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Original poster

SIL has invited us to lunch....what do we do?

39 replies

whattodo2019 · 14/09/2020 21:38

My SIL hasn't contacted me all year. Yesterday she sent me a text inviting me, DH and DS to lunch with her 3 DC and her DH. Total of 8 people. We are in England btw.

I don't have a great relationship with her and instantly wanted to decline the invite but we were given so many possibly dates I couldn't. However, it is simple. I have to say no due to the new Covid guidelines and not meeting in groups over 6.

But, I feel pressurised into going to her house and feel it is difficult to say no as they are obviously going to be flouting the laws.

My SIL works in a school as a teacher and I work in a school doing admin. If I came down with something it would be a disaster for my family and also my job/ school...

Yet why do I feel scared to say no and point this out to her.....

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 14/09/2020 21:43

Why is it your problem? Surely it’s for DH to sort? His family, his problem.

My brother’s partner invited us to a gathering before the rule change. We declined it as didn’t feel comfortable (as they’d been doing lots of risky things), she had a huff. I didn’t give it another thought!

Redolent · 14/09/2020 21:44

Don’t overthink it. Block out the guilt-tripping thoughts in your mind, the pressures, and write out the reply quickly, saying how kind she is and what a shame that this new legislation has come in but that you look forward to seeing them when the situation improves. Two minutes, send, done.

Original poster
whattodo2019 · 14/09/2020 21:46

@Megan2018

Why is it your problem? Surely it’s for DH to sort? His family, his problem.

My brother’s partner invited us to a gathering before the rule change. We declined it as didn’t feel comfortable (as they’d been doing lots of risky things), she had a huff. I didn’t give it another thought!

I totally agree. Why can't my DH sort it out???? Probably because my SIL contacted me (we are married to the brothers) and if I'm honest no one on their family likes to rock the boat. I am going to have to send a text to say we don't feel it's appropriate meeting up. She is one of the most intelligent women I know, so I just wish she hadn't asked us and put us in this ridiculous situation .
OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 14/09/2020 21:46

Just say no. It's not a summons!

Original poster
whattodo2019 · 14/09/2020 21:47

@Redolent

Don’t overthink it. Block out the guilt-tripping thoughts in your mind, the pressures, and write out the reply quickly, saying how kind she is and what a shame that this new legislation has come in but that you look forward to seeing them when the situation improves. Two minutes, send, done.
You a right. I'm going to do just that! Thanks
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 14/09/2020 21:47

Just say no.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 14/09/2020 21:50

Well if she hasn’t contacted you all year they’re not that keen to see you. Is it possible she knows you’re going to say no?

Maskedcrusader · 14/09/2020 21:50

1 : yes that would be lovely this date works for us

2: That sounds lovely but we are keeping our bubble small and with the recent changes I wouldn't feel comfortable meeting up at the moment. Hopefully things will change and we can get together later in the year.

Neolara · 14/09/2020 21:51

Could you suggest you and your dh going out to a restaurant with sil and her DH instead? (And yes, I know this is completely ridiculous as it means more mixing than if you'd just gone round to theirs, but at least it would be legal.)

Mumratheevergiving · 14/09/2020 21:55

Well it would have been fine & within the law in England yesterday. If the children are under 12 it would be fine in Scotland or Wales still. In her 'flouting' of the law it's not like she's suggesting a mass rave. You are perfectly entitled to say as it doesn't meet the new Covid rules you wouldn't feel comfortable being in a group of more than 6 at present (& for what it's worth I think you are being sensible to limit your social contacts at the moment) Just politely decline.

MJMG2015 · 14/09/2020 21:57

It's time for a wee PA reply

' What a shame the SIX law is now in place. All this time the 'two families' rule was in place this would have been fine. Let's look at it again when the rules permit such gatherings. I'd hate to be the one to close the school down'

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 14/09/2020 22:01

‘Dear SIL, What a lovely invitation, thank you so much. Unfortunately with the latest Covid rules we can’t yet commit to a date but would love to see you as soon as it it safer to do so.’

Yes, your DH should sort it but in the meantime maybe a message like the above is a kind way of saying not now.

Mumratheevergiving · 14/09/2020 22:05

@MJMG2015

It's time for a wee PA reply

' What a shame the SIX law is now in place. All this time the 'two families' rule was in place this would have been fine. Let's look at it again when the rules permit such gatherings. I'd hate to be the one to close the school down'

Not much passive in that response!
wishywashywoowoo70 · 14/09/2020 22:20

Why hasn't she been in touch all year?

deste · 14/09/2020 22:33

I thought children under twelve don’t count.

PurpleDaisies · 14/09/2020 22:34

The count in England @deste

onlinelinda · 14/09/2020 22:39

Say you don't feel comfortable. Not that you don't think it's appropriate.

gower4 · 14/09/2020 22:41

Just keep it simple: "Thank you, but the new Covid rules mean that we can't. Hope to see you soon."
Job done!

Honeyroar · 14/09/2020 22:45

Weirdly my sil has invited us to a family meal with her three children and their spouses/kids this weekend too. She too works in a school. Luckily I’ve a good excuse anyway so didn’t have to have the discussion!

MayFayre · 14/09/2020 22:46

“That would have been lovely but we can’t under the new rules. When the rules change again it would be nice to catch up”

Concerned7777 · 14/09/2020 22:47

Sounds like you don't want to go anyway regardless of the current restrictions, I'd use the covid to full advantage as a reason not to go. Decline the invite and don't think about it again if SIL has a problem get her to take it up with your DH

Realitea · 15/09/2020 07:19

Just say it’s illegal and you’re not going. I’ve been in the same position quite a few times already with IL’s wanting to meet up. We say no every time. Hopefully they’ll see sense at some point

Eddielzzard · 15/09/2020 07:27

Weird that she waited until you had to say no.... She's expecting you to so she can say she's done her duty but you declined. That's what I think's going on.

redcarbluecar · 15/09/2020 07:31

I agree with PP saying don't overthink it, just say no. You don't need to be sanctimonious or remind her that what she's proposed is "illegal"; just say that you'll look forward to meeting up when things are a bit less restricted. I don't think people should be pressurising others to break rules.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 15/09/2020 07:41

“Hi SIL. Unfortunately we can’t because of “rule of six”. However, I have had a very clever thought. I could drop Fred and George round at yours for lunch with Percy and the kids, pick you up and you and I could go and have lunch out. That would make them six, us only two and us all well within the rules. Plus - no one will try and eat the chocolate torte I am planning on having for pudding! What do you reckon - evil but brilliant????”

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