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Original poster

Age 37 holding off ttc due to covid...anyone else?

72 replies

universal83 · 01/11/2020 12:51

I am 37 with a 7 year old so not getting any younger but decided to hold off trying till next year. I ovulate very regularly and so not too worried about my age. I just had high bp and mild pre eclampsia last time so was always in the hospital and idea of doing all that possibly again in such horrid times just seems scary and heaven forbid I miscarry or have an ectopic.

Anyone else holding off?

OP posts:
Rabbitholebonkers · 02/11/2020 18:01

100 percent wouldn’t delay it at 37. Just get cracking. It’s not sensible it’s just dithering when you haven’t got time on your side. It doesn’t matter if you ovulate every month, it’s the quality of the eggs that is important.

Jrobhatch29 · 02/11/2020 18:02

I had my 3rd baby in May, so obvs conceived before covid. I was of course really worried but actually my experience in the hospital giving birth was fantastic. It was my favourite birth out of the 3. So much more care and attention! A friend of mine is due next week. She's 41. She miscarried just before Xmas and fell pregnant again just as covid was kicking off. She said she wouldn't have let covid stop her trying but it's a very personal decision

Lesserspottedmama · 02/11/2020 18:07

I had a baby in June. Wasn’t great that DH couldn’t attend anything except the actual birth itself and couldn’t be with me afterwards. But apart from that it was fine. Why do the people who are waiting feel the need to? Not judging at all, just interested. And what will signal the end of your waiting? Life may not be ‘normal’ again for another year or so.

WankPuffins · 02/11/2020 18:12

This could go on for years and he nhs could get worse and worse.I wouldn’t wait.

I had a baby in August. Maternity/postnatal was just as crap as with my other two but that was normal, it was no better and no worse than with my other two.

The hospital was actually better with no visitors though.

RoseGoldEagle · 02/11/2020 18:21

I am 38 and just had my third baby a few weeks ago. Yes I’d have preferred my husband to have attended scans with me, and some appointments were over the phone, but the birth itself was fine and I felt the standard of care in general was still good. (I was admittedly low risk so didn’t need much in the way of extra appointments etc, and I would have found it harder if it had been my first baby). This could all go on for a while, you could take a while to get pregnant, I would go for it.

RoseGoldEagle · 02/11/2020 18:23

Also, I gave birth in a midwife led unit and DH was allowed in the whole time, including afterwards. I know it might not be an option or preference for you but just thought I’d mention it.

aToadOnTheWhole · 02/11/2020 18:42

I thought about delaying ttc, but with PCOS and no ovulating we decided not to wait. It was a punt that I'd even get pregnant so I'm happy that we did.

I'm 20 weeks now and have been seen face to face for every appointment apart from a consultant phone appointment (which was fine, actually much easier) and have had my c-section date booked for 5 weeks already.

All appointments have been on my own and I'm not particularly fussed if my DH can't attend the birth. He wouldn't have been there after visiting hours in the hospital anyway. I appreciate I'm in the minority with not being bothered if partners attend scans/appointments/birth though. This is GM so either lockdown, extra restrictions or tier 3 pretty much from March.

It's obviously an incredibly personal decision.

TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair · 02/11/2020 18:49

I absolutely wouldn't wait unless you can cope with the very real possibility of never having a second. For all the reasons others have said. A friend of mine gave birth in June and had excellent care. She was nervous but it was all ok.

MarshaBradyo · 02/11/2020 18:51

I wouldn’t delay at 37

I had two mc around that age which can add up the years

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/11/2020 18:51

@Lesserspottedmama

I had a baby in June. Wasn’t great that DH couldn’t attend anything except the actual birth itself and couldn’t be with me afterwards. But apart from that it was fine. Why do the people who are waiting feel the need to? Not judging at all, just interested. And what will signal the end of your waiting? Life may not be ‘normal’ again for another year or so.
Lots of reasons. Not wanting to put pressure on the NHS, not wanting to do things alone without a partner, not wanting to catch covid whilst pregnant or a new mum, wanting others to be able to spend time with baby etc.
Thehollyandtheirony · 02/11/2020 18:53

Back in March when we didn’t know how this would play out, I thought delaying ttc was sensible. Now that we know that we basically have to live with COVID for the next few years, I wouldn’t wait, especially at your age.
I have a few friends who have given birth recently and they’ve all had excellent pre and post natal care.

gypsywater · 02/11/2020 19:03

I wouldnt wait. It could take ages to conceive anyway.

ChalkDinosaur · 02/11/2020 19:13

Which likely worst case scenario are you more comfortable with? Having a baby but having to spend a lot of time alone in hospital, or it taking a long time to conceive your second child?

There's no right answer, it depends on what you're comfortable with. We decided to go for it, but I'm low risk and my career is on pause from DD so for us the pandemic wasn't the most off-putting thing (due in spring). But obviously you know what you're comfortable with, waiting could also be a good decision. Sorry that's not very helpful!

Goawaybird · 02/11/2020 19:18

I’d think carefully about bringing another child into this entire mess full stop.
I have two but and I’m 38 now but even if I didn’t have any there’s no way I’d even consider it. Tbh I wish I hadn’t had the two I’ve got given the way their future is going to look with covid and brexit. It’s bleak and hopeless. What sort of childhood will they have? It’s going to be miserable for a really long time and then chuck brexit in too - our previous standard of living is gone. It’s downhill from here on in.

herecomesthsun · 02/11/2020 19:32

I had my kids aged 43 and 47. They are the light of my life and as long as we are all together I don't much care about being locked down, or anything else (mind you, although our income is approx halved we are still solvent).

It does concern me that they will have challenges with the economy and the climate etc. But I'd much rather they existed than not! and if I could I would have had them earlier (I didn't meet their dad till I was 40)

onedayinthefuture · 02/11/2020 20:04

@Goawaybird

I’d think carefully about bringing another child into this entire mess full stop. I have two but and I’m 38 now but even if I didn’t have any there’s no way I’d even consider it. Tbh I wish I hadn’t had the two I’ve got given the way their future is going to look with covid and brexit. It’s bleak and hopeless. What sort of childhood will they have? It’s going to be miserable for a really long time and then chuck brexit in too - our previous standard of living is gone. It’s downhill from here on in.
You're a barrel of laughs aren't you!
Sb2012 · 02/11/2020 20:18

I’m older than you and had baby in June. I am also high risk (previous still births) I had to have weekly scan from 20 weeks and also this was my third c section.
I had to attend all appointments alone but the staff there are lovely. DH was allowed to stay for c section and then for a few hours after. Overall, considering my risks, they kept a very close eye on me and were fab.
I’m done having babies (I think!) but if I was in your situation I would also be reluctant, however after my experience and knowing what I know of the maternity services in my tier 3 area I would not hesitate at all now.
Good luck Flowers

Rabbitholebonkers · 02/11/2020 20:18

@Goawaybird

I agree.
I’d never consider another on that basis alone.
It’s a sick society out there currently!...
Crime, grime, inequality, capitalism and on and on and on.

Goawaybird · 02/11/2020 20:22

Realistic oneday
Having children is the most selfish thing a person can do and that is especially true in today’s climate.
If I could go back and not have mine I would.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/11/2020 20:25

I think delaying is really sensible. It's not just about the pregnancy, it's also about the birth, and the first few months.

I have two close relatives who have given birth during lockdown, and it's been miserable for both of them. With one of them she gave birth alone without her husband, who wasn't allowed in. And now they are both home, they are without the usual endless stream of family and friends looking in on them, doing their washing-up, etc, and giving them a bit of adult company. It's been really hard on them.

gypsywater · 02/11/2020 20:26

I dont think crime and grime and inequality are anything new?!

FTMF30 · 02/11/2020 20:29

@Goawaybird Adide from the "especially in today's society" part, why do you think it's the most selfish person a thing can do? Do you mean, lack of thought to society or do you mean to the child/children you have?

If towards the child/children, why do you think it's selfish?

ChalkDinosaur · 02/11/2020 20:47

@Goawaybird

Realistic oneday Having children is the most selfish thing a person can do and that is especially true in today’s climate. If I could go back and not have mine I would.
OP was asking about the timing of ttc, not about the ethics of having another child at all.
ArcheryAnnie · 02/11/2020 20:48

I do think Gowaybird has a point. We are in a pandemic, and about to enter a period of intense political and financial instability. Prices are going to go up massively, and there will at the same time be a massive economic downturn with a lot of job losses. This is not a great time to be making additions to any family. I think focusing on looking after the child you have is a good plan. It's not a bad thing to be an only child.

Heyahun · 02/11/2020 20:49

We didn’t hold off on our plans - in fact moved them forward because of Covid - all our plans for the year got cancelled (big holiday/ festivals etc) we were gonna wait til next year - but thought fuck it lets go for it -

I’m not 24 weeks - and have to say it’s been a great time to be pregnant for me - we are both working at home - it’s so relaxing - no commute - we are missing nothing - hospital appointments have all been fine to be honest!