavender · 26/11/2020 14:31

All this bloody drama. People moaning it's gone too far, MILs crying. I'm no fan of this government (understatement) but the reality is that there is no perfect solution. We're in the middle of a pandemic & people need to suck it up.

Original poster
CupofTeaforMePlease · 26/11/2020 14:33

So, assuming your fil is ok to not see his gf for a few days, then he can bubble with dh's brother and sil - household 1. DH's sister bubbles with you - household 2. Mil and children bubble with mil's bf if he lives alone, or not at all if he doesn't - household 3.

this all seems a bit far fetched to me! So many bubbles- it's just a way of breaking the rules surely! It can't be safe!

Besides, DH's Dad is definitely not going to forgo his gf for the whole of Christmas.

It's too complex. I'm voting staying at home. I'm now trying to communicate to MIL that her ideal Xmas isn't achievable.

OP posts:
Original poster
CupofTeaforMePlease · 26/11/2020 14:34

Yup I agree @luckylavender

OP posts:
Original poster
CupofTeaforMePlease · 26/11/2020 14:36

I thought bubbles were there for support, not convenience. Ie a single person bubbles with a family so that they are not alone. Not all this stuff about couples bubbling with other couples etc, and then all the bubbles joining up!! FFS!! It's a joke!

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 26/11/2020 14:40

Poor mil. Let her have a little cry if she needs it, then you decide to stay home.

I had an attack of the unreasonables last night re Christmas. Might decide to stay home.

BlackeyedSusan · 26/11/2020 14:42

Buy yeah she needs to come to terms with it after a little cry like lavender said

BarbaraofSeville · 26/11/2020 15:07

I'm now trying to communicate to MIL that her ideal Xmas isn't achievable

Just let her read the guidance on gov.uk and let her work it out for herself. It sounds like she has at least 4 DC, 3 of which are adults who have left home. She can't see you all over Christmas, it's against the law, there is no solution.

If she still has DC at home and has a boyfriend, its not like she's elderly and alone at Christmas. She'll just have to make do seeing you during a walk in the park like everyone else.

ifonly4 · 26/11/2020 15:11

Tell them you're having Xmas on your own to avoid the risk of spreading it to those you care about, and let them sort it out.

steppemum · 26/11/2020 15:13

couples can't bubble with other couples.

A single person can bubble with someone else, either single or family.

Unless there is childcare involved.

You can only bubble with one other, so you can't have 2 different singles bubbling with you.

Anyway, on the news it has said that Christmas is max 8 people in 3 households, which is really going to put the cat amongst the pigeons, as it means that 2 families with older kids can't get together, too many people.

You need to break it right down into smaller groups. Everyone gets to meet up with one other person in the family, then zoom each other after lunch

Original poster
CupofTeaforMePlease · 26/11/2020 15:37

Really @steppemum is that the case about groups of 8? I thought that was in Scotland but we are in England.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 26/11/2020 15:38

@unmarkedbythat

I would develop a timely cough.
Grin Grin Grin
steppemum · 26/11/2020 16:57

@CupofTeaforMePlease

Really *@steppemum* is that the case about groups of 8? I thought that was in Scotland but we are in England.
heard it on news about Christmas for England, but been working since, so haven't heard details, happy to be wrong
Original poster
CupofTeaforMePlease · 26/11/2020 17:01

I hope you're right @steppemum as it would make life easier. Seems sensible too as prevents people taking silly liberties with the rules.

OP posts:
GrumblyMumblyisnotJumbly · 26/11/2020 17:05

Just because the policy is up to 3 families doesn't mean you should do 3 families and the scenario you've described above sounds like a recipe for Covid soup! I would bow out of MILs Christmas gathering and invite your MiL to spend Easter with you instead.

lunar1 · 26/11/2020 17:06

We've decided not to see anyone this Christmas, there isn't anyone who will be left alone. We are having a zoom call with all the family in the afternoon.

It's shit, but it is what it is. They aren't relaxing the rules because science says it's ok, they are relaxing them because they know people will do it anyway.

Hopefully we will all be vaccinated before long.

mocktail · 26/11/2020 17:16

Your dad can't join a new support bubble just for Christmas so absolutely would count as one of the 3 households. Just skip it this year, or split into bubbles of two households - simpler and safer!

unicornparty · 26/11/2020 17:28

The 8 people limit is Scotland.

Sertchgi123 · 26/11/2020 17:30

@lunar1

We've decided not to see anyone this Christmas, there isn't anyone who will be left alone. We are having a zoom call with all the family in the afternoon.

It's shit, but it is what it is. They aren't relaxing the rules because science says it's ok, they are relaxing them because they know people will do it anyway.

Hopefully we will all be vaccinated before long.

^this
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