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Original poster

WWYD - Visit To Family

51 replies

CovidDilemma · 21/09/2020 22:32

I'm really going back and forth on this, so braving the vipers. NC as identifying.

We live in NI, I'm from Dublin. We had booked a week in Dublin near my parents for early October. My dad was diagnosed with cancer in early July, a couple of days after our DC2 was born. We don't know his prognosis yet but I'm not optimistic tbh.

The trip in Oct was booked to be a couple of weeks after his first lot of treatment, in the hopes he would be well enough to see a fair bit of us. We've booked an apartment so we're not staying with my parents.

Dublin now has more restrictions, and travel in or out of the county is banned. I'm not sure what our position is coming from NI, but clearly in the spirit of the regulations we shouldn't travel. As things currently stand we wouldn't be breaking any NI rules by traveling. Once there, we could just visit my parents indoors (allowed), although we'd likely see at least one friend for a walk. We would like to go for the odd meal out but most places are closed, no big deal.

I really don't know what to do. If we decide not to go, we can postpone without losing any money. But who knows if we'll manage to get a date that suits DH's work and dad's treatment and any later covid restrictions.

I really don't know what to do. I think we all need to do our bit, and I'm happy to make sacrifices (two full-time jobs and no childcare during lockdown, DH only visiting for an hour a day when we had DC2 etc), but this could be my dad's last chance to spend time with our DC (only grandchildren and much adored) while in reasonable health. We video call a lot, but it's not the same. He's only met DC2 once. OTOH, that may prove to be melodramatic.

My mum has no support nearby as my only other sibling lives a flight away. She's awesome and coping well, but I'd still like to get a proper chat with her and give her a bit of a lift as well as dad.

WWYD MN? Go and break the rules, or stay home and do our bit.

OP posts:
Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 22/09/2020 00:54

I'd stay home. For a start, if travel in and out of the county is banned:

  1. How are you planning to travel there?
  2. Are the police going to have roadchecks?
  3. Visiting a couple of weeks after treatment is probably a bad time to pick (if talking chemo).
emptyshelvesagain · 22/09/2020 01:04

Dublin now has more restrictions, and travel in or out of the county is banned.

The rest of your post is irrelevant really, you can't go.

seayork2020 · 22/09/2020 01:14

If the rules state you can't go why are you asking the question?

I don't think the rules state 'rules are there but if you really want to do something it is ok just do it'

Original poster
CovidDilemma · 22/09/2020 03:24

Because the rules allow essential travel, and because my dad might be dying and this might be his last chance to properly play with his grandkids.

OP posts:
starfish4 · 22/09/2020 04:52

If it were just you going because say elderly parents needed daily support, you might qualify. Putting aside restrictions, as your Dad isn't well, you'd all have to isolate before seeing him, as getting Covid would out his treatment back. Also, no seeing a friend or eating out.

I don't think any lockdown will go in as long as before, as it'll be a balance of lives, economy and mental well being.

quiet01 · 22/09/2020 05:02

Talk to your parents. What do they want? My gut feeling is I'd go, but no option is risk free.

frogsarejumpy · 22/09/2020 05:03

I would definitely say go, provided your dad and mum are fully aware of possible consequences ( getting the virus) and willing to still have you visit. It needs to be a decision you make together or it risks being selfish. I’m sorry but the above posters only considering the travel “banned” part of your post are lacking in reason and compassion imo.
There are exceptions to “rules” for just these type of situations.

Temple29 · 22/09/2020 05:24

Sorry but I wouldn’t go. I would worry about your dad contracting the virus and he is in a more vulnerable category now.

I live quite close to Dublin and they’ve said there will be extra checkpoints for going in and out of the county.

Original poster
CovidDilemma · 22/09/2020 06:55

Thanks for the more compassionate replies, I'm glad some people can see why I'm debating this!

If this trip was just booked for funsies and dad was well or had a great prognosis, I'd have already cancelled.

Similarly, all parties had discussed covid and their willingness to meet up when the trip was booked, which was just a couple of weeks ago. Dad is obviously very ill, but for now he's pretty well in himself and has been going to his local pub on the days his treatment schedule allows so it's not like he's in some hermetically sealed bubble. DD1 is in nursery, but other than that our risk is pretty low with DH wfh and me on maternity, so it's not like we're a teacher and a nurse with loads of contracts or anything.

I can't shake the feeling that if we cancel we'll just regret it down the line and think of it as a wasted opportunity for time together. But I'm really not one to break the rules, and I do think we all need to be careful.

Gah gah gah. Going round and round in circles. Thanks for the replies, it's helpful to see other views.

OP posts:
Original poster
CovidDilemma · 22/09/2020 06:59

Oh, and I've debated asking them. They want us to come, I know that. But they see it as a risk to us to bring the kids to an area with higher rates (not actually sure if that's the case). I feel like it's not fair to put my indecision on them. I need to either say "I'm sorry, we've decided to cancel" or "we're still willing to come, are you happy to take the risk" and have the conversation then.

OP posts:
WisestIsShe · 22/09/2020 07:00

I wouldn't go because I wouldn't want to risk exposing your dad to the virus if you or one of your children are carrying it.
Such a tough call to make though.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 22/09/2020 07:05

My mum died in 2004, when I was 36 weeks pregnant with her first grandchild. I would go. Just go. If possible quarantine for two weeks before you go.

If I were your Dad I would 100% want to see you.

Yetiyoga · 22/09/2020 07:07

Sorry but I probably wouldn't go right now. For several reasons.

  1. Travel is banned.
  2. You are at an increased risk because your child is at nursery. There is NO distancing in nurseries and those kids could be mixing with anyone outside of nursery!
  3. Your dad may be going to the pub but he can keep his distance more. I assume your children would get close to him.

I would go when cases have started lowering again. See if you can isolate for a week or so before going.

Eyewhisker · 22/09/2020 07:08

This is the problem with these rules. Many people will die without seeing family because of them. If your dad is dying and really wants to see you, I would do it. I am so glad we took flights this summer to see family, even though others call it ‘selfish’. My elderly relatives do not want to live life without family.

Yetiyoga · 22/09/2020 07:11

Actually. On second thoughts. I would do it.

It is easy for us to say this as an outsider. But if I thought it could be some of the last times with my dad I would go.
Big hugs.

redlockscelt · 22/09/2020 07:13

@CovidDilemma

Because the rules allow essential travel, and because my dad might be dying and this might be his last chance to properly play with his grandkids.
If he's going to have chemotherapy it's best he doesn't see the children because if he picks up any bug they won't do the chemotherapy, the hospital told my mum not to see her grandchildren
trappedsincesundaymorn · 22/09/2020 07:14

Can you apply for a compassionate visit due to your dad's cancer? My sister has applied to her govt for permission to fly here because of the same reason. Surely nobody is heartless enough to deny you the right to be with you dad right now. I'm guessing those that are saying you shouldn't would be doing exactly the same thing if they were in your shoes.

Redcups64 · 22/09/2020 07:14

If I was you I would just ask my dad, it’s up to him really if he wants to meet his grandchild and endure the possible risk.

MrsBrunch · 22/09/2020 07:15

If all the millions of people who have a good reason to break the rules do so, this virus will spread even faster. Protect your dad, yourself and others. Don't go.

beela · 22/09/2020 07:17

I think in your position would go, but take dd out of nursery for the two weeks beforehand.

Landlubber2019 · 22/09/2020 07:19

We saw my in laws last week, dc2 had a snuffle and so I offered to stay home with dc2 whilst they would see the rest of the family. They took the risk and have really paid the price, both parents have subsequently been very poorly with a nasty cold. I shouldn't have asked them if we should go, I should have taken responsibility and stayed at home.

Despite all this I would go to see your dad, but just me and the new baby (assuming baby is a contented easy baby) toddlers are hard work and your dad is ill.

BlueJava · 22/09/2020 08:15

The only risk I'd worry about is your dad - and he is still going down the pub so he's probably not that worried about CV19. I'd isolate beforehand as much as possible and go.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/09/2020 08:21

How does the travel ban work?

Ylvamoon · 22/09/2020 08:29

Go! I have recently been to see my grandad who is very ill ... it was a 700 mile round trip.
Just reduce all social contacts to the absolute essential 2 weeks before travelling!
Travel by car make sure one tank full gets you there. Take your own food if possible. If you need to stop, do so on small parking / layby on motorway... avoid larger service stations.
Keep yourself safe, stick religiously to hygiene rules, mask wearing and social distancing. Once there, be a "bubble" with your mum and dad.
It's a difficult time... but nobody can stop you seeing your family.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/09/2020 08:31

If there are checkpoints they might @Ylvamoon

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