I’m struggling. Will Manchester ever come out of local lockdown?

[Napqueen1234]

My mental health is rapidly deteriorating. We are in local lockdown, have been for a few weeks. We are following it to the letter- I know lots aren’t. Cases are just rising anyway so I can’t see them loosening only tightening them. My family live elsewhere in the country and can still meet up and see each other (under rule of 6). I’m getting more and more depressed and feel so alone. Two small kids so can’t anyone other than similar parents in outside spaces but no one with my husband as our friends all have kids so would take it over 6. Can’t see family for what, the next 6 months? I feel completely hopeless. I don’t think I will make it to Christmas I have had bad PND which got better but I’m rapidly deteriorating again and have little to live for.

You need to contact your GP (or MH team of you are under one) and let them know how you are feeling. You have plenty to live for - your beautiful children, your husband and your parents who would be lost without you, no doubt. Come on, telephone your GP or Mind or Rethink or the Samaritans or your parents or your husband or your friends, even 999 if you could do with some help. Let others know so that they can support you.

You can get through this. You just need some help to do so.

Hello OP,

we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thank you @Itsabeautifuldayheyhey. I did that I got the counselling took the pills last time. All the did was say focus on what you can control. I can’t control anything. I can’t not see my family for 6 months. My children don’t need a miserable mother who cries constantly. It’s putting strain on my marriage I feel so sad for DH coping with covid, small kids and me too. It’s too much.

Your MH is more important that the rule of 6.
Do what you can to mitigate the impact of the lockdown without being too risky.

Why can't you meet your family outside? Go for a walk together?

Op, I’m in Manchester too. I haven’t done anything nice since March. I’ve seen my friends 3 times. My family all live in another country too. It really is terrible for our mental health. I try my best to be positive but sometimes I get very low. The only thing which has worked for me are long walks ending with going to a cafe somewhere.

@Floatyboat my family live 4 hours away and I have two kids under 3 so it would just be really difficult even to meet them halfway to only be allowed outside, especially with winter and unpredictable/colder weather. Thank you @wedidntstartthefires I think perhaps if I get so desperate I feel truly suicidal again I may go and stay with my parents (with husband and kids) for support if needed. I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Are you able to travel? There is absolutely no attempt being made to prevent those of us from GM seeing family outside the lockdown area even though the regs forbid it.

I’m sorry @Mistlewoeandwhine it’s so hard isn’t it. Sending love. I wish we had could have the rule of 6! Feeling so envious of the rest of the country.

@OpenlyGayExOlympicFencer I can travel but I just worry about being stopped and fined. I also worry as we are a high risk area and DC1 is in nursery I would hate to infect my parents (or indeed anyone) and cause an outbreak in their very low numbers area.

Would you actually be able to go and move in with your parents or similar?

You are unwell and vulnerable so moving there for a few months is permitted. Obviously everyone should isolate when you go for 2 weeks in case you've taken it with you but it's and option.

@RandomMess thank you for replying we have considered it but I work part time, DH is wfh but has to go in a couple of times a week and my parents both still work so them self isolating for two weeks would be hard. I think if I get bad enough to get signed off work I would consider it but work is a bit of a lifeline for me at the moment so I’m keen to stay.

Your kids want you. It doesn't matter if you are crying to get through the days, there is no one who can replace you.
You won't be fined for travelling so go see your family if you want to. But if you can't, then it is so important to find something to do as a distraction. Seek into your heart what your hobbies are, even if it's painting, gardening, growing indoor succulents, there must be something but don't let the situation happening win over you. When I went through a tough few years and came out of it, the one thing that shocked me was my lack of understanding about people living in camps etc abroad through no fault of their own. For me, seeing people worse off than me brought me to reality. This may not help you right now but the wider picture out there does ground us more and honestly, your kids love you and want you. You are the world to them.

[quote Napqueen1234]@OpenlyGayExOlympicFencer I can travel but I just worry about being stopped and fined. I also worry as we are a high risk area and DC1 is in nursery I would hate to infect my parents (or indeed anyone) and cause an outbreak in their very low numbers area.[/quote]
The odds of you being stopped and fined are remote, especially as we're allowed to travel anyway. There's no rule saying a Manchester resident can't do a 4 hour journey whilst potentially asymptomatic and stopping in a dozen service stations along the way, you just can't go in anyone's house. If you were stopped, presumably you'd just lie. Obviously though if you don't feel comfortable doing it that's 100% fair enough.

This won't be forever. You and your kids and dh can get through this on your own. You have each other. It's hard but you need to find things you can do to help cope. What things can you do to make things easier for you? Can you factor in some enjoyable things in your day even if it's just watching your favourite programme on tv. Try and just think about small things you can do rather than looking at the "big picture" and what's going on around you. We still have the basic things we need, food, shelter, freedom to exercise etc and even some entertainment. I'm not saying don't seek help but there must be somewhere you can draw on in your inner resources to improve your outlook on this. I know this sounds silly but buying something really simple like a bath bomb for the kids could make things more fun, start writing some lists of some fun things you could do yourself and with the kids and aim to do one every day or every other day for example.

Also I would meet your parents for a one off visit. Can you go alone to meet them? That would be less people and you wouldn't have the worry about the children social distancing if that concerns you. The likelihood of you being stopped and fined is extremely slim. And even if you got fined maybe it's worth it to see them. Or meet up with your parents at an outdoor place with the kids. The likelihood of them catching covid from an outside visit from you or you being fined is extremely low.

@Spinakker thank you for the advice and yes I think this is the way to go. When I was having the counselling last time she told me to focus on the positives, make the most of what I could do and try to let go of what I couldn’t. This worked well as we were coming out of lockdown so I could meet friends, have people over etc (within the rules) whereas that’s all been whipped away. I’m a planner and struggling to not have anything to look forward to. DH had a big birthday and wasn’t bothered but I was so sad his party and celebrations were cancelled. I just can’t shake the negatives and the positives seem so crap (cook a nice meal, have a bath). I’ve had so many bloody baths and I still don’t want to live this life.

Do you have some friends locally OP? I’m in local lockdown as well & that’s mostly what’s keeping me sane. I meet up with friends for a walk with their kids.. I think it’s probably against the guidance but my mental health takes precedent quite frankly. We distance as much as we can. The risks outdoors are very minimal in my opinion. Could your OH watch the kids & you go for a catch up? The power of an hour with a friend is huge for me. A gossip, a laugh, a kind ear!

There’s no rules saying you can’t travel? Where’s the fine idea come from? I’m currently on holiday at the coast .. we’ve travelled from Yorkshire. We are just as a family which is completely in the rules.

Are you able to have a little holiday? Take some time off work & go to the coast? Or whatever you enjoy? There’s loadsa stuff open for kids, country parks, parks, swimming pools, even theme parks. We are having a lovely holiday. It feels almost normal.

A big hug. Please put your mental health first no matter what you choose. 🧡

Thank you @Bol87 💕 enjoy your holiday