What a shit time to be alive

[Mylittlesandwich]

I know we're all supposed to be keeping upbeat and accepting the new normal but it's bollocks.

Obviously we're all being screwed in different and inventive ways, personally I had DS in November by the time I'd fought through my PND cloud and felt up to facing people we were in lockdown.
We had planned our budget for mat leave perfectly. Then DH was furloughed.
We had scraped through lockdown and he was back at work when the Scottish circuit breaker popped up and he was let go.
We are so skint it's unreal. I'm working from what should have been a nursery as many hours as I can get my hands on to try and keep us afloat and I can't even spend a couple of hours at my mums to re-charge.
Feel free to add the ways covid has screwed you over.

It's made me revisit what life must have been like in 1940s. Shown as so collegial in movies -- actually far far more shit than what we are enduring now. WWII era must have been far more socially divisive, anxiety-generating, uncertain, etc. than we ever see in the historical accounts.

Total shit. I concur.

DM died of cancer in the summer after diagnosis was delayed and treatment unavailable because of lockdown. (It was already far spread by the the time it was discovered.)

So that's the big one. But also. Spent all summer prepping to teach my (university) students face to face, only to be back on Zoom because half of them have Covid and the others are self-isolating. (The ones with Covid have no or mild symptoms.) That means I've done the wrong kind of prep and am working late at night again to redo it. As well as having to pack my teaching and meetings into school hours because it's impossible to have enough peace and quiet after 3:30, even if DCs are slobbed out in front of the TV.

Serious stomach pain for months, no GP visit. Unable to get the blood test A&E said I needed to get to follow up. No blood tests available.

Antidepressant I took for a decade no longer available. GP referred me to mental health services but haven't had an appointment yet. Very depressed, can't sleep, losing weight.

Husband has lost 30k in annual income and counting. He's depressed too.

Had arranged to go to the pub today with an old friend. Now not meant to be going because that's banned in London.

There will be more lives thrown in to poverty hunger and homelessness than those effected by covid and somehow this is acceptable!
And the best advice Boris has got if you have lost your job is to tell you to retrain in something else! The world has gone mental nothing matters apart from covid

I think the first world war alongside the Spanish flu pandemic and the great depression was probably quite a lot worse.
My grandparents lived through that and never spoke about it.

All these people saying ‘people have gone through much worse’...

My grandma is 90. Lived through the war. Lost her mum when she was 9. Lived in severe poverty with three young children when her husband left her. Lost her young grandson (my brother).
She still says this is one of the worst things she’s experienced. That in all other ‘bad’ times she’s been able to see friends and family and hug and do things to take her mind off what’s happening.

Other people having a worse time does not remove anyone else's 'right' to feel crappy. Yes people have and will live through worse than this. Yes I understand that I do come from a 'fortunate' position but that doesn't mean that people aren't suffering.

Again if you aren't finding this tough at all and don't want a bit of a moan about it then this probably isn't the thread for you.

That in all other ‘bad’ times she’s been able to see friends and family and hug and do things to take her mind off what’s happening.

That's it really isn't it? It's the separation from our loved ones that is really hard. I'm single and living alone in a different country to my family support network. Not knowing when you can see your family again is shit in anyone's book. Even when I do get to see them, hugging and close contact is forbidden. It's hard to keep positive in all of this.

@lljkk

It's made me revisit what life must have been like in 1940s. Shown as so collegial in movies -- actually far far more shit than what we are enduring now. WWII era must have been far more socially divisive, anxiety-generating, uncertain, etc. than we ever see in the historical accounts.

Funny how history paints a picture. In the future, no doubt this period will be reported as a time when we re-learned simpler living, and new hobbies and lifestyles, slowed down blah blah blah. But it will all be a lie.

I often think about the reality of life in WW2. All this stiff upper lip, blitz spirit etc. It's just bollocks.

Sorry you are struggling op.
I lost my father during lock down and bot being able to cuddle and comfort my mum and brother, sister at the funeral was awful. Myself and DH are working from home which is cold but ok we especially DH is saving money and time on travel. Its a bit lonely but doable.
However, its my teen DC I feel most sorry for DS year 12 now missed the opportunity and experience of taking his GCSE’s and proving what he could do, he also missed out on his prom, leavers assembly and the long summer hols hanging about with his mates maybe camping, carefree days and nights out (instead he was hanging about the house with us and only met up with friends 3 times March to Sept).
But DD is far worse off she is in year 11 this year she tried to work during lock down but it was all consolidation work. She is back at school now cramming two lessons into one (to try and catch up), they are freezing cold as all her classroom windows are flung open due to covid, no coats allowed in school for the kids (but the teachers are allowed to wear coats, hats, scarves and gloves), no hot food or drinks and all the teachers stressing them and telling them different things. She has missed her Work Experience, 2 x Geography trips, meeting up with friends and has lived with all the uncertainty, anxiety and stress regarding her GCSE’s since last March. Her MH is at breaking point. So I worry most for my kids.
I also worry for my mum trying to come to terms with life without my dad but covid times are very scary when you are 80.
When I had my babies however tired or down I felt the best thing is to get outdoors in the fresh air for long walks as much as possible.

I’m stuck in a house with my abusive STBXH who is refusing to leave and due to Covid the rental market around here has completely dried up so there is no where to go.

I have a new partner and seeing him was offering me a little bit of respite from this horrible situation but he’s in north wales and I’m not so now we’re banned from even seeing each other outside.

I don't know how new mums can cope.

I’m not.

I have a 4 month old and DP on shift rota. Evening and night shift weeks ruin me and I just sit on the floor crying.

I can’t visit.
Nobody can come over.
I have no break.
My family don’t know my child, what makes him smile, what makes him laugh.

I’m a first time mum and I’m lonely.

@lljkk

It's made me revisit what life must have been like in 1940s. Shown as so collegial in movies -- actually far far more shit than what we are enduring now. WWII era must have been far more socially divisive, anxiety-generating, uncertain, etc. than we ever see in the historical accounts.

On some fronts I agree. But, people weren't forced to stop seeing people around them or to stop hugging, for example. If a stranger was crying you could give them a hug - the people around you were not threats to your well-being and you couldn't inadvertently kill your parent. I know someone who actually was a Muslim teen in Sarajevo (someone mentioned upthread) and the experience changed her life radically. It was very bad. And she told me that for her lockdown is worse. Her mother has said the same. I'm not saying theirs was the only experience btw or dismissing the experiences of those who found that situation worse than lockdown. It's merely to point out that the physical disconnection lack of regular touch (hugging a friend who is sad) really is genuinely awful for many people.

Wow - a shit time to be alive.

Unbelievable self indulgence. I imagine many people with life limiting illness will swap temporary restrictions. Imagine if the generation during the 2 world wars just gave up as many people today appear to. The benefit system is rubbish but at least it gives some money. Apply for anything you can get. Look at websites to see where you can cut back on outgoings. Maybe your partner could use time on furlough to retrain, look at saving money or any opportunities available. The NHS never existed 80 years ago and so at least healthcare is free.

Yes it is tough in many ways. It is a very difficult period of time but it will pass. I have seen a massive difference in perspectives though from the give ups and moan to the what can we do with what we have. Take the moan and have a go one - we have all been there and then drag yourself out from the other side and look at what you can do for the future and go for it. As a nation there are a lot of people that have absolutely little resilience to anything. Refugees arrive from dreadful warn torn countries and many shout (from our immensely privileged positions) why are they here - because they have dragged themselves often across many countries to find a better life and you know what for all it's faults this country is one of the better places to live.

Yes I know the let's keep everything negative brigade will jump on this but then they jump on everything that isn't negative. Try to look for the good in life no matter how little it feels at the moment

@PopcornPugs

I’m stuck in a house with my abusive STBXH who is refusing to leave and due to Covid the rental market around here has completely dried up so there is no where to go.

I have a new partner and seeing him was offering me a little bit of respite from this horrible situation but he’s in north wales and I’m not so now we’re banned from even seeing each other outside.

Similar situation here. Although no new partner.

It's soul destroying. I try not to let it bother me because of the kids, but my body literally aches from all the stress.

"Funny how history paints a picture. In the future, no doubt this period will be reported as a time when we re-learned simpler living, and new hobbies and lifestyles, slowed down blah blah blah. But it will all be a lie.
I often think about the reality of life in WW2. All this stiff upper lip, blitz spirit etc. It's just bollocks."

It's not bollocks and a lie though. Some people really do dig deep and get on with it for themselves and family and friends. Some don't. I recall my grandmother saying that she didn't see her husband for 2 years - no face time - no internet - nothing but she dug deep looked after my mother and uncle and made it through. She says it was very tough but she didn't have a choice - it was that or give up. She was never a quitter!

"This too shall pass". Yeah it will. So will grief after a loved one dies, so with the pain of a broken arm. Lots of things "pass". Life is rarely the same as before afterwards and it almost never helps people who are suffering to minimise their feelings.

So go and find another thread, I'd suggest starting in AIBU where there are loads of posters who like to make people who feel bad feel worse.

I hear you - I was planning the holiday of a lifetime, now unlikely ever to be able to take it. I've seen my only child once since February and may not be able to see them at Christmas. I cant see the rest of my family at all. If I need health care in future I'm probably going to have to pay for it as the NHS will take years to recover if Boris doesnt privatise the last remnants of it.

It's a shit time to be alive but more treatments are being developed and vaccines will come. The world keeps turning, spring will come and it will be easier next year.

Venting about how bad it is can help, but so does reminding yourself that this is temporary and therefore it's better being alive than dead or facing long term disability.

My family is sacred is to me and not being able to sit with them , just being with them on the sofa and watching a movie together or pottering out to the garden centre , makes my heart hurt

Then just see them. If you haven’t got it and they haven’t got it what is the problem. Screw the rules.

I’d like to vent.

I have waves of feeling absolutely fine and upbeat, then it hits me how much we’ve had to change.

I feel so worried about Ds (14) and his education, currently isolating from school, again, remote learning, which he’s not really engaging in. Even at school he doesn’t get to see half the teachers, remote work set half the time. I worry for him long term and how this will affect the rest of his life!

@RationalOne

"Funny how history paints a picture. In the future, no doubt this period will be reported as a time when we re-learned simpler living, and new hobbies and lifestyles, slowed down blah blah blah. But it will all be a lie. I often think about the reality of life in WW2. All this stiff upper lip, blitz spirit etc. It's just bollocks."

It's not bollocks and a lie though. Some people really do dig deep and get on with it for themselves and family and friends. Some don't. I recall my grandmother saying that she didn't see her husband for 2 years - no face time - no internet - nothing but she dug deep looked after my mother and uncle and made it through. She says it was very tough but she didn't have a choice - it was that or give up. She was never a quitter!

My point was related to the fact that the "wartime" spirit was painted in a good light. Yes, I'm sure people did dig deep and get on with it, but that's out of necessity, much like now. Maybe your Grandmother did that, but maybe she felt like shit and had she had a forum like this, maybe she would have moaned like hell.

I haven't given up personally, I am very isolated but pushing through each day. I just don't feel particularly happy with the situation. There's a difference between pushing through and those posters who claim life is better like this.

It’s like being under house arrest for a crime you didn’t commit

Great analogy Alec

YANBU. I lost my business after being a SAHM for 5 yrs. Couldn’t carry over any more losses during lockdown.

We spent the entire summer following the stupid rules, did all the social distancing etc. Hardly went out because nothing was open. Can’t get a toddler to social distance in a playground. Didn’t see family who are high risk. No help or support from anyone. We are on our own. No holiday, no break. Then the schools finally re-open and I start to look at re-launching. Spend weeks investing time and energy into starting back up.

Launch the business and one day later my DC gets a temperature. DC both home from school, can’t get a test. Temporarily close business. Spend hours refreshing the system. Finally order a postal test. It takes 2 days to arrive. 1 day to test and return. 4 fucking days for the result. Negative. Isolated the entire time.

Get the business back up, kids back to school. DC comes home with a new cough. Have a huge debate about whether to test, can we really go through that horrendous journey again? Decide we have to. Get DC a test. Wait for the results. One day. Two days. Three days. Positive.

We have to isolate for another 14 days. Shut business again. DC out of school again. And now we have that very real threat that we might all get CV. My DC is sick, hence the decision to test. DH is terrified he’s going to get it (he’s higher risk). And the entire time we’ve followed every sodding rule.

And breathe! It’s so shit! And it’s ok to acknowledge it’s so shit. Yes no one in my family has died (yet) but it’s still shit. I just couldn’t imagine having gone through this with a little one too young to understand.

for you OP.

Yes it's not great but on the scale of generational traumatic events we have it a lot easier than previous generations. All we are being asked to do is stay in/ socially distance for a year. We are not being asked to go and fight in another country or have our lives stopped by war. It is rubbish, but a shit time to be alive is all relative.

to all of you who have babies during this. It is a lonely wirk in normal circumstances, so I can imagine how you are feeling
And more for those who have lost jobs or incomes.