This won't be allowed?

[Anxiousgirl23]

Expecting my first baby mid November. My in laws have planned to come down beginning of December.. Mil and fil expect to stay at our house and sil and bil at local hotel but will spend most of the time at ours. Given current rule of 6 and the fact there will be 7 of us including baby, should they be thinking they may have to reschedule if rules don't change? My sil seems to think not...

More importantly I wouldn't be risking them brining Covid into your home with a newborn.

@alialys absolutely my feeling but they are pushy. My daughter will also be born immunosuppressed because of medication I take..

That wouldn’t currently be allowed, the baby will count as a person.

I wouldn’t get too wedded to this plan, it’s highly likely a no mixing of households ban will come in for the rest of England as it is in a lot of areas already.

@BikeTyson yes I think so too

I would embrace this new rule. Hole up at home and have some time to yourself. Especially if you are expecting an immunosuppressed baby.

It sounds like you’re not keen - so hopefully this will be a good excuse to get out of it!

If your daughter will be born immunocompromised, then do not allow 4 people to stay in your home. Pushy people will be pushy; just ignore them anyway.

It does go against the rule, so if you don't feel confident saying no, definitely use it as a get out.

You are correct, that's too many people. I don't think I would be wanting them to visit either but it depends on your relationship with them and I may be willing if they would self isolate for 2 weeks beforehand.

I wouldn't have wanted people to stay that close to giving birth either, unless they are the type to do all your cleaning and washing and leave you in peace.

My daughter will also be born immunosuppressed because of medication I take

in that case the only thing a decent, caring and loving grandparent or aunt/uncle can do is stay well away and only meet the new arrival via zoom until she is older. you are going to need to be twice as pushy right back at them in defence of your daughter. access your inner tiger and start saying "no"

Where's your partner in all this? They should be giving it to them straight. Also tell them your doctor has told you no visitors.

It's a good thing you can cite the law then as you won't be the bad guy. They'll have to content themselves with zoom.

Yes I'm not too keen... They are definitely not the sort to self isolate... My sil recently had potential contact with someone who tested positive and didn't self isolate

@happystory haven't discussed with him recently but previously he was irritated when I said I didn't want his parents down the day after birth

It sounds like a terrible idea even without Corona unless you have a very good relationship and they are independent and helpful sorts of people.

Having four extra adults, two of them staying with you, weeks after giving birth sounds like a lot of work for your dh.

I dont think it is about wanting them - its simply not a good idea at the moment

You cant have all 4 because it will be 7 and your DD will be vulnerable and should be protectted

@StitchInTimeSavesNine yes I think so too. Pil can be helpful but think I need my own space and time to bond just the three of us

@quartz2208 yes I don't think it's a good idea. I've been told even if people have mild colds or bugs they should stay away...

He can be as 'irritated' as he likes. It's YOUR body going through the birth, not his, it's up to you when you're ready to have people stay in your home while you're recovering.

With a newborn baby (during the pandemic) I wouldn't have anyone visiting.

With a baby who will be extra vulnerable, I'd seriously judge him for putting them before the baby & there's no way it would be happening.

Be strong, say no, they can push all they like, but you don't have to move on your 'no'. If they just turn up, don't let them in. YOU are your baby's protector!

Nope nope nope; they shouldn't be seeing her until there's at least a vaccine- and they've had it!, they're literally wanting to risk her life- id being very LC for that

4 relatives all visiting newborn at the same time... No. Use the Covid rules as a great reason not to do that. You want peace and quiet, not lots of visitors. If MIL wants to visit, then allow that for short period of time but other than them, no I wouldn't entertain lots of people.

If your DH is trying to push visitors on you, then I suggest you decamp to your own DMum's for a couple of weeks!

You need to tell him that you simply don't known when you'll feel up to post-natal visitors, and certainly not in those numbers. If they all want to come down at the same time, DH can see them en famille in a pub/restaurant, and then each pair visits the baby (and I mean visit - not hanging out all day). In your garden if it's warm/dry. In your biggest and best-ventilated room if not.

@EdithWeston unfortunately my mum is dead and have no family I can decamp to. Yes I agree they should be visiting separately and not staying at ours

Sorry @Anxiousgirl23 for positing tactlessly, and I hope you're OK

@EdithWeston no worries

I had my second baby in May and I was glad I didn't have tons of visitors. Especially when your tired, bleeding and trying to recover from stitches etc you don't want inlaw s hovering around or trying to host. Also it's time for you and your partner to gain a bond with the baby as a family rather than other people demmanding cuddles all the time. I didn't allow anyone to come near my baby for the first 6 weeks because of covid. With your baby being immunosuppressed I would deffo tell them to stay away for a while. Goodluck and Congratulations! X