Is anyone else leading a nearly ' normal' life.

[Christmaspud20]

For me. Except the local theme park being closed again and things like soft play for the kids,
Nothing else is different for us.
Thankfully this time dh isn't furloughed or anything, so he's working 6 days.
We don't mooch round the shops in general. I rarely go to town as I find it stressful at the best of times.
I generally wait till I have a few things to go for and just do 1 morning and list the shops in order to get it done fast.
We don't go for meals or drinking. The last time was December for his works drinks
I shop 1 big one a week and maybe 2 small top ups, but often just 1 We just don't have the fridge space to just do the once.
I do use wilko etc for toiletries so still do that and it's walking distance
Kids are at school and pre school as normal.
My bubble is my DF who's a single parent to my dsis who is under 18, she comes round most days after college when dad's at work.
I Drive to school runs etc, so obviously traffic is near enough the same as that's the time everyone is so understandable.
I know I'm very lucky and dh could be furloughed at any point of there's not enough work for his place to keep them all on atm.
But for me the only different thing is the social interaction with others at groups etc. But I'm happy in a group chat online and be done with it.

Loads of others I know in my normal social circle is the same. Only my DM is saying how different it all is as she's furloughed.

I don't think it is patronizing to those of us that lead less sociable lives due to our jobs or financial restrictions.I feel more sorry for anyone who needs outside things to be happy.When I was younger I was more like this then I had to learn to appreciate smaller things that were inexpensive.I hope many people can learn to be happy with less.

i feel more sorry for anyone who needs outside things to be happy.

What like other people? It’s a well known human trait to want to be around others (not that it applies to all, but a significant proportion of the human race).

i feel more sorry for anyone who needs outside things to be happy.

I need contact with other people to be happy - I don’t think you need to feel sorry for me over this.

I don't feel sorry for adults who choose that life. But I do feel sorry for children whose lives are no different in lockdown. Because that means they don't usually get to see friends/family, they don't do sleepovers/playdates, they don't take part in any activities outside school. And that makes me sad.

And it's not about money. Sure, no money means your kid probably can't join the football club. But there are group activities, play dates etc that don't cost anything.

ifeel more sorry for anyone who needs outside things to be happy

It's not "things" - it's the human interaction. It's the happy buzz of chatter as a theatre audience goes for interval drinks and discusses the show so far. It's admiring a painting in a gallery and chatting to the stranger standing next to you about it. It's meeting up with an old friend to try that trendy new bar and reminiscing about your younger wild nights out together. It's discovering a business contact at a networking event shares your passion for a hobby and suddenly having a whole new conversation open up.

Sigh. I've depressed myself now. I miss people in their infinite, wonderful, life enhancing variety.

I miss people in their infinite, wonderful, life enhancing variety.

Me too

i feel more sorry for anyone who needs outside things to be happy

I really miss all the things we can't do but that doesn't mean I'm not happy at home with my family. It's just nice to have a variety of experiences.

@SpaceOP

I don't feel sorry for adults who choose that life. But I do feel sorry for children whose lives are no different in lockdown. Because that means they don't usually get to see friends/family, they don't do sleepovers/playdates, they don't take part in any activities outside school. And that makes me sad.

And it's not about money. Sure, no money means your kid probably can't join the football club. But there are group activities, play dates etc that don't cost anything.

I'd ask you not to feel sorry for but to think about the children who are used to never being invited to play dates, who cannot attend activities and whose whole lives are always lived this way - not through choice but by the choice of others. My daughter has complex SEN, it's why we moved to such a rural area as she couldn't cope with the big busy schools in the town she was born in. You are correct in that she never attends play dates or clubs or activities. Her life hasn't changed at all since lockdown. It's not her choice or our choice. It's the choice of others. She is never invited to play dates or parties. After school activities can't often be adapted for her and she gets incredibly upset when she can't follow the activity or keep up with the dance steps etc. Her whole life revolves around our home and the immediate family. We have chosen to enrich our lives as much as possible with lots of animals and our garden and veg patch and her beloved cats but I often wonder if she realises how much more her classmates see each other and do in terms of activities. She's never known any difference so I quietly hope it's her "normal". For us lockdown has helped to normalise her lifestyle and to make extended family realise just what she goes through every day.

I miss all of those casual, daily contacts. During the time we were allowed in the gym it was very noticeable how people who had previously ignored one another started talking. Everyone kept their distance and behaved entirely properly, but clearly wanted that connection with a familiar face (well, the top half of a familiar face).

I can do without most things now denied us with relative ease but not having gyms and restaurants is really, really tough for me. And the restaurants are a particular category - local, independently owned, been going for years, all the staff are friends. The places that I'm desperate to see survive for their sake as much as mine.

I guess we are all different. And that is OK.

Normal for us apart from the kids swimming and football. I like a quiet home life. We live in the countryside and I like to be out with my kids and dog. I don't do restaurants and days of shopping so this is fine to me. However I do appreciate other people will be missing theatres, pubs, holidays etc. Its all relative.

@ShadowsInTheDarkness I'd ask you not to feel sorry for but to think about the children who are used to never being invited to play dates, who cannot attend activities and whose whole lives are always lived this way - not through choice but by the choice of others. My daughter has complex SEN, it's why we moved to such a rural area as she couldn't cope with the big busy schools in the town she was born in.

I am sorry you have to go through this. My post was not about children who experience this because of specific issues. My post was about children whose parents don't like to socialise and therefore the children don't get to enjoy those things - many of whom have been referenced on this thread.

It's pretty clear from your post that if you could, you would give your child a different type of life and instead you are doing everything you can to give her what she needs.

Nothings changed.

Dh at work, dc at school, I’m at home, maybe walk with a school mum on the school run once a week and that’s allowed as exercise with one other person. Quick chat on the school run while waiting for the children. Big monthly shop plus weekly top ups. Order lots of other bits online. B&m/wilko all open for picking up random bits. Amazon still delivering. We had a holiday in august, went to an adventure world and a zoo back then which are not things we do monthly or anything anyway it was because we where away. Still growing and harvesting food.

In fact the only thing that really changed this year was the children being off March-September and wearing face masks. Might not be at the in-laws for Christmas but we don’t do that every year anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

These threads always seem to end up in an introverts vs extroverts discussion. However, it is also true that some people would love theatre visits, restaurants etc but simply can't afford it. My own life has been slightly ironic that way. When DC were young I didn't have much money so things like theme parks were birthday treats. I've never driven so no days out by car. Yes we went to the park etc, they had friends but a lot of things were financially out of reach. Now I can afford social things but have no desire to do them! But for those people financially struggling, which may have been compounded by CV, they aren't just missing these things for a few weeks or months. It's an ongoing way of life. So I think we should recognise that those of us that can afford those things, whether we choose to do them or not, are in a privileged position. Even if those things are closed for the time being.

@Orangeblossom7777

I guess we are all different. And that is OK.

Agree with this 100%

Before the pandemic I was the annoying person that would make an excuse to cancel going out with friends or even my sisters, not because I don’t like them, but because I would rather spend time in my home enjoying my family.
It’s sad, but just having a whole day lazy at home with my husband and kids is a treat for us. Realised how busy our lives were pre lockdown. Full time jobs, 3 kids at school and then after school clubs etc
When the first lockdown happened I actually appreciated the time I was spending with my family and it felt so good.

Normal enough in that I have had no disruption to my working life so still working throughout / being paid etc . Still walk dog so say hi to other dog walkers / humans etc . Have a DP at home . Now gym closed again continue to do online classes and zoom dance classes with Pineapple where there is virtual contact and communication . So overall don’t feel too deprived - do miss meeting up with friends and going out with DP but that will return in due course . DD enjoying being with young people at Uni although it’s a little different this year to last but hey she just sucks it up like the pragmatist she is ( chip off the old block ) .

@ImnotCarolineHirons

ifeel more sorry for anyone who needs outside things to be happy

It's not "things" - it's the human interaction. It's the happy buzz of chatter as a theatre audience goes for interval drinks and discusses the show so far. It's admiring a painting in a gallery and chatting to the stranger standing next to you about it. It's meeting up with an old friend to try that trendy new bar and reminiscing about your younger wild nights out together. It's discovering a business contact at a networking event shares your passion for a hobby and suddenly having a whole new conversation open up.

Sigh. I've depressed myself now. I miss people in their infinite, wonderful, life enhancing variety.

Indeed

- I'm sure it will all return and hopefully sooner than we think (fingers crossed for a successful vaccine)

I'm a self employed musician (Ha! Well I was, when that was a thing), so I've lost most of my work as well as my social life. This time around at least, I'm allowed to teach in one school under very strict conditions that make teaching an instrument pretty challenging, but I'm not allowed to go into the staff room or interact with anyone apart from my pupils. Pupil numbers are down anyway after the last lockdown, when about half were able to continue online.

I can't do any of the project work I used to do around the county, I can't put on the family concerts that I've been doing for the past 8 years, and I can't rehearse for or perform in all the things that make me feel like me. I feel pretty much worthless.

My husband however is fine. He still has a job, partly in the office, partly at work, and his main hobby is going for long bike rides well away from other people.

I'm very relieved that my child is back at school. As an only child, he didn't half miss his friends in the first lockdown! Now he just missed drama club, but as the government has made clear, performers need to forget everything they've been working for non stop since early childhood & get a proper job.

Anyway - must get on with the highlight of my week - the supermarket trip!

It's not about 'things' its about experiences. If you don't have different experiences, with different people, then your life is just one big amorphous blob of sameness. It's also not an introvert/extrovert thing. I am an introvert but I need stimulation and.novelty in my life. And also, most annoyingly, it is simply not a matter of money. People who love the arts choose to prioritise spare cash on the arts, this doesn't mean they are well-off, I am certainly not.

Yep, this lockdown doesn’t feel any different.
Last time DH was furloughed but not happening this time. School and nursery still open so childcare not changed. I’m a key worker so never stopped.
We don’t go out much so that’s no different. Got 1 meal out planned in December, hoping that goes ahead but not holding my breath.
I only really go to the supermarket which I can do. Not being able to go to other shops is a minor inconvenience.
Only difference is not seeing in laws. That’s fine by me!

@ImnotCarolineHirons you summed it all.up perfectly

And also, most annoyingly, it is simply not a matter of money. People who love the arts choose to prioritise spare cash on the arts, this doesn't mean they are well-off, I am certainly not.

fundamentally I agree with the rest of what you say, it is human interaction that I am missing most. But this sentence really pisses me off.

What shall I prioritise? The gas bill or the theatre trip?
The weekly food shop or the restaurant meal out?
The car getting fixed or the trip to see the latest exhibition?

Of course it is about bloody money.
Yes we can all prioritise to some degree. But these things cost. It isn't about being well-off. It is about having any spare cash left over once the bills are paid. For many of us, that is a very small amount, and doesn't allow for these activities on a weekly basis at all, even if we would like them.

In my case there will be a lot more spare cash once my three teens stop eating me out of house and home, so in 10 years, I will probably be able to do theatre trips etc. Assuming there are any theatres left by then.

@steppemum you're totally right and I expressed it badly, of course for many people these things are out of reach at the moment, they are not necessities. I am lucky it hasn't got that bad for us at the moment. The point I was trying to make was that they are really important to a lot of ordinary, working people, like me. They are not necessarily an extravagance or an indulgence or the preserve of the wealthy. It doesn't mean you have loads of spare cash if you regularly go to the theatre or live music or football, just that the activity has great value in your life so you spend leas on other things. It's also a myth that the theatre is really expensive, it often isnt, especially locally.

A lot of the things people are talking about are not a choice for everyone anyway, especially everything family-related. The pandemic and lockdowns have made me feel incredibly sad about everything I seem to have missed out on in life because I was unfortunately born into a very small family. I never had much of an extended family at all - only child, no cousins, only ever knew one grandparent and one aunt and two-three others (great aunts, so my parents' aunts). I have never experienced large family parties and gatherings and now in my 30s have just two living relatives left, both in their late 70s/mid-80s. There is no "old normal" to return to for me because it never existed... no family Zoom quizzes or WhatsApp groups, and definitely no support bubble.

Not normal for me, I'm about 75% poorer and 100% more bored .