Advice needed - upcoming birthday party

[Mum1012]

Hello all

I am seeking some advice
We have a birthday party booked for our 3yo in a few weeks. We have exclusive hire of a soft play for 25 kids (all from his pre-school who he spends 3 days a week with).
All parents (one per child) are to sit at socially distanced tables with masks unless actively eating or drinking.

The soft play said that we can go ahead as it is the bubble is is with at school anyway and they are a Covid secure venue and all adults will be at separate tables.

The reality is that we could all go, separately but at the same time and have no issues at all. But the fact that is is a ‘party’ is troubling me and making me think people won’t want to come or judge us.
Personally I think this is a lot safer as it is just the children he is with three times a week anyway and all parents will be sat one per table.

Which is obviously way safer than 30 random kids at soft play at any given session but somehow this isn’t frowned upon!!

Opinions please.

Thank you!

It's completely illegal, but even without that - just because the children share germs three times a week at preschool it doesn't mean you won't still be creating new opportunities for the virus to spread. They'll be in a different building, doing different things. Any infectious child who by the next preschool day might have had a temperature picked up on and be kept off will be doing extra mixing when they could pass the virus on. Even with parents theoretically sitting apart, it will be hard for them not to be close when arriving and leaving or getting food and drink. And you'll be depending completely on the soft play staff having really properly cleaned everything and not missed any thing before and after your party happens - otherwise you've got opportunities to catch and spread infection between your guests and all the kids playing before and after. All guests and parents will also be making extra contacts that could spread infections by sharing indoor space with soft play staff.

I'd be amazed if it will even still be an option in a few weeks time, but if it is, I really hope you do the responsible thing and consider cancelling. We're just not there yet - nonessential parties for 25 three year olds are surely something for when we've properly got a grip on the pandemic, not when we're going into the first winter with cases again rising fast? Old kids need schools to have a chance of staying open, so unnecessary parties for preschoolers that could put that at risk really shouldn't be happening.

I find it odd to think you are breaking the law if you are using a legally opened business and the kids are bubbles anyway.
I’d go ahead

They are in bubbles inside playschool where it is a safe controlled area, but in a soft play centre. You will be breaking the law if you go ahead with this.

I’m in Wales so not really following the English guidance. Even before any change in guidance, surely having 50 people in one indoors space isn’t a great idea just now.

Do young kids in England need to maintain social distancing? If so that was never going to happen, irrespective of any nursery ’bubble’.

We all have things that we’d like to be able to do, but if we need to think that carefully about how we can do things and justify how we’re not breaking the rules (law) then it’s probably not a good idea in the first place.

It is not illegal! As long as the venue is Covid secure and all people (inc. children) stay in bubbles of 6, not mixing then it is fine.
I was at a soft play yesterday. No more than 6 to a table, masks worn when moving around the venue and the children ran around. They had stripped back the facilities so there were no ball pools, baby toys etc and everything was cleaned before and after.
It was great actually! Less people so not so manic and noisy.

Are you for real OP?

Whilst it may be safer on reality than Lots of separate groups went in it is against guidelines, and the spirit of the guidelines. It is a party, the very definition of a gathering. They may have found a loophole (sport?) that allows it, but given the precarious position we’re in at the moment it’s irresponsible and I would be concerned about how much notice they are taking of the other Covid secure guidelines.

Do you really want to put yourself at risk of being the one responsible for spreading Covid to your DCs nursery group, aside from possible illness and spread to vulnerable people, causing huge disruption to their business as well as the parents and siblings having to isolate for 14 days. Your 3 yo will not remember this birthday party in years to come. It really is not worth the risk.

I'm just shocked you booked a party for 25 3 year olds in the midst of a pandemic

@Ohchristmastreeohchristmastree

Are you for real OP?

No I’m a figment if your imagination.

Clearly we didn’t book it recently.

I had the same planned for 2 of my children 5 & under in March. One had been looking forward to it for so long. It was the week before lockdown. I cancelled by choice. It felt like the right thing to do and everyone understood including my daughter.
There are more important things. There will be more birthdays.

They let us move it to next year and gave us all but the deposit back

I really don't think it should go ahead. Parents aren't going to sit still if their child can't do something, falls, one of the children pushes them and makes them cry. On top of that, surely it's breaking the six person rule - numbers are increasing and we need to keep this under control. Also, I can't believe that all parents/children will turn up, so you could end up paying for children who don't come.

I know it's disappointing, but there are still options for your DC to have a good birthday - maybe a trip to a farm park/zoo and a little friend around for tea.

The law is not about what is more or less risky.

The law is the result of a very careful risk / benefit analysis for the benefit of the whole country.

They are trying to reduce 'unnecessary' interactions eg birthday parties to allow for the inevitable increases in 'necessary' interactions eg pre-school / school / work.

Therefore the rules are different for necessary and unnecessary situations.

None of the other 'but' 'but' 'but' stuff matters. Yes, you can go if you didn't know each other. Yes, they mix in school. Yes, they could all be in a restaurant and it's allowed.

Irrelevant.

In THIS situation:

It's a party.

It's a gathering.

Gatherings are limited to 6.

Venue is breaking the law if they allow it.

Why don't you just have a picnic party in the park tomorrow instead op? I'm sure people would understand. Outside is so much safer for socialising.
Also if you change it now then some will drop out. Even safer 👍

Who would have thought that the rule of 6 would be so difficult to understand?

Please don't go ahead Op. Even if you can rationalize it you know it's the wrong thing to do at the current time.

I am still perplexed by the idea that Birthday party at a soft play = sport

Can we stop with this bollocks of 'they are mixing at school anyway'? We are trying desperately to reduce interactions at school as it is (despite the bubble bullshit because it genuinely isn't safe) and we need to reduce any interactions outside of schools to keep schools open and as safe as possible.

I teach in Manchester, my partner in Bolton. Attitudes like this will make matters worse.

This one of the reasons why the rule of 6 (which I understand and intend to abide by) I think will have minimal impact because there are so many exemptions (schools, unis, workplaces, public transport, sports groups, not sure about religious settings etc)
I can understand why because obviously children need education and the economy needs people spending.....basically private meetings/parties are the only things the government can rule against without it coming with a cost to them.

Yes, people need to stop talking about bubbles as if they were magic.

If your child is in a school bubble that does not mean they are spending all their time at school in close contact with every single person in their bubble. It means they might be in close contact with some of the people some of the time and the school/setting will attempt to minimise this/reduce the risk as much as possible. For example they will make children work in groups within the bubble (always the same group), sit them near the same children rather than different ones each time, socially distance as much as possible, go outdoors as much as possible etc. As soon as classmates meet outside of school, unless you are enforcing strict social distancing (extremely difficult with 3 year olds at soft play) you are adding a whole extra set of possible ways to transmit infections. So child A who may not even really come into contact with child B at school suddenly spends an hour running round with them holding hands. All the children hug (probably not allowed at school). The children all run round in huddles and won't be stopped from doing so unless the parents move off their carefully socially distanced tables which adds another infection risk.

And moving away from bubbles is it likely that every parent will stay on their carefully socially distanced table the whole time? No one will have to go and rescue a child from the slide or console someone who is crying? No one will move off their table to talk to another parent? And surely it's the unwritten rule of soft play parties that at least one parent turns up with an uninvited sibling who is not in the "bubble"?

It does seem irresponsible to have a party for 25 preschoolers, during a pandemic, even before this rule of 6. Why such a big party for a 3 year old? Is this now the norm?

Just because they're at nursery together doesn't mean it's fine to encourage even more contact, in a presumably less safe environment. Even without Sd, schools and nurseries are preventing the sharing of food, able to enforce hanwashing and distancing at appropriate times, probably not encouraging 25 children to scream and shout in each others spaces when indoors.

I would be concerned that any venue that allows such a large gathering has a lax attitude more generally to Covid and the associated H&S requirements. I expect the local authority would take a very dim view of angry establishment that actively encourages large gatherings.

I also take a pretty dim view of any parent that takes their kids to soft play at the moment anyway.

Parents will be sitting one per table distanced in masks.

They are preschoolers. Have you been to soft play with a big group of preschoolers OP (I ask because they've been shut for 7 months so you may not have been if this is your 1st). Children will get upset, or stuck, too nervous to go on the soft play without an adult or refuse to get out when it's time to go (been there more than once). I have never been to soft play party with 3 year olds and not had the situation where an adult had to go and intervene at some point and it's usually in the most inconvenient place.

I do agree that there is a weird line about what is socialising in a group vs just being somewhere at the same time especially when small children are involved. About ten of my friends when to a zoo recently with our LOs and didn’t spend more than 2 minutes together because toddlers all tend to run in different directions.

If you all went in four groups of six then it wouldn’t illegal. However, the trouble comes when you start mixing amongst those groups. If you are with five people for ten minutes, a different five for another ten and another five for another ten then you haven’t broken the law at any point but it’s not very socially responsible IMO.

I think even if the venue have found a loophole I wouldn’t be going ahead. We all need to chill out for a moment and wait for things to settle.