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Original poster

Gran in playpark

48 replies

StillCounting123 · 01/09/2020 21:18

If you are the gran I saw today then hello. Hmm

Was in playpark with my DC. Stood around daydreaming and a woman - guessing around mid-50s age - called me over, said there was room to sit on the same bench as her.

Moment later 3 DC ran up to her calling her gran and asking her to help them up on a climbing frame. They were around 7 years old, and seemed healthy happy kids.

She told them no way, she wasn't going to help them, she couldn't touch them at all, and jokingly admonished them for asking. They moaned then ran off to play again.

I was agog. But didn't day anything. But she struck up a chat with me and said she minds them half the week when her adult DD works. Said she hasn't touched, hugged or been near them since March (start of lockdown). Said she'd never forgive herself if she made them sick or harmed them.

I didn't wap nt to get into a big debate about Covid in the playpark, but am I mad for thinking that she is OTT and messing up their minds and relationship?

Disclaimer: I have minimal family support and no unpaid childcare for my DC, so I'm not sure if that is colouring my view.

What are you all doing?

OP posts:
Spied · 01/09/2020 21:24

I'm making it up as I go along tbh.
I stood and watched as dd's grandfather cuddled my DD earlier today when he visited us yet I told dgm that DD couldn't visit her yet as I didn't want to risk it.
I feel utterly confused tbh and I'm sure I'm upsetting everyone as I try and make sense of everything.

Orangedaisy · 01/09/2020 21:28

I don’t let my parents touch or get close to my DDs. We’ve seen plenty of them but sticking to the guidance as I wouldn’t forgive myself if we passed them something. I’ve only used them for solo childcare once though for my older DD for half an hour in the park next to the pool for my younger DD’s first swimming lesson after lockdown when I wasn’t sure if older one was allowed by the pool. My mum and DD sat in the park and both read their books. I didn’t think the playpark was a good idea in case DD hurt herself and needed a cuddle.

Orangedaisy · 01/09/2020 21:30

Both my DDs know we don’t touch Granny as we’re making sure we keep each other safe. Sadly they also have to be told that other people choose not to follow the guidance, and that’s fine, but not how we do it!!

Intrepidintrovert · 01/09/2020 21:51

If she minds them half the week (and assuming it's not all outside the entire time!) then she's at risk from anything they have (or catch in the park!) regardless of whether she touches them or not.

My kids have hugged the grandparents that want to be hugged - they are the vulnerable ones so it's their choice. The kids understand why some of them have chosen not to.

Frazzled2207 · 01/09/2020 22:23

My kids grandparents are dialling down the hugs but not banning them completely. My dad is potentially vulnerable however and so he washes his hands a LOT and every time after touching them (not seeing them at all isn’t an option)

angstridden2 · 01/09/2020 22:29

We’re hugging our gc, there’s not going to be a vaccine for quite a while and I’m not missing out on a year of their babyhood. They’re tiny, they don’t understand staying at a distance.

Keepdistance · 01/09/2020 22:39

We're staying at least 1m away outside only. Ours are all nearly 70 or older.
Though went to see ggm and she had people sat in her house. But at least that would not be our fault.
With having 2 sets too it's not like it's a bubble and kids are back at school tomorrow...
Also my dm was shielding (though ddad is going to the dentist which is probably more riskipy than hugging the gc)

It is sensible to keep away from school/nursery kids if you are 50+

BackforGood · 01/09/2020 22:44

I think we are all making it up as we go along.

There has to be a balance between being sensible, cautious even, and the odd time when, actually, that close human contact is more important, and probably not too risky if you've been avoiding human touch for over 5 months.

We all need to make those decisions and where our 'lines' will be , will be slightly different for different people, for all sorts of reasons.

Wowthisisreal · 01/09/2020 22:46

Not touching my GGP (80s) and keeping 1m + from them but lots of hugging GPs (50/60). It's their choice and they want to. All GPs are used to childcare now we are back at work. Before then no touching whatsoever. Someone said to me "if my DCs keyworkers at nursery and preschool can hug my children then my own mother can" and it stuck with me.

I think it's up to people to choose what they are comfortable with. I still don't hug or touch my parents myself which seems weird to me but it's better to be safe.

Maybe the Gran was concerned about your reaction? I can imagine that's something my DM would have do in public - make a show of being super cautious while others are watching but at home and in private it's fine? Might explain why the kids asked?

Clymene · 01/09/2020 22:48

Your blaming her for sticking to government guidelines?

Clymene · 01/09/2020 22:48

You're

IloveJKRowling · 01/09/2020 22:52

It is sensible to keep away from school/nursery kids if you are 50+
A lot of teachers are 50+

Original poster
StillCounting123 · 01/09/2020 22:57

Wouldn't say I'm 'blaming her' as such, but just remarking how crazy it is to not touch loved ones. Yes, I know it's a communicable illness and infections happen, not denying the realness of Covid. But I just find it astonishing that this is how life is!

Perhaps because I don't see our parents/in-laws very often I hadn't really noticed much different in our lives (apart from the rules at school) but meeting this gran just really shook me.

OP posts:
Clymene · 01/09/2020 23:00

You said you though she was OTT and goi g to mess up their minds and relationship. I think that's blaming her.

She's sticking to the rules. Whether they're right or not is a different matter but she isn't to blame if this situation messes up kids.

StingsPenThatHeGaveToPhoebe · 01/09/2020 23:04

My mum is 74, lives alone and we didn’t see her from March - July. We’ve seen her twice now, and I haven’t restricted anything, preferring to be guided by her - she works (nights! Mad lad) in a medical setting, so is more at risk from her job than from the DC (3 and 6). She’s done her own shopping etc since it all started, and wouldn’t stay in even if I suggested it.

WanderingTrolley1 · 01/09/2020 23:09

Gran was being sensible.

Keepdistance · 01/09/2020 23:10

Yes i know and seems crazy teachers (and older parents) are expected to go in/send them in with no SD!
Have to say though i dont think a teacher has hugged my dd. But certainly they will be under 1m away.
Dd2 has been enjoying putting on her own plasters at home which is probably a good thing.

As for gp i guess usually they dont also have young dc (my young dc is the main reason i am personally so concerned about covid. Them seeing me ill. Or in hospital etc. Plus they are pretty demanding trying to recover from something with them around is impossible.
So i guess i mean im more concerned about getting it even though im only 40 than if i had no dependents.

IloveJKRowling · 01/09/2020 23:13

Yes i know and seems crazy teachers (and older parents) are expected to go in/send them in with no SD

I agree.

middleager · 01/09/2020 23:29

My MIL is nearly 80 but worried about the risk from her to my kids (who are hulking teens!). She wasn't remotely bothered about herself, but isn't scared in general (was on two buses the first day shops reopened and goes out for meals etc).

So the gran you mentioned might not be scared as such (looks after kids, socialises in park) but just used to 'worrying' over grandkids maybe?

She's not that much older than me and I'm currently working in a tiny crammed office less than 2m apart all day so can't SD. My own dad, nearly 80, goes in for a hug of us all every time. We are all different.

locked2020 · 01/09/2020 23:48

Mine have had a couple of brief hugs and I wish I'd let them do more. Feel sad that it would be too much of a risk once they go back to school. I'm scared of harming GP. DC is starting reception and school have a whole class stay and play with parents in a tiny classroom this week (30 kids), so I gave a hug today as know if school are taking those sorts of risks, kids are going to be deprived of seeing GPs for a while as elderly and I am terrified that they'll pass something on. Hate this feeling of a rock and hard place!

tinkywinkyshandbag · 02/09/2020 06:47

Well we have teenagers and they know not to hug/kiss grandparents but they are going out and socialising, elder DD spends a lot of time in Wetherspoons! But with younger kids I think I'd maybe be more relaxed. I do worry about the long term mental health issues of all this for you get kids, we are going to be breeding a nation of OCD socially distant hypochondriacs

Remmy123 · 02/09/2020 07:02

My children cuddle both sets of grandparents - it's thier choice and it makes them happy, I'm not gong to step in and say they can't.

Both sets of grandparents get on buses / go to restaurants etc and are quite relaxed about it.

BanditsBum · 02/09/2020 07:41

In Scotland children do not have to distance from adults and this has been the rule for months but tbh even before then we didn't enforce it. It was my parents choice (bith in their 70's) and the level of risk they take is up to them, as it should really be for everyone.

Quartz2208 · 02/09/2020 07:55

Said she'd never forgive herself if she made them sick or harmed them.

This is the exact opposite of the problem though - and therefore should be her choice to do

ifonly4 · 02/09/2020 08:03

It's the tiny things we all do that make a difference one way or the other. Covid is still around and not going away, so it's up to us to keep it under control and protect everyone.