Revelling in the misery?!

[RainyDaze4]

I’ve made the mistake of reading some of the threads on here and I’m just fed up of seeing people seemingly enjoying bringing doom and gloom to every discussion.

I don’t mean people feeling sad/hopeless, I mean the people who seem to enjoy telling others ‘If you think Christmas will be better you’re naive!’, ‘we’ll be in lockdown for another year yet!’, ‘ha! No vaccine until 2022 I reckon..’ etc etc

Do you feel better by writing that sort of stuff, is it genuinely what you think? I just find it unnecessary in a lot of cases, particularly when the OP is clearly struggling.

It’s like earlier in the year when it seemed like some people almost wanted the death toll to rise so they could be even more bitter about the government and take an air of ‘Told you so!!!’ about needing an earlier lockdown etc.

I think maybe I need to avoid this board in future...

I agree. It's not a bad thing to be realistic but when people who are feeling down start threads wanting reassurance there's always someone who has to jump in with "get used to the new normal, life is never going to be the same." Fuck off.

I think some people are actually enjoying working from home, not having to see family (I know 2 people who feel this way) or have much, if any social contact. When we went into lockdown, one friend was literally beside herself with excitement. She doesn’t understand why I don’t enjoy it....

@swg1

THANK YOU! You have described exactly how I feel and it is so clarifying to see it written out like that and know there are others who feel the same way.

I think some of my posts, since back in Feb/March, would have been seen as "scaremongering." But all I was saying were thing like "there's no reason to believe this virus won't travel to the UK," and "schools will need to close." All of these things that at the time just genuinely seemed likely to me and of course all of these things did happen as I thought they would. I obviously didn't want any of them to happen, but I saw it coming and felt being prepared would be better than trying to ignore reality and being blindsided.

When others around me are acting as if there is no emergency (the burning house scenario), it makes me extremely anxious because this type of problem requires a collective effort on so many levels. I am desperate for others to see and accept the problem so we can all work together to try to improve our response.

I guess I myself need to work on being more accepting that denial is part of others coping mechanism and everyone is doing the best they can, but I really struggling with this.

The biggest example for me at the moment is schools. I would give a limb for everything to go back to normal and for schools to be open as usual without massively contributing to the spread of CV, but based on what I know about CV and schools it won't be possible. We wasted 6 months of schools being shut NOT preparing for a more sustainable option because everyone wanted to believe it would all be fine to send the kids back 30 to a classroom in September. As cases continue to increase, schools will be scrambling again to develop systems to cope with whatever new measures are put in place and it will be chaos all over again when we could have spent 6 MONTHS preparing.

It's exhausting. I feel like I'm tied to a bunch of other people on a train track. I'm trying to show them the track and tell them about trains and explain that one is coming and will run us right over if we don't sort out how to work together move off this track. But everyone else is telling me that it's probably okay, trains don't sound that bad, even if there is one coming there's nothing we can do about it, just enjoy the weather, stop ruining what could be a nice day with all the doom and gloom...

OP obviously I don't ENJOY the CV or the measures that it will take to control it. It's an absolute nightmare. But I'm desperate for others to see it as such so that we can properly prepare as a society and make it LESS of a nightmare.

Elements of this are

Us4Them and what appear to be Tory bots spamming the site, saying on the one hand

• that the pandemic is hugely over-exaggerated and all we need is for the teachers to get their fingers out and open up schools just as they were - because children don't get/ can't spread covid and on the other hand

• how great is Boris and what a fantastic job they are really making of test and trace.

If someone strongly doesn't agree with these opinions and in fact thinks they are dangerous mistruths, with political intent, then some heated debate might follow.

Part of the picture is that this is an illness with an exponential spread, so rates of various parts of it look very, very low...until suddenly they're not. So people can be discussing the same figures but can be expecting very different outcomes around the corner.

In addition to this, we get rises in cases 4 weeks or so before the consequent rises in deaths.

And we also have a lot of problems with testing availability currently in the UK, so that figures are artificially lowered.

This would account for some of the different perspectives.

I like the figures thread because we are looking together at how to interpret the figures in the most accurate way.

I really don't want the figures to get worse, but it would be really great if there could be some acceptance of sensible measures to get us safely through the next few months. Measures for example that Italy has adopted. Ideally before we have much worse figures. But this may be a forlorn hope.

There's a lot of calling people selfish for doing stuff that's maybe just about going to keep them afloat. Or even wanting to.

Mental health stopped being as important as physical really quickly, didn't it?

I think everyone has sympathy for single mums, new mothers with post natal depression, people with elderly relatives who don’t have long to live, people suffering from depression and other situations where people are living in really tough circumstances.

I think that’s very different from people who say, I absolutely need to see my friends (plural), I’ve given up enough now, I’m over this now, we all have to get it anyway, I hate wearing masks, etc.

I don't know OP.
We're being hit hard here in Birmingham, on local lockdown, can't mix and my son's missing school in his GCSE years due to cases at school. Multiple cases at his sibling's secondary too. 100 schools impacted. Every day I expect a call from my other son's school to say he has to SI like my other son.

Stupid panic buying at the big Tesco.

My relatives in Bristol or Cornwall didn't experience the high cases, panic buying last time or schools issues now so think I am being OTT. I think when you live in an area with few cases it's easier to be more relaxed.

"I think that’s very different from people who say, I absolutely need to see my friends (plural), I’ve given up enough now, I’m over this now, we all have to get it anyway, I hate wearing masks, etc."

You don't know who has depression. DH does (and it's getting worse) and he would say all those things above. Unless you were privy to his medical history, you wouldn't know why he was saying that.

My issue has been more with posters seemingly trying to outdo each other to see who can do lockdown 'properly', people spying on their neighbours and itching to report them, having a go at people for buying what they deemed to be non essentials. A lot of them seemed to have gone quiet, but I'm sure they'll be back now there are new restrictions.

God yes, there are loads of posters on here just loving every minute. They are the Dementors, sucking life and joy from the world. Wetting their pants because their much longed for second wave has appeared. Twitching their curtains to get a chance to snitch on their neighbours. Can only wonder what perverted pleasure they get from it.
I agree that avoiding this board will be a positive step, going to join you in that.

@SheepandCow

Most of us who are pointing out it won't all be over by Christmas (it could've been to a large extent if we'd done what Australia and New Zealand did months ago) are saying, so let's do something about it - to prevent things getting worse. I haven't read all the threads (I guess it's impossible without being on here 24/7) but the ones I'm on don't have any gloating. Quite the opposite. We still have time to take measures to mitigate the damage - but time is of the essence.

Absolutely.

It's not doom mongering or gloating to say that we don't think it will be over by Christmas.
I couldn't believe how many people thought the first lockdown was going to be for 3 weeks-saying the children would definitely be back after Easter etc. when it was blatantly clear that it was going to be longer.

By realising we're in it for the long haul, it's recognising we need to all make sacrifices to get over this as quickly as possible.

swg1 just another that wanted to say thank you for your posts. Absolutely bob on for me, not just in this current situation but life in general. I've been struggling to put it into words how my life has felt this past 2 years and you just did it for me! Thank you 🙏

What I’ve noticed is that if someone tries to express how hard they’re finding restrictions - the usual suspects will do a sorry-not-sorry then point out there’s a pandemic - so you know, Covid is the only problem in town.

It’s a revolting mixture of self importance and lack of empathy.

I don't know, OP. I am extremely worried. I try to take the day as it comes. But there will be suffering over the winter if this next wave is a repeat of (or worse than) the last one. And even if this wave isn't so dire and we get through it, well, the economic impact many haven't quite felt yet will come home to roost. We will all be affected by the economic fallout, some of us worse than others. Even if you're ok, it's shit when others around you are not. Combine this with Brexit and frankly, I think the doom and gloom outlook is pretty justified. Hope for the best. Be prepared for the worst. Put one foot in front of the other and all that. But you see what's happening to people all over the UK and it is grim.

@swg1

You see, different people react in different ways.

I find it tremendously stressful when I know something is going badly and we have to pretend it's not. It's one of the worst things for my anxiety because you have to sit and make plans for things you ABSOLUTELY KNOW are not going to happen or get told off for your negative outlook. It's like sitting in a house that's on fire and everyone around you keeps telling you that you would be much happier if you stopped talking about the possibility of burning to death and ignored it.

This part, the part where actually everyone acknowledges that oh crap, it's back? It's easier. I can plan now, rather than pretending to plan. I can work out what we're actually doing for Christmas rather than pretending it's going to be normal because Boris says the war will be over before Christmas. It feels better.

But I know other people don't feel like that at all and still desperately want to cling to BUT IT MIGHT GET BETTER.

Just because you need to cling to that for your mental health doesn't make someone else's need to accept the situation for their own mental health any less important.

Exactly. It helps my anxiety to plan for the worst be it hope for the best. I don't think saying what you think will happen is bad for MH, especially when it is a realistic fear.

Dismissing everything as 'scaremongering' is not a better way of dealing with anxiety at all in my view

Yes and Piers Morgan is the worst, he positively thrives on it.
I totally understand how shot this situation is but I don't need to be told now, three months early, that I may as well cancel Christmas.
And I also get that some people are very anxious about catching/spreading the virus. But I'm also very anxious about the impact this virus is having on the economy and education and the treatment of non covid illnesses. My anxiety is just as valid as theirs!

See it's the whole AD thing that does my head in, it's not that you have different opinions, it's not that you need support and a positive attitude, it's that it's so obvious that you start threads in the CV board telling people they are affecting your MH for discussing their opinions. Then you all pile on. It feels quite manipulative tbh.

That's why you guys have the AD threads, I know I respect that that's your place and I would never go there and start telling you you're all wrong. But there's no respect from you guys that some people need to discuss this and the CV board is the correct place to do that.

If reading the threads upsets you, don't read them. Please don't name call, deride or belittle other people because they deal with this differently to yourself.

Agree with the pp- we all need to make sacrifices to get through this.

I dislike smug people intently, and I’m afraid that this pandemic has been an absolute gift to some of them.

I know one couple who, when dh expressed worry about losing his job and the dcs’ futures, spouted forth about how due to Covid they were closer than ever (puke), that they are loving their garden and country walks and that they are staying in until there is a vaccine and that they have “absolutely no need” to go out when dh said we’d been to a restaurant.

Yes you are right OP. I have seen a thread on here where a woman was close to suicidal with all of this and people STILL were smugly saying 'we won't ever get a vaccine' etc. Even if you believe it, there is a time and a place and if someone is saying 'well I mayaswell just end it now then cos I cant cope any longer' you dont say that unless you are revelling in it.

There was even a thread asking who had started panic buying... and it wasn’t an admonishing joke !

Oh god yes - the smugness with home improvements/gardening/quality time. Well we both worked FT, so had no time other than to try and do some home schooling.
No doubt someone will be along in a minute to say we should be grateful to have jobs ....

Whatshouldicallme I agree with you.

I tend to lurk rather than post but I don't agree that the majority are revelling in misery at all.

I think a lot of people are being realistic rather than burying their heads in the sand and thinking everything will be over sooner rather than later, then being shocked when it isn't.

Back before the lockdown, the boards were full of people saying it won't happen, everything will be fine. After the lockdown started they were the ones that were adamant that it would be over in a couple of weeks.

The schools issue is another thing that could have been prepared for better by making a plan B rather than just assuming it would all be fine.

I think it would be wise to make alternative plans for Christmas so that they won't be all blindsided again.

I hope I'll be able to actually see my 78 and 80-year-old parents for Xmas, but I'm preparing for the fact that there's a good chance I won't be able to this year.

It is what it is and ignoring it won't make it go away.

@amusedtodeath1

See it's the whole AD thing that does my head in, it's not that you have different opinions, it's not that you need support and a positive attitude, it's that it's so obvious that you start threads in the CV board telling people they are affecting your MH for discussing their opinions. Then you all pile on. It feels quite manipulative tbh.

That's why you guys have the AD threads, I know I respect that that's your place and I would never go there and start telling you you're all wrong. But there's no respect from you guys that some people need to discuss this and the CV board is the correct place to do that.

If reading the threads upsets you, don't read them. Please don't name call, deride or belittle other people because they deal with this differently to yourself.

What is AD?

Most of the people I know are doing their best to stay safe but getting on with life & working within the rules. It’s only on here that there is a level of misery and doomsday forecasting that is unhealthy for people’s mental health.
It used to be the Brexit topics and now it’s coronavirus. Best avoided if you want to retain some peace of mind during this pandemic.