Revelling in the misery?!

[RainyDaze4]

I’ve made the mistake of reading some of the threads on here and I’m just fed up of seeing people seemingly enjoying bringing doom and gloom to every discussion.

I don’t mean people feeling sad/hopeless, I mean the people who seem to enjoy telling others ‘If you think Christmas will be better you’re naive!’, ‘we’ll be in lockdown for another year yet!’, ‘ha! No vaccine until 2022 I reckon..’ etc etc

Do you feel better by writing that sort of stuff, is it genuinely what you think? I just find it unnecessary in a lot of cases, particularly when the OP is clearly struggling.

It’s like earlier in the year when it seemed like some people almost wanted the death toll to rise so they could be even more bitter about the government and take an air of ‘Told you so!!!’ about needing an earlier lockdown etc.

I think maybe I need to avoid this board in future...

I don't think they are.

It's difficult for many people and with so many opinions in real life, hard to talk about.

I don't see the issue with expressing concern, worry, desperation, frustration etc here. Better than not expressing it at all and ending up in a mental health crisis.

@Bluewavescrashing

I don't think they are.

It's difficult for many people and with so many opinions in real life, hard to talk about.

I don't see the issue with expressing concern, worry, desperation, frustration etc here. Better than not expressing it at all and ending up in a mental health crisis.

But that’s what I said - I don’t mean people expressing their anxiety and sadness, I mean the people who respond by gleefully telling you things are only going to get worse etc. There’s a difference!

@DameCelia

I don’t know what that means but I’m guessing it’s an insult of some kind?

Totally agree OP

Some people say at home are loving all the drama

I've spent six fucking long months now saying things like "no, you probably shouldn't book a holiday skiing in Italy", "Yes, I do think schools are going to close", "You should probably wear a mask", "I think normal colds are going to bring the country to a halt when schools re-open."

You know, doom-mongery things like that. Apparently, I love it, I get a huge kick out of it, and just love misery.

I'm curious why I'm not fucking jumping about clicking my heels at my side right now, to be honest.

OK, I think I misunderstood.

I don't think many people are gleeful though.

You see, different people react in different ways.

I find it tremendously stressful when I know something is going badly and we have to pretend it's not. It's one of the worst things for my anxiety because you have to sit and make plans for things you ABSOLUTELY KNOW are not going to happen or get told off for your negative outlook. It's like sitting in a house that's on fire and everyone around you keeps telling you that you would be much happier if you stopped talking about the possibility of burning to death and ignored it.

This part, the part where actually everyone acknowledges that oh crap, it's back? It's easier. I can plan now, rather than pretending to plan. I can work out what we're actually doing for Christmas rather than pretending it's going to be normal because Boris says the war will be over before Christmas. It feels better.

But I know other people don't feel like that at all and still desperately want to cling to BUT IT MIGHT GET BETTER.

Just because you need to cling to that for your mental health doesn't make someone else's need to accept the situation for their own mental health any less important.

It could just be reaction to those who could be described as overly optimistic. (Or Unrealistic ). People are either glass half full or empty. Being too optimistic can be annoying and lead to disappointment. If you think of the worst it is usually a nice surprise when it doesn’t happen.

@Nellodee

I've spent six fucking long months now saying things like "no, you probably shouldn't book a holiday skiing in Italy", "Yes, I do think schools are going to close", "You should probably wear a mask", "I think normal colds are going to bring the country to a halt when schools re-open."

You know, doom-mongery things like that. Apparently, I love it, I get a huge kick out of it, and just love misery.

I'm curious why I'm not fucking jumping about clicking my heels at my side right now, to be honest.

Totally misunderstood my point I think - I’m not saying people should be happy about the situation or ignoring what’s going on, I mean the reaction to some threads on here just surely makes people feel worse?

I guess it’s all people’s frustrations but there’s threads where someone might be expressing their worries about Christmas or their DC at uni and it’s met with a ‘well you’ll just have to get over it and not be selfish’ response.

Yes, some people are never happier than when they can outmisery each other and competitively wallow in it.

@swg1

You see, different people react in different ways.

I find it tremendously stressful when I know something is going badly and we have to pretend it's not. It's one of the worst things for my anxiety because you have to sit and make plans for things you ABSOLUTELY KNOW are not going to happen or get told off for your negative outlook. It's like sitting in a house that's on fire and everyone around you keeps telling you that you would be much happier if you stopped talking about the possibility of burning to death and ignored it.

This part, the part where actually everyone acknowledges that oh crap, it's back? It's easier. I can plan now, rather than pretending to plan. I can work out what we're actually doing for Christmas rather than pretending it's going to be normal because Boris says the war will be over before Christmas. It feels better.

But I know other people don't feel like that at all and still desperately want to cling to BUT IT MIGHT GET BETTER.

Just because you need to cling to that for your mental health doesn't make someone else's need to accept the situation for their own mental health any less important.

I do agree - I just think it’s a shame that some people probably come on here in the hope of getting a bit of support and they end up being made to feel worse. I suppose that’s just the world now though

@Chestergirl39

It could just be reaction to those who could be described as overly optimistic. (Or Unrealistic ). People are either glass half full or empty. Being too optimistic can be annoying and lead to disappointment. If you think of the worst it is usually a nice surprise when it doesn’t happen.

This is usually my outlook but I’m finding that’s wearing thin now - just so much misery!

Sorry, OP, I've just personally been told how much I am loving this shit show more times than I can count (actually not - I've probably been told it about sixteen times and can count quite a bit higher than that).

I think you are right that threads are full of people being dismissive and nasty to each other, and the more we have it done to us, the more likely we are to pass that negativity on to others.

Sorry I misinterpreted your post.

But then I have to avoid posts by people who think life should go completely back to normal and just let it happen because I know enough about things like supply chains for that to terrify me. And if I'm not very careful I'll end up on those posts shouting and yelling and looking very doom-mongery because how can you still not understand.

It's absolutely impossible to write posts in a way that's considerate of everyone's mental health. What helps me might actually hurt you.

Agree op - quite a few agendas as well. I didn't realise some people are so selfish or militant !

Most of us who are pointing out it won't all be over by Christmas (it could've been to a large extent if we'd done what Australia and New Zealand did months ago) are saying, so let's do something about it - to prevent things getting worse. I haven't read all the threads (I guess it's impossible without being on here 24/7) but the ones I'm on don't have any gloating. Quite the opposite. We still have time to take measures to mitigate the damage - but time is of the essence.

Excellent posts, swg1.

It's the nastiness that is awful and the deliberate misinterpretation of posts.

I think there’s always people like that though, for lots of situations. Defensive pessimism. Plan for the worst and all that and start believing their views as facts.

I think there's a difference between (a) being optimistic without seeking to deny what the evidence tells us, and (b) misplaced optimism based on ignorance (eg the the posters who claimed that school opening would be fine because children couldn't spread the virus). I have no issue with (a) where people are behaving responsibly. But I won't hesitate to call out people in category (b) whose misplaced optimism puts the lives of others at risk.

I don't think being realistic (or anxious, or pessimistic) means that someone is being "gleeful" about doom and gloom, but of course it is so hard to convey tone in a post, so words can be interpreted in a very different way from that intended.

I do get annoyed by the lack of empathy and nastiness in some responses though - especially when a poster is expressing sadness or regret about something others deem trivial ("why are you sad about your 4 year old missing out on normal kid stuff, dont'cha know there's a pandemic on...?" Etc.) I dont like meaness or sneering towards people who are having a shitty time, regardless of how many people in the world have it worse. But this happened before the pandemic as well.

@RainyDaze4

Yes some really have found their point in life. Drama, misery, rubbing their hands together as the rates rise...positively gleeful.
Sad.

@swg1 I could have written your post- although I wouldn't have put it as well as you did.

Thank you

Completely agree OP, it's a common theme on here and the reason many people are on MN in the first place is because anxiety brought us here.... long before Covid, many of us had our problems and this is somewhere we would come desperately looking for reassurance. But you know people prey on weakness, it's very virus like behaviour.