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Advice needed - upcoming birthday party

65 replies

Mum1012 · 12/09/2020 12:21

Hello all

I am seeking some advice
We have a birthday party booked for our 3yo in a few weeks. We have exclusive hire of a soft play for 25 kids (all from his pre-school who he spends 3 days a week with).
All parents (one per child) are to sit at socially distanced tables with masks unless actively eating or drinking.

The soft play said that we can go ahead as it is the bubble is is with at school anyway and they are a Covid secure venue and all adults will be at separate tables.

The reality is that we could all go, separately but at the same time and have no issues at all. But the fact that is is a ‘party’ is troubling me and making me think people won’t want to come or judge us.
Personally I think this is a lot safer as it is just the children he is with three times a week anyway and all parents will be sat one per table.

Which is obviously way safer than 30 random kids at soft play at any given session but somehow this isn’t frowned upon!!

Opinions please.

Thank you!

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 12/09/2020 15:55

@FusionChef Geoff Thankyou . Could you please pop your reply to this question on to all the other threads about parties and perceived irrationality of the rules.

londonscalling · 12/09/2020 17:15

You're having a party for 25 three year olds in the middle of a pandemic? Jeez!

IrisPurple · 12/09/2020 17:54

I am absolutely stunned.

Have you checked with the venue since the rule of 6 was announced? Children are not exempt and you risk a fine, as do your guests, and the soft play risks getting shut down. Its totally irrelevant that they're in contact at nyrsery, the rule makes no allowance for that. I don't blame you - of course you'd just go with what you're told by the venue.

I had my 3yo daughter's birthday party at a soft play last year, we had a party room for the food and it was very cramped. There's no way kids could go in there without parents. Like others have said, kids get shy, fall out, get upset, need a wee etc etc.

It's horrible having to see our children disappointed. And its a slap in the face that in Scotland and Wales our children can still have a party. The rule of 6 does not affect a single thing that I want to do, but it means my 4 yo cannot have a party. All she wants is to have all her friends and jump around and scream with them. I was going to put up a gazebo in the park and invite all her friends. She is going to be so upset Sad

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/09/2020 17:56

The social gathering restrictions are to keep schools and businesses open- but the issue I have here is the OP is supporting a legally opened business- whether 25 kids at a soft play know eachother or not seems irrelevant by common sense.

Figgygal · 12/09/2020 17:57

I have a 3 turning 4 year old
His bday is in October his brothers bday is in December both know there’s no parties this year
I wouldn’t go to your party either Nursery bubble or not

RedskyAtnight · 12/09/2020 18:10

And its a slap in the face that in Scotland and Wales our children can still have a party.

Not so - this would not be allowed in Scotland (only 2 households) or Wales (only people from extended household) either.

Lucindainthesky · 12/09/2020 18:22

Tbh I don't think OP will end up breaking the law, because I can't imagine more than 6 families being stupid enough to attend a soft play party at present.

IrisPurple · 12/09/2020 18:26

Oh, I'm sorry I'd got that wrong Confused I hadn't realised you were limited to 2 households. Of course I hadn't assumed Scotland would allow 50 person parties in a soft play either! Grin

I still can't get my head round that I can have a party with 5 of my friends but my daughter is not allowed a party. They're still so young that they need a parent with them if I had them at my house. Thanks to lockdown they don't know me or my house well enough. My little girl has been talking about her party all year Sad

FelicityPike · 13/09/2020 07:44

Of course I hadn't assumed Scotland would allow 50 person parties in a soft play either! grin

Our soft play are still closed.

Barbie222 · 13/09/2020 07:53

No, no and no. When did you book this party? Didn't it occur to you that it wouldn't be a good plan this year?

windyautumn · 13/09/2020 08:41

How will you make sure all these small children will stay away from each other? And in doing so, what's the point of it being a 'party' when you have to keep telling children not to play together?

Of course the venue will tell you what you want to hear but on the day it'll be up to you to ensure it abides by the rules or the venue will have to ask you to leave or they run the risk of being reported by another family there and getting fined or closed down etc.

This 'but, but, but' and making situations fit your own idea of the rules is getting ridiculous.

Danglingmod · 13/09/2020 08:48

IrisPurple - your daughter can still have a party. It just has to be four friends instead of your five, because she needs an adult to facilitate it.

RedToothBrush · 13/09/2020 09:35

The venue need to be able to tell you under which exemption this falls if they are saying it can go ahead as its a single booking for one party. It doesn't. Its illegal.

Its a gathering of more than 6. Which isn't under the exemption list. Even weddings are only allowed 30 for a ceremony under the exemptions. And not for a reception. You are talking 25 children plus a parent. Thats 50.

In what way do you think this is legal? I'm genuinely curious.

And the problem is the adults who, even if they are sat on separate tables WILL NOT adhere to the rest of the new laws whilst in the venue which is why the situation isnt allowed.

The law EXPLICITLY states that if you see people you know whilst going out (to restaurant, pub etc) you are not to interact with them. How will you manage that? The whole fucking point of a party is to see other people you know. The venue to be covid safe much have a set up to ensure and enforce this.

Any venue has a legal obligation to enforce this rule as of Monday. Why would you want to go to a venue with a very lack attitude to being covid secure?

The problem here is less about the children who are in the same bubble, but the parents who will be incapable of just sitting staring at their coffee without nattering at other parents on other tables. And before too long musical chairs will ensue 'because they are all in the same bubble anyway'. And thats the problem. Children are thought to have lower transmission rates which slow / inhibit the spread (though they do get it). Adults are a different matter.

Tbh i think you are just looking for someone to say how its fine so you can feel fine about it and justify it to other parents. Rather than acting like a grown up and accepting that unfortunately this can't happen anymore.

If the venue are telling you different about how its fine to proceed they are lying to protect their income / refuse giving you a refund.

What is their covid plan to enforce parents remaining on their separate tables and not talking to each other and for very young children to not interact with other children they know well (they tend to be more hestitate around unfamiliar children)?

If you have a good answer to that problem, be sure to share it on here because i suspect a lot of other venues would be keen to know it.

You are also putting other parents in a really awkward position by asking them to be willing to break the law. Or turn down going to a party which they gave previously said they will attend. What happens if there is an outbreak at the venue that you are caught up in? I know a couple of parents who are teachers who have been told in no uncertain terms if they are found to have breached rules they face formal disciplinaries at school (in part because they have to enforce rules at school and setting an example is an important part if that). You might upset other parents with this and create real tensions going forward regardless of whether they actually turn up or not. Some people are more relaxed about things but others very concerned about the situation or vulnerable relatives. If you proceed, how do you know you wont get a pissed off / upset parent reporting you / the venue? (Perhaps because they ultimately have some obligation to do so with their job as this would fall under safeguarding).

I am baffled by why you think in any way this is fine and you can just carry on as normal.

Its one thing for people to be talking about breaking the rules with 7 or 8 people meeting up in a back garden and another to be still be proposing parties for 50 (which still wouldn't have been legal before the tightening of the restrictions I might add).

No and just no.

RedToothBrush · 13/09/2020 09:40

And just to emphasise. This isnt a party for 25. Its a party for 50. At least. Assuming all children including the one whose birthday it is only have one parent and no siblings there.

Friendsoftheearth · 13/09/2020 09:43

I would go ahead, absolutely.

He can invite two friends with a parent that makes up the six and socially distance the parents.

That is the very most of what I would do currently.

You seem to be missing the point, yes they are in nursery bubbles already so that is a risk, you now add the soft play and you are just doubling your risk all of the time, with every child you invite.

To put into context, we are just doing school and very little else, because already our exposure has been increased substantially already. The idea is to stop the spread so we don't see tens of thousands die.

You are being ridiculous given he is only three years of age and really won't care either way!!! A few friends, a cake and some presents, job done.

I imagine the other parents will be horrified that you are even suggesting this to them. There is no way on god's earth I would ever accept.

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