SIL has invited us to lunch....what do we do?

[whattodo2019]

My SIL hasn't contacted me all year. Yesterday she sent me a text inviting me, DH and DS to lunch with her 3 DC and her DH. Total of 8 people. We are in England btw.

I don't have a great relationship with her and instantly wanted to decline the invite but we were given so many possibly dates I couldn't. However, it is simple. I have to say no due to the new Covid guidelines and not meeting in groups over 6.

But, I feel pressurised into going to her house and feel it is difficult to say no as they are obviously going to be flouting the laws.

My SIL works in a school as a teacher and I work in a school doing admin. If I came down with something it would be a disaster for my family and also my job/ school...

Yet why do I feel scared to say no and point this out to her.....

Hi SIL thanks for the dinner invite. Unfortunately we would be over the maximum of six, however, if we give it a few days the kids may not be included and if this is the case would love to come.

@Mumoftwoyoungkids

“Hi SIL. Unfortunately we can’t because of “rule of six”. However, I have had a very clever thought. I could drop Fred and George round at yours for lunch with Percy and the kids, pick you up and you and I could go and have lunch out. That would make them six, us only two and us all well within the rules. Plus - no one will try and eat the chocolate torte I am planning on having for pudding! What do you reckon - evil but brilliant????”

Genius

Tell her you’re abit worried about numbers?

@Eddielzzard I think you are right neither of them wants to see the other so the ‘rule’ allows an invitation that can’t be taken up. OP is glad to have reason not to go. So it works out for OP & her SiL.

“Hi SIL. Unfortunately we can’t because of “rule of six”. However, I have had a very clever thought. I could drop Fred and George round at yours for lunch with Percy and the kids, pick you up and you and I could go and have lunch out. That would make them six, us only two and us all well within the rules. Plus - no one will try and eat the chocolate torte I am planning on having for pudding! What do you reckon - evil but brilliant????”

Genius

Well, apart from the fact that they don't like each other, so no idea why they'd want to have a lunch on their own?

Why are you behaving in this subordinate manner?
Does she outrank you?

maybe she invited you expecting/hoping you to turn it down but she did her bit to invite you iyswim. Tick box exercise?

bit ridiculous that as a grown up, you are scared to turn down an invitation to a person you are not keen on visiting esp when it breaks current law.

@Heffalooomia the OP says she doesn't have a great relationship with her SIL. She even answered her own question it is simple. I have to say no

She may well have posted to seek affirmation of her view that her SIL is a terribly irresponsible person (despite the fact that what the SIL suggested would have been fine 2 days ago or still within the 'rules' in Wales or Scotland).

It's against the law. Shes being a twat. Say no. I'm not going against it so that we don't set a bad example to our kids.

I don't like my sil and am please I have an excuse avoid everything for a while now!

We're a 5 so only 1 at a time now!

@Eddielzzard

Weird that she waited until you had to say no.... She's expecting you to so she can say she's done her duty but you declined. That's what I think's going on.

Strangely she replied and said she had t thought about Covid!!

@Whitney168

“Hi SIL. Unfortunately we can’t because of “rule of six”. However, I have had a very clever thought. I could drop Fred and George round at yours for lunch with Percy and the kids, pick you up and you and I could go and have lunch out. That would make them six, us only two and us all well within the rules. Plus - no one will try and eat the chocolate torte I am planning on having for pudding! What do you reckon - evil but brilliant????”

Genius

Well, apart from the fact that they don't like each other, so no idea why they'd want to have a lunch on their own?

Yes you are spot on! Although my SIL lacks emotion so she won't be thinking like me.... Erh

@Heffalooomia

Why are you behaving in this subordinate manner? Does she outrank you?

I honestly don't know. I'm a professional mis 40 yr old woman. By nature I find it hard to say no to people. I wasn't quick enough when I first got the invite to say 'we can't meet up due to numbers' and despite being a teacher herself it seems to have passed her by. ...

"Sods law!!! All this time two families have been allowed to meet, and when we hope to arrange something, the rule of 6 comes in!!! I'm not normally one to be a huge stickler for the rules but as we both work in schools I feel I should do my bit at least. Can we hope this goes away soon and arrange as soon as it does? Thanks for the invite"

Or. Depending on if your children can be left alone

"Sounds great, shall we leave the kids at home
And go out for dinner just the four of us?"

How can you be scared of someone you haven't seen all year? You don't like her, you don't want to go, you say no.