Should I pull DD out? She's really struggling.

[Beebityboo]

Anyone who recognises my username will know how much I've struggled with the decision to send my DC's back to school, particularly my sen, secondary aged (year 8) DD.
She was barely in last term as her anxiety is out of control (she hates school generally anyway but it has gotten much worse) She has to get a packed 45 minute bus ride each way in a mask and she finds it unbearable. She then has to wear a mask at lunch and in the corridors. She has just finished two weeks self isolation which she barely coped with because she was terrified she was going to get ill. She has started hair pulling which she hasn't done in over a year .
I'm disabled and she is terrified about getting me sick so won't consider an exempt lanyard or anything.
I am strongly considering removing her from school to home educate but I have some worries.
We could get Covid from my two youngest at primary, so removing her to prevent illness would feel like it was for nothing. Her school is supportive and heavily over subscribed.
I'm worried the council would force us to send her back in to a school and the nearest school she already left once due to severe bullying.
I'm worried her education will suffer permanent damage and secondaries may move online at some point?
I just don't know what to do. She is begging me not to send her back, says the atmosphere is frightening and awful, feels suffocated and scared.
Please give me some advice, the school won't let me keep her off anymore.

It would be a no brainer for me. Home school her, so many resources available and so many community activities out there. These are weird times and institutions are not for everyone. Wishing you the best of everything

I'm a secondary teacher so obviously a big supporter of 'school' but I agree with pp that in your daughter's situation home school might be a better option.

Personally I'd take her out for what it's worth. Mental health over everything, if she doesn't have that she has nothing

in the online school they make friends. Your LEA shouldnt give you any grief with that.
I do recommend doing other home ed activities too though so she doesnt become more introverted. These can be low key

If you feel that you have the resources and she has the self-motivation to complete her secondary education from home, then it may be the best option. In your specific circumstances, it doesn't sound like she can opt out of the school and then opt back in again, so and arrangements have to be viable long term. Ultimately, life is too short to be miserable, except where absolutely necessary.

I can tell you that anxiety blocks your ability to learn as your body is in flight or fight mode.

Absolutely this. Your dd may do better academically, being home schooled.

I left a post on the home ed board also.
Really I need to decide today before she's due back tomorrow (she is dreading it hugely). A part of me thinks I should send her just until Christmas and see how she feels then but realistically the situation in schools isn't going to get better any time soon . I can't even take solace in her being with friends as she hasn't made a single one since she started . Feel like I'm failing her and don't know what to do. So so upset.

After a huge, sobbing meltdown from DD a few hours ago in which she admitted she just is not coping with going to school right now and cannot learn anything because she is scared all of the time, we have made the decision to deregister. We've been agonising about it since September and tried so hard and I am just so sad for her. Before this she had already moved school after terrible bullying and all the progress she had made has been undone because of this horrible virus.
I am so sad tonight. I desperately hope I haven't failed her.

Oh bless her OP. How can you possibly be failing her when you just want her well, happy and achieving the best she is capable of.
(Ex secondary teacher!)
If school was damaging her physical health you wouldn’t feel bad about taking her out. MH is no less important.

OP you sound like such a lovely mum who is really trying to do the best for their DD

Your DD must fee so relieved, I know this is really only the start of the process and that there are some big steps ahead but I hope you all sleep easier tonight, see it as a weight being lifted, you’ve made a decision!

Now you can focus on all the exciting things that your DD can learn and explore from hope

I've been on several of your threads.

But I'll say it again

YES. Keep her at home. She was happy & learning. She's vulnerable and scared. Understandable.

Keeping sending her is going to ruin her mental health.

You have made the right decision, the only decision. You have NOT failed her.

It's goid she made progress when she moved schools, it may seem like that's all been undone, but it hasn't. That confidence & knowledge will always be there, she'll always have that success under her belt!

You're a great mum, don't doubt yourself so much 🌷

Thank you all for being so kind. I'm on such a bad place at the moment and it means the world to me.
And sorry about all the threads .

School isnt for everyone and it sounds like covid isnt the main issue here its just exasperated it. If you do deregister I don't think the council or anyone who could force you to send her to any school, its only if you want to keep the school place and not attend they may issue fines etc.
If you are able to confidently home school her then do it, you may not need to send her back to school for y10, some colleges have 14+ schemes where they do the core GCSEs alongside vocational courses she may find that environment better suits.

You sound like a fantastic mum. You can get through this together

I think you should withdraw her and at the same time ask for an EHC needs assessment. That will serve two purposes it will determine your dd's needs and also if granted an EHCP you would be able to source a school that meets her needs or if the current school can accommodate them would give you priority should you choose for her to return to school. Alternatively you could choose EOTAS and have an education funded by the LA at home.
FWIW dd couldn't cope with mainstream secondary despite having 1 to 1 support. She now happily attends an independent specialist school with fewer than thirty pupils funded by the LA.