Would you?

[Understandingnotignorance]

Living in a multi generational household where three family members are on the clinically vulnerable list. I'm talking nhs shielded list from March where they were told not to go out even for exercise and to open a window for fresh air. Would you send your child due to start reception to school in these circumstances?

Does it feel fairly safe at school @quietly loud? Was it a decision you had to weigh up or simply a question of no doubt they should return due to mental health and education?

Yes many people come across very hard in their posts. I am just glad not to know people like that in real life!

Don't forget if you bottle it on the first day of term you can just say your daughter has a sniffle or something. There have been worse lies told than that - by our prime minister no less!!

I do not have shielding relatives living with me but my mum whom I heavily rely on so we can work (currently WFH) helps out 3 times a week with my 2 X children. One of my children was due to start school this September. My mother is classed as vulnerable I have been back over in my mind so many times what to do. I brought all the uniform and school stuff needed and last weekend decided I will not send her. Now I have made the decision to home school for at least 6 months I feel so much better about it. Decision made and I am going with it. Lots of people don't agree with what I am doing but I don't need them too. I am happy to keep mine home and I am glad others are happy to send theirs. Truth is none of us actually know and we are all doing the best we can. Good luck with what ever you decide.

Is there anyway you can limit the interaction your DC have with the elderly relatives, eat separately etc!

Deciding not to send your daughter to school right now would be a perfectly reasonable thing to do (it's probably what I would do). Equally if you decide you need to send her then you should just go ahead. I'm sure she'll be fine educationally and socially either way at that age though. You won't need to keep her locked in at home - when the schools go back you can go for day trips to places that are usually too full in the holidays, for a start. There may even be a few people locally in your position, enough for some socially distanced meet ups.

@Understandingnotignorance what a difficult decision. Have you been in contact with the school at all? It might take a bit of the stress away if you know your place will be safe if you decide to homeschool for a while. Whatever you decide, you will be doing the very best you can for your family 💐

Yes

How would you cope in the house if your dc had to self isolate due to the school?

If you have a plan for that could it be adapted for everyday life?

Keeping the shielding adults and your dc totally separate is the only way for everyone to stay in the same house and go to school.

Then as @latticechaos and the OP say, it will never be safe .... so why risk it? Stay in forever and never go out, the risk is still there for the shielded.

I don't know why people keep asking this question!?

Yes - shielding has ended. But as you say the risk is still there.

So shield forever, that's your only safe bet.

Stop moaning about it thou if that's your choice.

@yawnsvillex

Then as *@latticechaos* and the OP say, it will never be safe .... so why risk it? Stay in forever and never go out, the risk is still there for the shielded.

I don't know why people keep asking this question!?

Yes - shielding has ended. But as you say the risk is still there.

So shield forever, that's your only safe bet.

Stop moaning about it thou if that's your choice.

Wow, empathy bypass!

I can't imagine being such a hard-hearted person. Are you like this with RL friends??

My Mum is vunerable, no way would she expect one of her grandchildren to sacrifice their emotional life and education for her.
She would be mortified at the suggestion.

Yawnsville has not put it well.. but he/ she has a point.
How long would you be planning on keeping your child off?

@BillywilliamV

My Mum is vunerable, no way would she expect one of her grandchildren to sacrifice their emotional life and education for her. She would be mortified at the suggestion.

My mum doesn't "expect" it. She hasn't asked me it's what I've decided. My child's education won't be ruined she's just having some time out home schooled whilst we keep an eye on the situation. That's all. Plenty of people have been home schooled and do well in life. Going to school at an age the government tell you too is not necessarily the only way forward you know

@yawnsvillex what to say to someone who says they don't wish to wear a mask so they simply don't. Perhaps its people like you who only seem to think about themselves that make it harder for those more vulnerable to go out? What kind of society people with that kind of thinking make? Thank god not all people are like you.

@sailingfree
I agree that plenty of people have been home schooled and do well in life, but in the OP's situation - and potentially your situation too, if I understand the reasons behind your choice correctly? - the children will miss out completely on the usual socialisation with other children and people outside their family that is normal for most homeschoolers.

Fine for a while, but not for long term. So peoplein this situation need to identify an end point or a 'when' point where the child's needs to develop socially and independently beyond the close family bubble have to be given some precedence.

@sailingfree I have sent you a PM.

@scarby9 I should imagine and like to think that as we move through this, there will be more clarity with time. Right now for me putting the children in school as things are is just something I'm not prepared to risk. I haven't said my children will never socialise with anyone again, I am saying I want to see how this whole thing pans out. I will make decisions / changes as I see fit as things move on. I don't feel I need to identify an end point I am very happy with the decisions we have come too.

It's incredibly hard to make these decisions. I am clinically vulnerable, but was not shielding. I am very worried about the implications of my son going back to school. He's older though, and really wants to go back (if he didn't want to go I might make a different decision).

I think there's a few things to consider.

What are her thoughts on school, does she want to go?

Legally, she doesn't have to start school until the term after she's 5, so you could keep her off for a bit and see what happens (but you would need to discuss this with the school).

Have you spoken to the school about what measures they are taking, are you happy with them, is there anything that they could easily improve? Eg could they agree to let you know when there is a confirmed case in her bubble or in the school do you could take her straight out? Are they doing temperature checks? Etc.

What are the levels like in your area? It makes a difference if they are really low as to whether you feel the risk is reasonable. We've said if infections go over 20 in 100,000 (level that government use to determine quarantine for people travelling from abroad) we will take extra precautions (stop out of school activities for example), you could use something like this as a risk assessment guide for sending to school though.

What are the living arrangements like at home, how easy is it for your DD to socially distance from your relatives, can DD use a separate bathroom to your shielding relatives etc.

If you keep her off, what's the plan for her education? It would maybe be worth joining some home ed groups to get an idea of how others do it, find out the curriculum, especially for English and maths as they are the foundation for so much else.

I think there's lots of people in this position and it's awful. I wish you lots of luck whatever you decide.

Thank you @catsarecute.

The area in which we live is on the government watch list to place in local lockdown if cases continue to accelerate. Social distancing is hard at home, shared bathroom and only one living room. School are quite strict and have simply replied with they are following government guidance and do dd should attend otherwise the options are to be fined or lose her school place (the school is outstanding and we moved house to be in a better catchment). No plan for temperature checks unless a child is displaying symptoms. She is happy to stay home but my concern is it took two years for her to settle at nursery, she has really flourished in terms of her social skills so this could really put her back. But losing an extended family member would be even more catastrophic in her life, she is cherished, adored and adores them all so much. Their bond really is ❤️.

I'm really surprised by how many people are blankly and discompassionately starting what guidelines are.
It makes no sense that someone needs to shield one day and then be back at work and school the next. None whatsoever.

I wonder if you were to home educate whether there might be another family locally in the same boat that you could join up with so your child has another child/children to play with..

We home educate and while we are meeting so that the kids can socialise, none of us are pub goers, or have massive extended families or huge groups that we meet up with. The main thing we're doing is supermarket or the odd trip to a restaurant, so I would think our risk profile within our kids' friendship group would naturally be a lot lower than within a school bubble.

Kids don't start school until later in some other countries so I wouldn't be so worried developmentally. I think it depends on if you can realistically commit to homeschooling the curriculum so she isn't behind next year. The school place thing is very hard - are their other 'good' schools in the area. Sometimes the difference between good and outstanding aren't actually that huge.

I think you need to talk frankly with the shielding members of your household. And ask for more input. Forgive me if I have the wrong end of the stick here, but this very hard decision seems to rest entirely on your shoulders.
To say 'it's up to you' is unfair. They are the ones you are tying yourself up in knots about.

@Understandingnotignorance we are in a similar position, but only one of us is clinically vulnerable (DH). DS starts reception next week. We technically are still shielding ourselves. For the longest time we weren't going to send DS in, because I also have a baby so it's not easy to isolate from DH. But we're slowly coming around to sending him in, at least for the first few weeks. This decision is mostly based on very low rates around here. We're in a commuter town for London, so there's many people, but rates are thankfully low. In your circumstances, given that you're living in an area of rising cases, I would hold back on a school start if it's not feasible to isolate from your family. We have decided that if rates rise, we will pull him out of school. If DS/myself develop symptoms, DH will have to isolate from us until the test results comes back. We will be stripping DS at the door, and he'll be in clean uniform per day. We will still limit contact in all other areas of life. We've been okay this far.

I honestly feel your conflict and I wish the best for you and your family. Fuck the guidelines, you do whatever you feel is right for your family.

Personally I would send the child. It is a difficult one though.

I wouldn't judge you for not, not one bit! So go with your gut