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Covid

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Original poster

Gran in playpark

48 replies

StillCounting123 · 01/09/2020 21:18

If you are the gran I saw today then hello.

Was in playpark with my DC. Stood around daydreaming and a woman - guessing around mid-50s age - called me over, said there was room to sit on the same bench as her.

Moment later 3 DC ran up to her calling her gran and asking her to help them up on a climbing frame. They were around 7 years old, and seemed healthy happy kids.

She told them no way, she wasn't going to help them, she couldn't touch them at all, and jokingly admonished them for asking. They moaned then ran off to play again.

I was agog. But didn't day anything. But she struck up a chat with me and said she minds them half the week when her adult DD works. Said she hasn't touched, hugged or been near them since March (start of lockdown). Said she'd never forgive herself if she made them sick or harmed them.

I didn't wap nt to get into a big debate about Covid in the playpark, but am I mad for thinking that she is OTT and messing up their minds and relationship?

Disclaimer: I have minimal family support and no unpaid childcare for my DC, so I'm not sure if that is colouring my view.

What are you all doing?

OP posts:

rookiemere · 02/09/2020 08:03

You said the DCs looked healthy and happy and weren't upset by granny's refusal. If they were 7 and over, they hardly need her help at the playground and it's teaching them self reliance if she doesn't help out.
Is it a bit daft not to be coming into contact with them ? Maybe, maybe not. I'm very cavalier about most things ( am broadly following guidelines though) but I'm a lot more cautious about my octogenarian DPs .

TeeBee · 02/09/2020 10:01

I'm minding my own business and trust that most people are doing what suits their lives and circumstances.

Lweji · 02/09/2020 10:07

Imagine a similar situation a year ago, she could be someone with a depressed immune system who had to avoid catching anything from the children anyway. It happens. Lives go on.
It won't be as the children won't get hugs from their parents. And some families are not very touchy freely anyway.

I'm pretty sure their minds won't be messed up and nor their relationship.

Lweji · 02/09/2020 10:08

@Quartz2208

Said she'd never forgive herself if she made them sick or harmed them.

This is the exact opposite of the problem though - and therefore should be her choice to do

Maybe that's how the parents framed the issue, so that she would keep away from the children.

Elmo230885 · 02/09/2020 10:24

My kids are 3 and 1. Me and DH work so my parents provide childcare. Mostly my DDad as he doesn't work but my DMum also when she's not on shift. Neither are vulnerable so in all fairness we are doing things as normal.
We have seen MIL and her husband and they have hugged the kids. Again neither are vulnerable and they have offered to watch the kids if needed. Both work.
We haven't seen FIL and his wife as he is vulnerable and hasn't been seeing anyone. We respect that and keep regular telephone contact.

FIL lives in an area of concern, the rest of us live in a low rate area.

I think at this point everyone is doing what works for them and doing their own risk assessments. We need childcare as neither of us can WFH. DD has preschool and DDad minds my youngest. I feel better with DS being with family at this age than being in paid childcare, and we are fortunate to have family willing and able to do this. Paying for childcare would also mean there's no point in DH working.

sunandrose · 02/09/2020 20:41

My parents are vulnerable but have chosen to get back to being hands on with my children. Lots of hand washing but I do worry. However, it’s their decision and they’re very much of the opinion that they have already missed out on the children during lockdown, particularly the baby, and life is far too short to wait for a vaccine...

OverTheRainbow88 · 02/09/2020 20:53

My 4 year old climbed up a climbing frame today... my 19 month old pegged it the opposite direction towards the gate, I went for the 19 month old by the time I turned around my 4 year old was hanging off the climbing frame shouting help and 5 adults stood and watched him fall off.

I would never watch a kid fall from a climbing frame because I’m too scared to touch them.

hiredandsqueak · 02/09/2020 20:54

I look after my dgs when dd goes into the office so I care for him as his mother does so at fourteen months I carry him, I feed him and I clean him and I kiss and cuddle him. I can't imagine doing anything differently. I have no underlying health issues and think there is most likely less risk to dgs in my care than if he was in a childcare setting.

HashtagSoup · 02/09/2020 21:18

@OverTheRainbow88

I would never watch a kid fall from a climbing frame because I’m too scared to touch them.

When my children were similar ages to yours I found taking them to the park by myself was one of the most stressful things ever, bolting toddlers and daredevil 4yos. Your poor DS!

Original poster

StillCounting123 · 02/09/2020 21:41

rainbow88 I hope your DS was alright, those adults ought to be ashamed of themselves!

OP posts:

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 02/09/2020 22:05

I'm not sure how realistic it is to watch children half a week and not touch then at all. I guess it depends on their ages.

I struggle to believe a touch / a hug / a squeeze could cause any harm. Far more dangerous to be sat nearish and have them cough in your face, but that's probably because my children and I bubbled with my parents (63 and 65) as soon as we were able to.

stovetopespresso · 02/09/2020 22:10

weird she asked you to sit on the same bench

ChanceEncounter · 02/09/2020 22:14

She won't mess up their minds if jolly about it imo.

I think the kids who will be.most confused are where there is major disparity between approach between settings - so where school.makr them wash hands but home is all 'covid isn't real', or if separated parents are completely different, with one house washing shopping and the other having big parties.

ChanceEncounter · 02/09/2020 22:16

@OverTheRainbow88

I would never watch a kid fall from a climbing frame because I’m too scared to touch them.

They might have worried you would be cross if they did, given they are not supposed to touch other people currently.

RedCatBlueCat · 02/09/2020 22:18

My kids have hugged my parents on the few occasions we have seen them.
But, before school went back, my parents were probably more likely to give us covid. Dad (aged 72) was still working, customer facing, trying to keep his business going.
DH was working from home, and we were not really seeing / interacting with many people.

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 02/09/2020 22:22

I picked up a child who fell over next in me in a playground a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't see anyone nearby looking at him and he'd split his lip hitting the ground and was crying. I put him back on his feet then crouched next to him, getting him a (clean) tissue for his lip. I admit I did temporarily forget about covid

Saw his mum heading over, remembered about covid and said "oh I'm sorry, he fell, I didnt think...." and he pretty much snatched his arm out of my hand and stropped off. Cant do right sometimes I suppose

AmelieTaylor · 03/09/2020 06:44

@OverTheRainbow88. I hope your DS is ok.

I wonder if pre Covid they would have helped or not? A lot of people are terrified of touching other people's children.

I am Very risk averse re Covid, but I'd have lifted him down without a thought. I'd have risked a mouthful from the parent for having done so, but maybe they didn't want to take that risk either.

RobinlovesCormoran · 03/09/2020 06:58

In another thread I've said my Dad is refusing to let his family in his house and none of us are even allowed to see him at a distance in the garden. My mum hasn't hugged her grandchildren since March.

My daughter's other grandparents her GF and Step-GM have been hugging her since we formed a social bubble with them. We meet in the open air once a week. They both have chronic illnesses but have decided to make the most of seeing their families with the time they have left.

user1493413286 · 03/09/2020 07:03

Everyone has to do what they’re comfortable with; at least she is seeing them and I’d guess she’s at an age to understand. We’ve been clear that our 3 year old DD can’t socially distance and doesn’t understand so we won’t be causing her issues by telling her not to go near her grandparents and therefore they have had to decide what they’re comfortable with.

OverTheRainbow88 · 03/09/2020 07:08

Yes he fine thanks, I’ve learnt not to go to that park with them in my own as there two easily openable gates then a road!

It’s sad we live in a world where lots of us are too scared to help other children.

LunaLula83 · 03/09/2020 07:11

Yes OTT. playgrounds aren't clean are they actually now you've made me realise.

THisbackwithavengeance · 03/09/2020 07:19

Interesting thread.

I am 50 but don't feel vulnerable and am still working in a face to face key worker position. Perhaps I am kidding myself.

My DM is in her 70s with comorbidities and is hugging her grandchildren. Is it risky? Probably, but she has made peace with that in her own mind I guess.

I am interested in the opinions of those who feel that teachers etc who are 50 shouldn't have to go back to work. Do you think they should be forced to leave the job or that the taxpayer should pick up their wages for the next decade while they dont work. Is that genuinely sustainable?

minnieok · 03/09/2020 07:34

My DD's are cuddling up to my parents (70's) despite being young adults. My parents know the kids are being careful and we think life is for living not being scared

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