Will you see more than 2 households at Christmas?

[MummaBear4321]

My family live abroad, so we only have DHs parents and sister to see. We wont be seeing DHs GPs as to us that's too much of a risk. So we dont have any decisions to make about who to see and not see. However, DHs parents will most likely see us, their daughter, and their parents, so basically they will break the rules. I also imagine DHs sister will see her inlaws as well as her own parents and will justify it as 'how can we be expected to choose?'. I have seen lots of people on MN talking about choosing between one side of the family and the other, seeing one set of parents but not the other. Also, I see people struggling to get their head around the idea that if you see both set of parents, you are in a bubble, and none of you can see anyone else, despite both sets of parents not meeting each other.

So, my question is, will you be sticking to the 2 families, or just ignoring it and seeing who you want? Or will you just be staying at home and seeing nobody?

@tigerbear

Going to get flamed, but we’ll be having DP’s family over - 5 or 6 households in total 😬 DP’s mum and dad are late 80’s, his dad is nearly 90, and Christmas is his favourite time of the year (he starts planning for it in Feb, with hand drawn Christmas cards printed out by then, crackers and all presents bought by Sept, etc) There’s no way on earth they would ‘cancel’ Christmas, despite knowing the risks. In their eyes, they’d rather get the virus (knowing they’ve maybe only got a few years left anyway) than miss seeing their 3 children, grandchildren and great grandchild. To them, it’s worth the risk.

It's the risk to others outside your family too though, that's why we need to work together to follow the rules and stop spread not matter how tedious and endless it sometimes feels. If your partners parents get Covid and need hospitalisation as a result of mixing, that is taking resources away from someone else unconnected to you who may need treatment from, for example, an accident. Staff, resources and beds are finite. That is the reality.

*no matter

Well just be seeing my In-laws. My family are a long way away, and without us are a neat 3 households. My husband's sister is seeing her grown-up step children, and is fine about that. For us it works, as we are pretty small families.

I won't be seeing anyone, too much of a risk.

If your relatives break the rules they're putting you at risk as well as themselves. Selfish and not fair on tohers.

No I both my parents and in laws have other children they can spend Christmas day with- my DP will spend the day with my Dsis and in laws will spend the day with my DBIL (who has freely mixed with his friends throughout the whole thing) we are happy to stay at home this year it Will make a nice change to previous years when we've had to do the rounds of both sides of the family

I don't see the logic when we are so close to a vaccine by people risking their lives. PP talking about relatives in their 90s who won't cancel xmas and will see multiple households. It could kill them! They could wait a few weeks and have xmas in Feb/March when they're vaccinated.

Xmas is a make believe event , just pick a different date!

I don't know. We have 1-2 person family groups but several of them, so we're 11 people in total but 6 family groups. Hugely unfair that 3 x family groups of 6 can meet up but we can see 2 x divorced parents and 1 x elderly relative when she's the only person left on that side of the family. They seemed to be discussing 3 or 5 families. Five would have made choices so much easier. Why should the kids have to choose between seeing nana or grandad but not both? No, we won't be waiting for Easter to see people, we're not doing a full year of bloody misery (we live in an area that's had a long lockdown and we're we're pig sick now). The only definite plans are for one household to stay 2 nights at Xmas but in a local hotel as we don't have space. Anyone want to bet on whether the hotel will open for non-essential guests?

No. Dad is ECV as is mil. Not worth it if I risked paying to them.

If they weren't ECV then yes I would.

Hugely unfair that 3 x family groups of 6 can meet up but we can see 2 x divorced parents and 1 x elderly relative when she's the only person left on that side of the family.

It seems unfair, but it isn't about the numbers, it's about the risk. All the members of a single household share a very similar risk profile, but different households have very different risk profiles, so 2 households of 6 people is less risk than 6 households of 2.

@slidingdrawers and others: I agree, it could kill them, I’m not saying I’m comfortable with the whole idea, but if we aren’t the ones to host, they’ll just arrange for everyone to get together at another relative’s house.

For those saying to move Christmas to another date or all meet up on another date - true, but the 90 year old’s logic is that he might be dead by then anyway..

He’s also saying that we all met up as a massive group (in a packed restaurant) literally just before the first lockdown / there were about 20 of us, for a family party, plus meet ups when restrictions relaxed in the summer, so he doesn’t see what the difference is now, that the virus was still the same then/now...

I agree with you all that it’s risky, but I don’t know how to argue with a 90 year old, and don’t really want to tbh.

I'll be seeing my parents, we were in a childcare bubble but now can be 1 household bubble as we have a baby under 1.
Then both my siblings will be coming too. So 4 households but we all work from home and have kids under school age.
My mum was adamant all this was happening whether it was allowed or not and she's the only one who would really be deemed "at risk".
I probably won't even leave the house for over a week after Christmas day anyway as we tend to hibernate.

Nope.

There was absolutely no chance our family would bother to read the finer details or consider anything beyond ‘they’ve said Christmas gathering is fine now’ so we decided to nip it in the bud and say we will just be having Xmas ourselves this year.

There would have been too much ‘well it’s stupid to say three houses is fine but six is somehow dangerous’ and there would have been zero consideration given to the fact four households travelling from foreign countries back to the U.K.(absolutely no chance anyone would quarantine either) for the sake of a Christmas dinner because it’s ‘allowed’ now was stupidly pointless.

We will probably just see our parents so 2 house holds but not together and I imagine our parents will also see our siblings around Christmas too so the overall bubble would contain 5 not 3. Won’t be mixing with anyone else indoors though, couldn’t give a shit whether this is slightly outside the rules Directly seeing 2 households who have contact with one other each still feels sensible to me.

The plans we have had in place to see DH's family since before all this started happen to fit with the rules. We are dependent on hotels being open, though. The area we are going to may well be put into Tier 3 and while we are allowed to stay in hotels in Tier 3 just for the Christmas amnesty we have yet to see whether the hotel is actually prepared to open just for those days. I suspect not.

If we cannot undertake our plans then we will see my family instead, which will also fit in with the rules.

If we can undertake our plans we will be back in time to see my family for a day (which would break the rules). I do not think it is a good idea as my parents are elderly (though there's an outside chance they will have been vaccinated by then). My sibling and partner both have antibodies so they consider themselves to be just fine and no risk to anyone else. At this stage I am inclined to let my parents make the choice as to whether we see them outside of the rules as my mother is getting into a right state over lockdown and lack of family visits.

Nope. We don't have a big family anyway, and in order to mix with the other two households we plan to self isolate for two weeks prior to Christmas. None of what I'm planning is based on what Boris says either, it's all just based on what I feel is safe given the vulnerable members of the family.

Just from my own perspective, I wish they'd just banned household mixing. As it is, there's pressure and expectation from both sides of family that we will see them. And we can't see them all. Ugh. I've been trying to figure out what to do that will offend the smallest number of people.

I only have pressure from my parents who we fully expected to come to us as we were tier one and have seen them regularly for months.

Tbis has come as a total curve ball I expected tier one rules but now DH says he wants to see his parents so we can't see mine.

Bloody divisive rule.

@maureenfrombarnsley

Yes, bubble of 4 of us, which is my parents and siblings for Xmas day dinner. Will probably see MIL too. All of us are happy with this.

How many households is that - surely more than 3 (apologies if you all live in the same house).

@tigerbear

Going to get flamed, but we’ll be having DP’s family over - 5 or 6 households in total 😬 DP’s mum and dad are late 80’s, his dad is nearly 90, and Christmas is his favourite time of the year (he starts planning for it in Feb, with hand drawn Christmas cards printed out by then, crackers and all presents bought by Sept, etc) There’s no way on earth they would ‘cancel’ Christmas, despite knowing the risks. In their eyes, they’d rather get the virus (knowing they’ve maybe only got a few years left anyway) than miss seeing their 3 children, grandchildren and great grandchild. To them, it’s worth the risk.

What worth the risk of dying in January rather than having the possibility of a few more years of seeing children and grandchildren and great grandchildren on all the other days which aren’t Christmas? Bonkers.

Well this thread is depressing. Like many, many others, we will have difficult decisions about which family to see. But we will stick to the rules, probably by seeing no one because I suspect my sister and MIL will behave like selfish people and see who they want. Just because it's a difficult choice between people doesn't justify you not bothering to make those choices!!

I will be travelling to see my mum alone just before Christmas and then will be spending Christmas Day with my DP family. Altogether it would be 3 households together on Christmas Day, but 2 have been in a support bubble since the beginning and then my mum separately.

I’m at risk every day due to my job as I travel to a lot of different places and really see this as no different. I will however be staying indoors as much as possible for the rest of my time off, which is around 10 days as if I did pick something up, I wouldn’t want to pass it to anyone else and likewise anyone passing it to me when they inevitably lean over my in Tescos for a jar of jam 😑

My mother in law is extremely clinically vulnerable, the relaxed restrictions don’t change that so we are staying away. My mum lives 3 hours away and we never stay away from home Xmas day as we like to have it here just the 4 of us. So we aren’t seeing anyone. Depending on the tier we are in we may go for drinks with DS best friends mum and dad on Xmas eve but that would be it, they have no plans to see anyone else either so I think that’s within the rules.

No, I don’t think we’ll be seeing anyone. My family live 300 miles away so probably won’t be visiting like they usually would. The drive would just be horrific this year and they couldn’t stay long. Dh family are local but we’ve been treated as unclean lepers since March because we’re both teachers and have primary school age children. They probably won’t come within a mile of us because they all think we’ll infect them. So it’ll likely just be the 4 of this year.

Someone said to me yesterday so can they see 2 other households and then those other household see different households... NO!
Its annoying that people want to break the rules.
I have decided I am staying at home as a single parent with 3 DD's.
I also feel for the NHS staff that will be working while many of us are partying......

tigerbear your out of order