Nothing brings me any happiness anymore

[Pizzaandrosehip]

I know it’s the same for everyone and I’m lucky for lots of reasons but I’m also high risk (previously shielded) and so is my dad.
I just find it so depressing having nothing to look forwards to. All the things I previously enjoyed either now aren’t happening (concerts, shows) or are just too much worry and hassle to bother with.
I’m not even that worried about catching covid, it’s more the constant rules and now nothing is spontaneous. I do understand why but it’s so depressing. I’ve had anxiety before, a few years ago, and it’s back again. The total uncertainty around everything, I’m constantly on edge and I’m really really tired all the time.
It all seems pointless really.

I don't 'do' anything either, other than go to work (school). I absolutely hate the lack of spontaneity - just can't get myself organised for anything beyond the same day.

It definitely sucks.

Snap. It's my birthday next weekend. Last year I was in skeggy with friends for the weekend. The year before I was away at a butlins adult weekend with friends. This year nothing. I can't see my friends or go anywhere :0(
Our half term holiday is cancelled.
Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary but we've been separated two years so it's just a reminder of failure.
My kids mental health is struggling and I'm fed up of pretending I'm ok.
Before lockdown I was out every weekend and busy most nights. It had taken me a year of pushing myself out of a deep dark blackness to get to the light again and I feel I've slipped right back.

I'm struggling too. Everything seems such an effort. My daughter is already having to isolate due to Covid cases in her year group at school and is really sad to be away from school again. My anxiety is sky high. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up when it wAs over.

I think that’s the thing - when you’ve only recently tenuously started feeling better and then been plunged into a pandemic then you are more likely to start finding things hard again.
That said, I’ve friends with very robust mental health who are now struggling.
It’s this living day to day unable to plan business. I know it’s still possible to do things, im just finding it very hard to actually enjoy anything. I’ve tried to make the best of things with the children but in reality when we go out places I’m just waiting for it to be over so we can go home.

I have zero anxiety about the virus. I have maximum anxiety about the lack of anything in my life.

I have social anxiety and had just finished counselling for it when Boris shut down the frigging country. Here was the (slightly more) confident me, willing to accept invitations and not be so scared of social gatherings, only to have it all brought to an end.

My dad is medically vulnerable and I cannot visit him. I'm not even allowed in his back garden. I can't see my friend as they are shielding a family member. I can't see my brother as he's had chemotherapy. We had to cancel our holiday this year. No new holidays booked as yet because my husband hates wearing a mask on any transport. If we want to go out anywhere we have to book everywhere in advance. I agree, no sponteneity. I just think I'm living to go to work and that's it. Utterly depressing.

It's total balls. It's made me realise what was keeping me going - fun adventures in the city with the kids, seeing friends, chats in work. Now everything is so utilitarian, we just meet for one specific thing on line and all serendipity is lost. I realise it's a first world problem but it still sucks.

That’s it - it’s the small stuff that on its own seems fairly insignificant but adds up to bigger stuff.
I used to like taking my two for a wander around the car boot on a Sunday morning occasionally with their pocket money.
I used to like taking them last minute out for dinner occasionally.
I used to like getting the train and taking them somewhere new and exploring a bit.
Nothing wildly exciting really, but enjoyable nevertheless. Now it all seems such hard work all the time and when I do take them places it’s against a constants backdrop of anxiety. Not about catching covid...I’m not sure what it is exactly. I think it’s the waiting, it feels like we are always waiting for it to get better / worse and so no moment is totally untarnished.

I have begun to accept the boringness of life for the time being.

Have lovely bath products in and a stack of happy reading material, I am trying to "travel", "have life experiences" and "conversations" via characters in books at the moment. Not exactly the same I am aware, working on better than nothing.

Yes it's pants.

Have lovely bath products in and a stack of happy reading material, I am trying to "travel", "have life experiences" and "conversations" via characters in books at the moment. Not exactly the same I am aware, working on better than nothing.

This. Def this. We haven't been on a foreign holiday for 14 years. We'd love to take DS some day but so far funds haven't allowed it as we'd need to get all new passports which is the best part of £300.
So I have instead spent all this time watching travel progs and reading about beautiful places like Italy. I go to places in my dreams and when DS is at school I'll take long baths with candles. Nothing beats it and actually it's far more relaxing than travel!

I'm sick of waking up every day with the covid cloud hanging over me. I'm sick of worrying what my level of illness would be if I got it with 'an underlying condition'
I just feel like catching the fucking thing and getting it over and done with.

I feel the same. I know it’s all necessary but I’ve just had enough.

I think most people have had enough now. How long can we go on like this? The impact on people’s livelihoods, mental health, kids’ education...entire sectors destroyed; travel, events, theatre, events.

We are on this planet a very short time. We are sociable creatures. We need contact, touch. Things to look forward to!

I think it's entirely natural to feel that way but it's shit. all round.

I'm coping by focusing on Christmas shopping, and watching a lot of TV drama.

I am exactly the same. Not worried about catching the virus. Worried about going out for lunch/dinner incase we have to isolate due to track and trace so now we go nowhere that involves leaving our details. Worried about someone in my DC’s bubble at school catching the virus and then being in quarantine for two weeks. Used to love going out for day trips, meeting friends, had a great social life but since our county went into local lockdown two weeks ago there is no point in planning anything and seems there’s nothing to look forward to either.

I don't mind it. I start every morning with an hour long yoga class, on Zoom, make kids lunches ( which I used to have to do the night before) log on to my work laptop and tidy around in between work calls. Dd12 comes home for lunch and I always have something nice made for her. Back to work. Ds11 home at 3 and did at 4. I get to say hello to them. Finish up around 5.30 and make dinner. Dh home around then and then he brings the out most night for training and I do a guided meditation or watch 90 day fiancé or go for a walk with the dog. Then at weekends I shop, exercise and we have spent the last 2 painting our bedroom, up cycling some furniture, making plans. Dh's birthday tomorrow so ordered dinner from a lovely pub to be delivered and will have cake afterwards and presents. Sure it's different but if you don't make the best of it and fill your time doing things that make you feel better then your missing an opportunity. This pandemic has affected most people in some way, I'm just grateful that even though I haven't seen my parents and friends in Months and our older dd is nursing on a COVID ward and I had the younger kids at home while wfh full time that there is still lots and lots of stuff to enjoy and take pleasure from. You just have to accept what you can't do and then make the most of what is still available.

I agree. The lack of spontaneity is getting to me. We would like to just pop into a cafe. We don't want to book, follow goodness knows what rules, wear a mask etc. We just want to pop in. That's it.

Wen to the pub for a friends birthday the other evening. Was ok but by 9.30 the staff were hanging over us to ensure we left by 10. Spoilt it.

Zero fear of covid but struggling the rest of the nonsense.

At the moment I'd be kinda glad if covid took me, but as fit and healthy 40 year old it's doubtful.

But these is no joy in things , no spontanity, can't enjoy life with so many rules.

I feel the same. I've been on furlough for 5 months, I hardly see anyone except DH and elderly MIL, who we support in various ways. Things are strained between me and DH as we are in each other's company too much, with little to talk about other than Covid and the impact on MIL.

An old friendship ended badly last year, and I have no other real friends living nearby, so no female friends to spend time with. The autumnal wet weather is getting me down, mask wearing gives me anxiety as my glasses steam up constantly, so shopping is a bit of an endurance test. I miss work and the contact with other people, but feel it's inevitable I will be made redundant at the end of this month, as most other employees seem to have returned to work, although it's hard to know what's really going on when you've been out of the picture for so long. I'm fearful of catching the virus and ending up in hospital, but more fearful of DH catching it and leaving me a widow (despite the fact he's driving me nuts at times, I do love him).

I know lots of people have much worse problems and we're lucky compared to many, but my SAD is kicking in and I think this winter will be a tough one. Jus
Today has been a miserable day so I'm being grumpy and venting here, hoping tomorow might be a better day. and to everyone else struggling right now, I think many of us are in the same boat.

@Swishswish26

I am exactly the same. Not worried about catching the virus. Worried about going out for lunch/dinner incase we have to isolate due to track and trace so now we go nowhere that involves leaving our details. Worried about someone in my DC’s bubble at school catching the virus and then being in quarantine for two weeks. Used to love going out for day trips, meeting friends, had a great social life but since our county went into local lockdown two weeks ago there is no point in planning anything and seems there’s nothing to look forward to either.

This is exactly how I feel. A friend of mine was contact by t&t 3 weeks ago, when she told me I went into meltdown at the prospect of it happening to me (selfish I know, as she was amazingly stoic about it all but I did says my breakdown for private. Since then, I’ve been terrified of going anywhere that requires my details. I’m a teacher and I’m constantly on edge about the poor kids having to go off and isolate. I’m even more worried about my DC having to isolate (particularly DS, who has boundless energy and struggled enough with just an hour of exercise and garden time in lockdown). I’m in local lockdown and incredibly worried about my friend (a single mum) who I would bubble with but she’s in the wrong county. I feel like I’m waiting for an axe to drop and the prospect of further restrictions/isolating far outstrips any anxiety I have about catching the virus. You are not alone

I’m surprised by how hard I’m finding it now. I thought of myself as quite introverted, so staying at home with my dog and my husband shouldn’t be that big of an issue. If restrictions were lifted tomorrow, I don’t think I’d go to an all night rave with thousands of people but I realise we saw friends in small groups quite frequently and not being able to do that is impacting me more than I thought. I’m in an area that doesn’t have local lockdown and has low cases so I still have more freedom to see friends than some areas but all my friends are prioritising seeing family, which I get. I’ve seen one local friend in person since March, a few colleagues, the dog walker and the neighbour. Oh and the DPD man. I haven’t hugged anyone other than my husband for 7 months. My family live hours away and are in a local lockdown area, I’ve not seen them since February. Both DH and I are planners and we had a lot of plans for this year. Our plans have completely been flipped so many times now and we’ve achieved nothing we set out to this year. It makes me unsettled for our plans to have completely gone to shit. In February I had some career counselling and felt like I’d make a breakthrough with what was required of me to get a new job (finally). Now I’m still stuck in the same job and I'm grateful that I have a job but I just feel like such a flop. We had a great holiday planned for our big birthdays. This was going to be a good year. Now I can’t even face thinking about Christmas because it means the year is over and nothing has been achieved.

We’ve been out a few times but I get anxious. Not necessarily about catching it or even having to self isolate as we’re both still working from home. But because of all the other people we’d have to notify if we had to self isolate and how it would impact them. The most regular person we’ve seen is our neighbour who is self employed and unable to work from home and so is her partner. So if have to isolate and we have been in contact with her, that starts to impact on her livelihood. Logically I know that’s the risk they take but it’s shit.

A while ago, I saw a thread on here asking if you just want to wake up when all this was done. At the time, I thought no because there were still things to enjoy and how do you appreciate the good if you haven’t had the bad. Now, I don’t care. I just want to wake up and all this be a distant memory. I’m just done with it.

@Pizzaandrosehip

I know it’s the same for everyone and I’m lucky for lots of reasons but I’m also high risk (previously shielded) and so is my dad. I just find it so depressing having nothing to look forwards to. All the things I previously enjoyed either now aren’t happening (concerts, shows) or are just too much worry and hassle to bother with. I’m not even that worried about catching covid, it’s more the constant rules and now nothing is spontaneous. I do understand why but it’s so depressing. I’ve had anxiety before, a few years ago, and it’s back again. The total uncertainty around everything, I’m constantly on edge and I’m really really tired all the time. It all seems pointless really.

Me too honey don't feel alone

Same here. I'm pretty introverted too, love to stay in but even I'm getting cabin fever and hate the stagnancy of it all. For 17 years I was in a marriage to an alcoholic who spent all our money and hence we couldn't travel and he didn't want to 'sacrifice' spending his drinking money on a holiday so when I remarried, I wanted to start travelling and be spontaneous as often as possible. Haven't had a holiday this year.. not even in the UK. Planning one for next May, even if it is in the UK! Other than that, we had said we need more odd days out here and there but then that could be stopped if Covid continues spreading again. Haven't seen friends because they've been self-isolating. Talk about groundhog days!

It all just feels a bit...flat, doesn't it?

The lack of spontaneity is really pissing me off. The unpredictable British weather means I don't want to book something days in advance. The joy has been sucked out of everything. I had one day back in the office before everything shut down and as I was leaving I spotted something in a shop window and popped in to browse for the first time in six months. I immediately got barked at for not using the hand sanitiser hidden behind the door alarms (plus I'd sanitised thirty seconds earlier as I left my office). It just made me want to not bother.

I'm not scared about catching the virus (if I haven't already had - I had a couple of odd illnesses when I was still commuting into London daily before lockdown), but I feel like I'm living a half life. I usually get a huge amount of pleasure from travel and that's out now. Meh.

That’s it - flat. It feels flat. As though the rug could be pulled from under us at any time.

@MysweetAudrina
How marvellous. Obviously theres always yoga to cope with this absolute shite