Page 3 | Age 37 holding off ttc due to covid...anyone else?

Heyahun · 02/11/2020 20:59

Oh and my husband has been at all the scans and should be allowed at the birth now at the midwife led unit

Goawaybird · 02/11/2020 21:08

FTM I think - and I include myself in this - people have children to satisfy their own need. I didn’t have mine for their sake. I had them because I wanted them. Now they are here I look after them and want them to be happy and well but they are here because I wanted them and ultimately life contains a whole load of crap stuff too. More crap stuff than good stuff for a lot of people.
Sorry - I know this isn’t a thread about the ethics of having of children but my personal opinion is that right now is not a great time.
I’m an only child and I loved it. My ds hates having a sibling.

Floatyboat · 02/11/2020 21:37

Seems silly to wait because of covid. Covid may drag on. The harm of covid to a pregnant 37 year old is very low. Pregnancy gets likely and more risky the older you are.

Heyahun · 02/11/2020 21:51

Totally with you @Goawaybird

That’s how i feel too! I’m worried about things like climate change/ Covid etc - but I really want a child and so does my husband- even if that’s selfish of me! When our baby is here we will look after it and ensure he or she has the best life possible - that’s all we can do! And I’m not gonna let a virus or anything else stop me from living my life and having my much wanted baby

FTMF30 · 02/11/2020 21:58

@Goawaybird I see where you're coming from to an extent. But I think it really depends. Life can be a great gift to some while others may wish they'd never been born. You can't guarantee what people will become or how they will feel.

I feel we are in bleak times at the moment but I am ultimately happy to be alive. My family and interests bring me joy. I hope my DS grows up happy to believe rather than resentful of me having him in the first place.

damselindedress · 02/11/2020 23:01

I totally understand this given your past experience but everyone I've spoken to who's given birth during the pandemic has said the hospitals handled it really well.
To me the biggest consideration is not the medical side, it's the financial side, if that's stable id say or go for it.

I'm a similar age to you but we've been hit pretty hard financially by Covid (hard hit sector) so any plans for another child are on hold until we're financially stable. It's really sad as we'd worked so hard to build our lives and been really sensible and then it got snatched away.

onedayinthefuture · 02/11/2020 23:14

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IsurvivedbutdidI · 02/11/2020 23:16

Don't delay. I apparently have lots of eggs and regular cycle etc etc but after 4 years nothing has happened. I was your age when starting to try for second. Get going!

BexR · 02/11/2020 23:33

I wouldn't delay. Took me 2 years to conceive at that age.

hopsalong · 02/11/2020 23:46

I'm slightly surprised by how many people are telling you to get on with it! You don't give that much information, but if your eldest is seven it sounds as if you might already, for non covid reasons, have been doubtful about a second?

I am an only child and as a little girl had a couple of only children friends who got brothers or sisters when I was six or seven. They always seemed to remain horrified by the idea. Might your doubts perhaps go deeper than the current pandemic? How would your older one feel?

If you're happy as you are, I see no reason to have another child just because of a panicked 'last chance' feeling. Fwiw, I got pregnant with my second at 37, and had him at 38, and the conception was very easy. People are telling you that merely ovulating every month isn't enough, and that's true, but if everything seems normal it probably is. I'm 41 now and my periods are closer together and heavier. I don't want another child but I can feel in my bones that it would be difficult now, if not impossible; for me that was very much a post-40 shift. I seemed to go overnight (skin too) from looking and feeling in my early 30s to being full-on middle aged at 40.

ArcheryAnnie · 03/11/2020 00:53

@onedayinthefuture I am finding it increasingly tedious when posters dismiss other people's different outlooks on life by making out they have some kind of mental health problem. It isn't clever, and it isn't funny. Knock it off.

Inkpaperstars · 03/11/2020 01:16

Do you definitely want a second child OP? If so, I would not wait. You might regret it, and regular ovulation is not in itself any reassurance at all I am afraid. If you are still keen to delay, and yet definitely want a second, you could go for a consult with a fertility specialist who can do blood tests and scans to give more of an indication of where you are. If time is pressing, you could do IVF in the hope of getting embryos to freeze and transfer once the current crisis is passed or the future clearer. Obviously no guarantee they would take. You might only get embryos not suitable for freezing so should think about if you would do a fresh transfer in that case.

Don't get me wrong, I think you would quite likely be fine delaying a bit, but it is a risky strategy and we don't even know how long you would be looking at delaying for.

powershowerforanhour · 03/11/2020 02:22

I'd hold off for zika virus but not corona.

notcreativeforacoolname · 03/11/2020 02:41

I gave birth recently just before turning 39 so don't worry about ages, there's still time! I also gave birth at the peak of the first wave and its crap! Better to wait. My DH was not allowed to be at the birth and was only allowed in an hour before the baby came then not at all afterwards. He didn't see the birth of his baby as he wasn't allowed in and he's still very upset about that. I know it's not as bad as that now but I'd rather wait. I was in hospital quite a few days after and it was quite lonely. I hope that helps.

onedayinthefuture · 03/11/2020 10:18

@ArcheryAnnie saying you regret your own kids is fucking horrible. No excuses for that.

ArcheryAnnie · 03/11/2020 17:15

@onedayinthefuture depends, though. If you love your kids and worry (on what most people paying attention see as reasonable evidence) that you have brought them into a world where their quality of life can only go down from here, because of climate change, political instability, the economy, pandemics, etc, then yes, it's reasonable to regret bringing them into the world - not because you don't love them madly, but because you do.

My DS is the light of my life, the centre of the universe, and for my own sake I can't regret him at all. But I look at the world he will have to deal with when I am gone, and I do wonder how very, very selfish I've been, bringing him into the world. Having children is, of course, already a very selfish act (and that's normally OK) - we have children for our own reasons, not theirs - but we really are in an era where we do have to consider their future and not just our own present family life, however joyful and loving that family life is.

Merrythought · 04/11/2020 08:21

@ArcheryAnnie I completely agree and I feel the same.

ButNotYet · 04/11/2020 08:38

@universal83

I am 37 with a 7 year old so not getting any younger but decided to hold off trying till next year. I ovulate very regularly and so not too worried about my age. I just had high bp and mild pre eclampsia last time so was always in the hospital and idea of doing all that possibly again in such horrid times just seems scary and heaven forbid I miscarry or have an ectopic.

Anyone else holding off?

I will be 38 soon and we are holding off too, until we can buy a house, which unfortunately looks like it’s going to take longer than we’d hoped given that 5% and 10% deposit mortgages have been removed from the market! Sadly nothing we can do about it though. As soon as I’m pregnant or have a little one my mortgage affordability goes right down, and DH’s credit history is shot so the mortgage is probably going to have to be just in my name. Therefore we just can’t take the risk of having a baby until our own house is secured. Ultimately I think stability for our future is more important than having a baby so have accepted this means a baby might not happen.

weepingwillow22 · 04/11/2020 08:44

If I wanted another child I would consider trying to time things to give birth in the late spring/summer months when there is less pressure on the health service. I can see covid being an issue to some extent at least for a few years and if you want another at your age you can't really afford to wait that long.

damselindedress · 04/11/2020 10:35

@ArcheryAnnie I also totally see where you are coming from on this.

Ilikeviognier · 08/11/2020 12:34

I wouldn’t wait at 37. Ovulating regularly is no guarantee of anything.

There is also no way of testing the quality of your eggs- such a test does not exist. The best indicator of egg quality is age.

I totally get your dilemma though- but I guess you need to ask yourself how you would feel if you wait and then it doesn’t happen. You also have no idea how long it will take (anecdotes from other people don’t help as everyone is different).

Caspianberg · 08/11/2020 12:49

I had my first baby in May. So was already 7 months pregnant when the whole Lockdown started.

It was fine. Dh couldn’t attend final scans, but was given a video of scan afterwards.

For actual birth Dh was allowed in from the start, and left around 5 hours after baby was born (5pm), we left a day later so only one day in hospital alone. But FaceTimed lots. Hospital was all private rooms only to reduce any contact with others. Care by doctors and nurses was good.

Since then, Baby ds has had all his check ups and vaccines as usual. Only difference is only Dh or I can go in with him, not both.

I’m not planning another baby soon ( or at all), but that’s nothing to do with Covid, I’m just not sure we want more than 1 and if we do would probably want at least 3-4 year gap. If it’s still around in 3 years and we want another, I would go ahead.