What a shit time to be alive

[Mylittlesandwich]

I know we're all supposed to be keeping upbeat and accepting the new normal but it's bollocks.

Obviously we're all being screwed in different and inventive ways, personally I had DS in November by the time I'd fought through my PND cloud and felt up to facing people we were in lockdown.
We had planned our budget for mat leave perfectly. Then DH was furloughed.
We had scraped through lockdown and he was back at work when the Scottish circuit breaker popped up and he was let go.
We are so skint it's unreal. I'm working from what should have been a nursery as many hours as I can get my hands on to try and keep us afloat and I can't even spend a couple of hours at my mums to re-charge.
Feel free to add the ways covid has screwed you over.

I really hate it when people try and make comparisons to the world wars. It's always in the context of trying to "prove" that we now lack resilience. It feels really exploitative and grubby somehow, to use it to make a cheap little point on the internet.

I grew up obsessed by WW2 aircraft, so I've read a lot of first hand accounts by pilots. Do you know what's basically a constant in those accounts? Social activity. Dancing, and movies, and drinking together, and playing stupid drunk practical jokes on each other. Because the human spirit can face almost anything, but humans by themselves, isolated in their lovely safe houses, can't. (And that's without the threat of losing that house.) There's a reason solitary confinement is torture.

@MaxNormal

I really hate it when people try and make comparisons to the world wars. It's always in the context of trying to "prove" that we now lack resilience. It feels really exploitative and grubby somehow, to use it to make a cheap little point on the internet.

Yep.

Plus, there's this really idealised image of the WWll generation. I'm sure lots of them whined and moaned about it. They weren't all stalwart, stoic, 'keep calm and carry on' sorts. I'll bet they weren't so different from people nowadays really.

Not to mention that there are always people in worse situations. We don't tell people who have to work on crap zero hour contracts that they shouldn't grumble because at least they're not in some sweatshop in China. It's a really shit and totally unhelpful attitude and I doubt the people who preach it apply it to themselves and their own - no doubt often quite trivial in the grand scheme of things - problems. Many of them are quite enjoying lockdown, but would never admit it, so they prefer to preach to others about how wonderfully stoic their gran was during the war.

It's unfair the way some people have sailed through it in cushy civil servant type jobs. Even saving money. And other people have lost their jobs. It's wrong. It's not affected me but I still feel annoyed about the mess and destruction of the economy and total ruination of businesses. And bumbling Boris appearing only makes it all worse.

Why, when someone posts a thread like this in genuine distress, does some twat always pop up to say ‘well, the war was worse’? How does it help? What are you trying to achieve?

@110APiccadilly

I grew up obsessed by WW2 aircraft, so I've read a lot of first hand accounts by pilots. Do you know what's basically a constant in those accounts? Social activity. Dancing, and movies, and drinking together, and playing stupid drunk practical jokes on each other. Because the human spirit can face almost anything, but humans by themselves, isolated in their lovely safe houses, can't. (And that's without the threat of losing that house.) There's a reason solitary confinement is torture.

This.

DM grew up in WW2, was bombed out twice, father missing presumed dead for 6 months, devestating head injuries that eventually killed him by suicide 20 years later with much more family trauma in those years.
But the generations of the family pulled together. When she was on the brink of life or death with pneumonia and no healthcare, her grandfather prayed all night at her bedside on a vigil until she passed the worst of it. She had grandparents and aunts, and freedom to roam and see friends.
Life must have been incredibly hard but the hazards were tangible and people had purpose and community.

Now we're expected to be lonely and make do with fucking Zoom and autumn walks as though that blithely solves all problems.

PPs have mentioned very real problems, pretty much the top 10 of life's stresses. Those stresses are real and deserve to be acknowledged.

for anyone who needs them for whatever reason.

I don't think you can judge that though. Everything is relative. You are looking at 80 years ago through your modern lens. You can't compare.

I disagree - I know for certain that I’d rather be in the shitty situation I/we are in now than living through the Blitz with my other half fighting in a war. Bombs dropping from the sky (I’m in London) must’ve been fucking terrifying.

It's shit. I hate it. And I agree comparison to the UK's war experience are illogical.

But watching the news about today's life in Afghanistan or Syria does make me feel ashamed about finding this hard.

Think of all the swear words you have ever heard and that is my opinion.

Agree with the OP though, it’s a thoroughly shit time.

I had really severe PND after my DD was born 4 years ago. The things that literally kept me alive were going to targeted mother-baby groups, mum’s well-being cafes etc. It felt like the worst time possible. I can’t begin to imagine how shit and isolating it would be to have severe PND, anxiety, OCD etc when those services aren’t running.

All these people who are saying that life was easier during a WW because you could still socialise are conveniently forgetting most of the men were being sent away to fight, and their families lived in fear of them never coming back home, or coming back seriously wounded, physically or mentally, or both. Some women didn't see their husbands for years, children were born (and presumably sometimes died) while their fathers were away. I'm not trivialising the current situation, but there are worse things in history.

Life’s not easy OP. If this is your greatest battle then you should consider yourself blessed

Why would you say that on this thread? Nasty.

Yeah it’s pretty shit but it’s also kinda interesting that in years to come we have been a part of history. Seeing in the millennium, brexit and covid. Our grandchildren will have their minds blown.

All these people who are saying that life was easier during a WW because you could still socialise are conveniently forgetting most of the men were being sent away to fight, and their families lived in fear of them never coming back home, or coming back seriously wounded, physically or mentally, or both. Some women didn't see their husbands for years, children were born (and presumably sometimes died) while their fathers were away. I'm not trivialising the current situation, but there are worse things in history.

Agree. It’s a shit time to be alive but there have been shitter times!

Seriously tone deaf to jump on this thread with all the “you should consider yourself lucky you haven’t dealt with x,y,z”. Of course there are shitter things that have happened or are happening. It doesn’t mean that people aren’t also allowed to feel crap about losing jobs, homes, mental health etc. It’s basic empathy.

Of course there are shitter things that have happened or are happening.

As I said, things are totally shit now. But for me personally, putting current events into context makes me feel a little less shit. I appreciate that it may not work as a coping mechanism for everyone, but it helps me a little bit. That’s all.

DH was furloughed and then made redundant. That has fucked us financially but the knock on effects are also horrid. Ds3's childminder had looked after him since he was 9 months old and was still doing his afterschool and holiday care, we had to give her notice and we aren't the only mindee's family who have had to do the same, so she is really struggling and I feel awful. I haven't seen my parents since January, their choice as they have self imposed shielding (neither are in a shielding category) and I know for many people that's not a big deal but I have never been so long without seeing them and they won't even let me go to their town and stand at the end of their drive to see them. They won't end their isolation until there is an all singing, all dancing vaccine and I am starting to think I will never see them again. My mum is not coping, she is better now I have managed to hassle her into a phone consult with her GP and starting medication so her anxiety and sleeplessness are reduced but she is still living in utter panic. My youngest child qualifies everything with "when coronavirus season is over" and that really is nothing but makes me sad. On and on and on.

Knowing that other people's lives have been- indeed are- far, far worse in every possible way does not make me feel any better about the things currently upsetting me.

I do get where some of the posters are coming from " Conveniently forgetting most of the men were being sent away to fight, and their families lived in fear of them never coming back home, or coming back seriously wounded, physically or mentally, or both. Some women didn't see their husbands for years, children were born (and presumably sometimes died) while their fathers were away. I'm not trivialising the current situation, but there are worse things in history. "

This!

Yes it is shit but so much catastrophising nowadays. If you constantly envelope yourself in misery then don't be surprised if you struggle to see any hope. Someone said to me once how awful it was that her son had to wear glasses - to her it was dreadful, she had no perspective and went on and on and on about it and dragged herself down. Yet, no one was allowed to suggest the positives because she should be allowed to wallow so we left her to it. Years later she said she didn't realise how she had focussed so much on one thing and it was a shame no one helped her see the positives who knows. We all walk different paths, have different attitudes to life and different coping mechanisms. What for one is the end of the world is a challenge to another eg - toddler at home bored focus on what you can do rather than what you cannot.

Accept it is shit for now. Answering the @Mylittlesandwich question then what's shit for me is that my father is in hospital really ill and I cannot visit. He also has dementia so doesn't understand what is happening. It is shit.

But people know there have been shittier times in history, it doesn't stop them feeling bad now, it doesn't mean they are not struggling now, it just adds guilt to that struggle

I had saved up to afford a year off work with my baby. He was supposed to start nursery at Easter so I could go back to work. But the nursery went bankrupt in the first wave of Covid. Obviously he wasn’t on the waiting list at any other nursery so I can’t get him a place. Not that he needs it anyway, because my previous employer is making cuts and won’t hire me back as planned. So I’m stuck at home with DC and bored sick. Every day that passes diminishes my chances of successfully re-entering the job market. And DH is still employed so I can’t claim any benefits despite being out of pocket by £1k a month that I was expecting to earn.

@Dongdingdong

As I said, things are totally shit now. But for me personally, putting current events into context makes me feel a little less shit. I appreciate that it may not work as a coping mechanism for everyone, but it helps me a little bit. That’s all.

I am trying to do that too. My father is ill and it's tough but I cannot bring my children down too. Although having a moan on here might be the only release some have and so can moan away on here anon and then put the positive pants on in front of children etc. It's when the negatives build and build and unable to see the light is when outside help is need.

Some people are so unhelpful. It’s like saying you can’t be sad your child died in a car crash because Mrs X lost her husband and all three of her children in a similar accident.

Oh thank goodness for somewhere to admit to how shit this is. In phone calls and zooms to friends and family I can’t see, I have to be all positive and ok with this as me being miserable would just add to other people’s burden. I’m Irish in U.K. but used to going over and back every 5 mins and the homesickness is breaking my heart. Any suggestion that I might go to Ireland feels like being selfish and not ‘keeping people safe’. Obviously I would only go if we can follow the rules and see no one for two weeks which means taking kids out of school again...no easy answers. But I feel like a big and important chunk of mine and my kids lives has been lobbed off and I have to pretend like it’s all ok.

Someone said to me once how awful it was that her son had to wear glasses

What a terrible example to compare with what people have shared here - losing their homes, relatives dying, PND. Like I said, tone deaf. Marie Antoinette springs to mind.