Will your partner help if you are ill?

[randomer]

I don't think mine would exactly come into his own tbh.

@randomer

Some very smug people here. Just for your information, I am not with a complete waste of space. The support I had when I had PND was amazing.

I don't feel care ie plumping up pillows, cooking small portions of tempting food, anticipating needs, keeping calm are necessary his strengths.

I don't know what kind of responses you wanted op.

People who say their partner does/would sit at the bottom of their bed anticipating their every need are either in denial or honest. If they're honest it isn't smug to say so.

Tbf u said help. I wouldn't consider fluffing up my pillows and designing a new menu are necessarily "help" or needed.

I'm assuming you don't have children so good sister time after work would be alone if you were on bed, in which case of expect company for part of the night. I'd appreciate snacks and drinks easily accessible if he woh or made if he WFH. And him to ask if thee was anything else I needed but it wouldn't be an expectation of culinary delights and him begging to rub my feet.

However we have a 5 yo needing taking to and from school and 10 month twins. He would keep them alive and fed, the house tidy and he'd make sure I got liquids, solids and rest

Yes he would and has done as I am partially disabled so we moved to this house 11 years ago so on the days when I am bed bound (about 3-4 times a year) and completely useless he could work from home in the spare room allowing him to do the school runs.

Every time I feel a bit under the weather he steps up, as do my teenage sons when their Dad is out at work and it is school holidays.

I actually think pillow fluffing and making sure you are comfortable is important. Plus he shops, cooks, cleans. All good qualities to have.

Of course. Mind you, I get waited on even when I'm well. Why settle for less?

'help'? Thankfully my standards are higher than this

here are a couple of responses verging on smug. These behaviours are not a binary choice, some people have certain things they are good at, and things they struggle with.

I suppose as a 60 plus, I am slightly fearful of the winter and what it might bring.

My DW is my carer too, so I bloody hope so

My ex in comparison, left a puddle of blood for me to clean up when I returned from hospital (ruptured stitches due to infection, and then severe anaemia from blood loss).

@randomer

Of course. Mind you, I get waited on even when I'm well. Why settle for less?

'help'? Thankfully my standards are higher than this

here are a couple of responses verging on smug. These behaviours are not a binary choice, some people have certain things they are good at, and things they struggle with.

I suppose as a 60 plus, I am slightly fearful of the winter and what it might bring.

The waited on one I'll give you, it made me cringe reading it. Not sure why anyone expects to be waited on by their PARTNER .

But the help comment I agree with if we're talking keeping the kids alive, house clean etc. It's the inference that it's your job bit of your I'll the of course he's lend you a hand doing your jobs until you're better.

Like yours, DH wouldn't be any good at the pillow fluffing, and we'd love on a mix of freezer food, take out and what his Mom cooks. But the house would be tidy, the washing done, the kids looked after

Yes he would. He would look after our children, make sure they are fed and looked after, make sure the house is in order and tend to my needs too.
He’s my husband not a tenant. Regardless of the pandemic we look after each other and our children together. If he didn’t do it willingly or acted like it wasn’t part of his responsibilities as a father and husband he would be soon be my ex husband 🤣🤣

Also he is a rubbish cook but knows how to order our favourite foods in, but if this isn’t possible I guess we can tolerate his cooking if I’m ill.
He’s better at doing the main chores around the house than me, but my OCD struggles with this. He’s definitely better at doing the main grocery shops than me I have very little patience when it comes to supermarkets and taking my kids along. Probably does a better job looking after our kids than me too.

Maybe I need to have a long hard think
about what I’m actually good at 🤣

Yes my husband has always been helpful. Even though he works full time and I dont work now. If I'm poorly because of my ongoing condition or have the flu etc etc he doesn't even bat an eyelid making the dinner, cleaning etc. Hes a good egg xxx

helpful, thats a nice word.

Undoubtedly.

Mine would suddenly become sicker than me and take to his bed for a month.

Of course, he also drive me across the country when I needed to get to dd and I didn't have a car, though I picked up his dd from university for him as he was working. Called partnership for a reason

Yes. Every 2 years I get a bad vertigo He'll have to help me to the loo.
He wouldn't be as top as things as me but he'd definitely take over easy enough.
Mind you he'd be praising himself throughout.

Of course! Why would anyone be with someone who wouldn't?!

Yes. In fact, I'm ill today and DH has rearranged meetings to be able to do the school run. We are a team and look after each other!

I’m single so it does worry me slightly, not worried about me but worried about my dc’s. When I’m ill I just cope with it but if I had to go to hospital who would look after the DD’s because obviously they would probably have it too so people wouldn’t be queueing to help.

Yes, he would.

And yes, I feel smug about it, as I've never met anybody else who gave that much of a shit about me. My ex would laugh and say it's not one of his strengths, when he actually meant he would walk out when I was undergoing investigations for an autoimmune disease because his Mum had made a joke about moving into a bungalow. And claim it was alternately

Made up for attention
Munchausens
A scam for benefits
Mental illness
Real but caused by the power of my own mind because I wanted it
Abuse of him
Evidence for why he was right that a 30 year old is an old woman and 16 year olds were the ideal age for a man in his 30s to be chatting up

Absolutely he would, but there would be a lot of take aways, he's very limited on what he can cook.

My ex - no. I went to bed ill one Christmas Day and couldn't get out of bed till the 27th. He didn't check on me. The kids trashed the house and ate crap while he drank. A couple of the kids were ill too and he didn't bother with them. One slept on the sofa for a day and night and he gave not one shit. Alcohol was (is) more important.

My current bf, I've been seeing him for 8 months. Obviously we don't live together and spent a lot of time apart during lockdown. But when I had to isolate with my kids as I had symptoms (in April, so before testing was available) he did my shopping for me and dropped it off at my front door.

I find it hard to ask for help (probably because there was no point with my ex) so it was lovely to have someone actually help me out when I needed it.

I said helpful but he's more than that. He goes above and beyond. We are a team and pull together in a crisis. I have a long term condition and he never complains . Not that he should be I read about so many that do. Today I've started a roast dinner. He may finish it off for me when he gets home if I'm feeling sick again. Love him to bits x

@Lovemusic33 the NHS has provision for ?COVID infected children whose parents are too ill to care for them. A poster on here in April and her dh both had to be admitted for treatment and their children were cared for in a children's ward (even though barely ill themselves) until their parents were back home.

I got ill just after the beginning of lockdown in march, my husband was working from home and looking after our two boys (6&4) as well as the house and cooking meals and looking after me. I did the same when he had shingles. It's what partners do