Had enough of just about all of my friends

[SofaSurfette]

It seems like pretty much every single person I know is behaving as though this virus doesn't exist anymore. Social media is full of photos of my friends hugging and even kissing. They're having baby showers with everyone's hands on the mum-to-be's bump, and handing new babies around like pass-the-parcel. (A lot of people I know have had babies this year!)

I have only been outside for fresh air since March because I have an extremely vulnerable person in my house and I just don't want them to get it, regardless of what we are allowed to do. However at the weekend I made an exception because it was my best friend's special birthday and she so badly wanted me to go for a "socially distanced drink in the garden". She knows how careful I've been. No word of a lie, I turned up to a house full of people crammed in like sardines. Loud music, people shouting, basically a house party. I dropped off her present and left.

I just really needed to get this off my chest because I feel like I've lost patience now with all these idiots. I'm sure the new rules won't make a shred of difference to the people I know, because they simply don't care. I just don't like my friends anymore, I never realised how bloody selfish they really were.

@SofaSurfette How did you end up with such selfish and irresponsible friends?

This may be true for 2 or 3 of them, but they don't need to go to full on parties and then flaunt it on social media (making it seem all the more socially acceptable, as more people are doing it)

The problem is they've probably themselves been influenced by other people not having a care in the world and doing what they want on social media.

What a selfish generation we've created. Social media has a lot to answer for.

You did the right thing. Better safe than sorry.

Op,Yanbu. I understand the way you feel. I've learned that one member of my family is spectacularly unintelligent (conspiracy theories) and a couple of my friends are very selfish. One of them is lying about her (not) wfh to persuade her vulnerable mum to provide childcare for a 2yo. And laughing about it.

There's nothing I can say but it's destroyed any respect I had for several people too.

Sorry for the armchair psychology but...I wouldn't be surprised if you're struggling mentally Op and this is skewing your view of the "outside world" and coming out in disproportionate anger at your friends.

How on earth are you coping with not going out (apart from fresh air) since March? It must be incredibly difficult, you must feel lonely and isolated, how are you supporting yourself? (financially and emotionally)? You could be living like this for over a year or more.

Firstly, stop torturing yourself by poring over your friend's social media.
Secondly, for your own well being could you consider some sort of social life on your terms or returning to work?

I hope you're ok. You sound young and it must be very difficult to live in such a restricted way. I think your hate for your friends is actually you feeling desperately frustrated. Perhaps your friends are concerned for you? It would be foolish to cut off all your friends. That way leads to further isolation for you.

I think it would help you to relax some of your self imposed restrictions and it is safe to do so. Even shielded vulnerable groups are being encouraged to get out and socialise now.

I understand your anger and frustration. Your friend should have been honest about the situation as she knows you have someone vulnerable at home. However, for yourself, don't just turn bitter and judgemental. Your friend made a mistake and misjudged the situation and she really wanted you there. Could you chat this through with her?

I'm not cautious. Please don't describe me as such because I don't like it.
I suggest you speak with your GP re anxiety medication.

I think at this point, with the virus going nowhere, it’s unreasonable to ask healthy people that would be little affected by the virus to give up anymore than they already have. I completely get why OP feels how she does, I equally understand how the friends in a different situation feel. I think the friend could have been more honest about the party dynamic though, allowing everyone to make a choice for themselves is important

If you're vulnerable, you shield yourself away. Don't resent your friends for living their lives.

That's awful op, I really feel for you :( and I hate the fact we seem to need to have a 'reason' to not want to get sick, but the truth is you have a few anyway!

Roughly how old are you?

It's also made me reevaluate a few people tbh. For how smart they are and how selfish. 🙄 You're not alone, even though it may feel that way right now.

I think a lot of people are going to be pretty overwhelmed with how bad this winter is going to be. And no I don't mean that in a smug or goady way. I'm genuinely quite worried.

@roarfeckingroarr

If you're vulnerable, you shield yourself away. Don't resent your friends for living their lives.

🙄

How did you end up with such selfish and irresponsible friends?

Don't be so over dramatic!!

@SmileyClare

Sorry for the armchair psychology but...I wouldn't be surprised if you're struggling mentally Op and this is skewing your view of the "outside world" and coming out in disproportionate anger at your friends.

How on earth are you coping with not going out (apart from fresh air) since March? It must be incredibly difficult, you must feel lonely and isolated, how are you supporting yourself? (financially and emotionally)? You could be living like this for over a year or more.

Firstly, stop torturing yourself by poring over your friend's social media.
Secondly, for your own well being could you consider some sort of social life on your terms or returning to work?

I hope you're ok. You sound young and it must be very difficult to live in such a restricted way. I think your hate for your friends is actually you feeling desperately frustrated. Perhaps your friends are concerned for you? It would be foolish to cut off all your friends. That way leads to further isolation for you.

I think it would help you to relax some of your self imposed restrictions and it is safe to do so. Even shielded vulnerable groups are being encouraged to get out and socialise now.

It's perfectly reasonable to go out for walks every day and do lots of things in nature especially if you have a family at home.

What I'm really sick of is people who are actually following the rules and keeping their families well are being treated like they're crazy.

Most of mumsnet were doing the same until they all got bored and decided pubs were clearly more important.

And in no way are house parties acceptable. You have to be pretty awful to think that's OK right now.

Even shielded vulnerable groups are being encouraged to get out and socialise now

No we are not @SmileyClare. We are being told to keep our overall social interactions low.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19

@SmileyClare you do realise that shielded groups are still at risk? 😂 the virus is not suddenly OK because the 1st August happened? The op is in an area for numbers are rising rapidly.

Honestly, people on here! 😳

one my my doctor friends joked that she hoped all the arseh (her words!) get it. She then said that also doesn't work as her job will become hell again as she and her colleagues will be expected to treat them and get some horrible viral load. So yeah it's definitely selfish.

I have found that, in my experience, those that are the most vocal about staying at home and being able to self isolate are in the fortunate position of having the financial choice to be able to so. Either because they are furloughed, able to work from home or have a comfortable pension. How have you been able to stay at home since March?

This.

When you're working in a shop or a busy call centre and getting public transport so that other people can stay at home there becomes little point in social distancing, particularly if it makes you miserable.

Expecting others to put themselves at risk to keep the world turning while you sit safely at home is no less selfish imo.

How on earth are you coping with not going out (apart from fresh air) since March? It must be incredibly difficult, you must feel lonely and isolated, how are you supporting yourself? (financially and emotionally)? You could be living like this for over a year or more.

I'm quite enjoying it! It's made me realise that I'm really not a social person. I do understand that most people are, and I don't expect them to live like I am, but it disappoints me to see people being unnecessarily reckless. It's perfectly possible to socialise in a safe manner. The hugging and kissing and leaning in for group photos just isn't necessary though.

In terms of work, yes very lucky, I am a SAHM and DH works from home. But again, going to work is different than going to a house party. I'm not saying people shouldn't be going to work. Just really glad I don't have to personally.

I'm not cautious. Please don't describe me as such because I don't like it.

I have no idea whether you are cautious or not, meeting up outdoors is a cautious way of socialising though so on that occasion you were doing things in a cautious way

Yes but shielded groups are being told they do not need to be shielding at present. My point was that no one needs to be adhering to the extreme restrictions advised in March.

It appears Op isn't doing anything apart from the odd walk. I'm not saying she's "crazy" at all but that way of living is unnecessarily restricted and extremely damaging mentally and emotionally.

There's a middle ground between imprisoning yourself at home and going to house parties. I would advise finding it.

Roughly how old are you?
I'm 32.

Thanks to those of you who have expressed concern by the way, honestly I'm fine And usually quite happy until I became bitter! I wish I didn't feel quite so annoyed by all this and yes I will be coming off social media

So get new friends. Tell them you think they're idiots to their faces rather than slagging them off behind their backs on here and maybe they'll do you a favour of cutting you loose. You are then free to find people who share your level of morality.

one my my doctor friends joked that she hoped all the arseh (her words!) get it.

Haahaa, she's about as funny as a mound of termites .

@SmileyClare

Yes but shielded groups are being told they do not need to be shielding at present.

Correct. We are currently being told to keep overall social contacts low and to continue working from home if possible.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19

Expecting others to put themselves at risk to keep the world turning while you sit safely at home is no less selfish imo.

Which is fair enough but a lot of the time it's bored furloughed workers or people bored wfh, rather than just service workers.

Oh my goodness, you're so right.

My instagram is chocker block with everyone going to parties. Illegal street parties with everyone grinding and twerking against each other. Going to christening and hugging and holding and kissing all the babies and kids. No one gives a hoot anymore. This is why the numbers are going up. We had pretty quiet and simple summer holidays as it's so difficult to find a place where we can socially distance. Its shocking. No one cares. I cannot believe people going out and dancing and hugging and then coming home to their children.

It's sad. And quite depressing.

I understand how you feel OP. I attended an outdoor gathering at my mum’s house yesterday. Outdoor because I requested it, so that started off well. But every time someone arrived, there’s be lots of hugging and kissing, and my mum would laugh and say jokingly ‘we’re not the doing the social distancing thing, xy [me] is the one who isn’t hugging’. And I just felt like a complete oddball after lots of this. I left after a few hours, and as I was heading out they started to pack up to go indoors. Sister tried to hug me and had to be awkwardly reminded to keep a bit of a distance. She knows that, but at that point there was so much comfort around close mixing that she just got caught up in the moment. There was no rudeness from them (I’ll excuse my mum) but just an awkward feeling of being an outsider.