Is there anyone early 30s who is like me?

[Lelophants]

Well late twenties/early thirties (I've just turned 30).

I'm still social distancing. I have a family 'bubble' who I'm close to and we let each other know what we've been up to, but no one else do we get close to. We have our click&collect and have popped into our local supermarket for very occasional items late at night when it's empty (I can count on one hand how many times this has happened). Apart from this, no shops, no restaurants (not even outside). It doesn't logically seem safe enough to me. I meet up with other mum friends in the park or a garden. I have to say I am social distancing before we do, because apparently that is not assumed anymore? Even those who are very nice about it, I feel like I'm being weird. All the babies crawl and touch each other. I initially kept my baby back (he's not crawling anyway) and felt like I got looks from one of the other mums. I then decided to let one of the babies play with mine as am worried about his lack of play with other babies (although he's only 9 months). Since this though I have felt guilty about it as I know children can spread things. I don't exactly think it enriched his life to take that risk! I have a science background and I listen to science and news programmes. I just feel torn.

DH is very busy wfh so hasn't really had to face whether he is different to others or not.

I sometimes feel like I'm mad for still being careful and not wanting to get this hideous virus or give it to my loved ones! But the truth is, for a million reasons I won't bother posting I DO NOT want to get the virus, so surely I need to keep doing what I'm doing?
Am I the only one my age like this? Do others not mind getting it?

Even those I think are the same I see hugging friends on social media and going on dinner dates etc.

Is it really just me?

My DSis has twins about 9 months old. When we started being allowed to meet outside she was really careful to choose big open parks and stayed SD from me and DP even when she was managing both babies crying at the same time on her own which was horrid to watch and not be able to help.
Now when we see her she hands me one of the babies to hold before we've even barely said hello.
They're her babies and of course I've been desperate to cuddle them throughout so I am happy to be led by her and what she feels comfortable with and no judgement or pressure either way from me. But I do wonder whether she (and many others) have simply got tired of SD and are just choosing to take the risks instead.

Hi @Jrobhatch29 thanks! Sounds like you're doing similar to me. I do like the idea of outdoor baby groups! How did you find them? Or were they the ones you were doing before? I think that would help my mental health and my baby tbh.

They are ones I did with my older boys when they were babies. I still had the groups on facebook and signed up when they restarted outdoors. I am doing hartbeeps and baby yoga. They are going to be indoors from September but I am still going to go

I’m early 30s. I’m not going out much but tbf that’s because I have a young baby. I would be going to bars and restaurants if it were more fitting for my lifestyle. I’m not hugging friends, but also have a family bubble who I see nearly every day and mostly indoors. We don’t hug much but don’t bother about 2m distancing. I clean a normal amount, not scrubbing surfaces all day just because my mum’s made a cuppa in my kitchen.

I think my DS’s need to interact with other babies is more necessary than keeping socially distant. So he has tummy time in the park with 5-6 other babies from NCT.

Do you have a particular reason to worry that if you or someone in your family did catch Covid it would be very serious OP?

I am in my 30s and we are still distancing, not going to shops or restaurants etc, but then my DP was in the shielding group. For us the small risk of him catching Covid19 and the risk that if he did he would be very ill is not outweighed by the pleasure of going out for a meal.

DSD and DS will both be going back to school though.

Why do you feel sad that others aren't behaving like you OP?

If you're happy with your choices then that is great, but others maybe would not be happy with the life you're leading given the risk to your age group is so minimal. Surely you can see that there is a variety of opinions when it comes to what people are/arent happy to risk? You can't expect everyone to behave the same as you!

Why do you feel sad that others aren't behaving like you OP?

If you're happy with your choices then that is great, but others maybe would not be happy with the life you're leading given the risk to your age group is so minimal. Surely you can see that there is a variety of opinions when it comes to what people are/arent happy to risk? You can't expect everyone to behave the same as you!

I’ve been to beach, hugged family, stayed over at their homes, been to the shops and I’m always going out to eat. Booked a city break in London.

A couple of films I want to see at the cinema too.

I'm more towards 40 than 30, I'm still being careful. I do think its much harder to SD now as no-one seems to be doing it and looks at you odd if you move away. I have been to a few restaurants though and sat outside to eat but otherwise I have been to the park, supermarket(click and collect), wash hands regularly and meeting friends outdoors but SD. I'm definitely different to my friends as as they are not SD very much (its very apparent if we have a walk and I stop to let people past whilst they carry on).

Everyone needs to take the risks they are comfortable with. I want to avoid getting it as it's new and we dont know the long term effects but if I get it I have genuinely tried to avoid so not much I could do.

We're early 30s, my mum is my childcare so we are not socialising as much as other friends our age - lots of park picnics, and we'll take DS1 to outdoor attractions but not indoor ones/restaurants...we do go to the supermarket and shops though for stuff we can't get online.

Don't know what we'll do once DS1 starts school in September. My dad works in DS1s school but isn't a teacher.

I agree with you OP. I think it's burn out as well for many people.

I don't think it's right that so many are not following the guidelines. Even if they themselves are low risk, it's selfish and disrespectful of others who may not be.

People aren't naive, they just have a different perspective of risk than you.

I'm a pragmatist. To me, Covid is just another virus on a long list of viruses that I could or could not catch. If I get it, I get it. But I'm not going to put life on pause indefinitely.

It's peoples own choice now and they will assess their own risk. My daughter is autistic and this has had an awful effect on her mental health. So yes we have gone back to as normal as we possibly can without breaking guidelines...

Life is for living, I could get hit by a bus the day after a vaccine is discovered. Need to get on with life now :)

I can see it now with all the mums that refuse to send their kids back to school... They will be the first to complain when their child is behind etc.

We're late 20s and DH is going to the supermarket and shops if absolutely necessary for us and has met a friend outside but that's it. I'm pregnant in the 3rd trimester and asthmatic so haven't seen anyone myself that wasn't a medical professional since march, if I get Covid and have to give birth alone then I think that wouldn't be great for my mental health at all (I'm already concerned as we're in a local lockdown area that he won't be allowed there as much as we'd hoped and just hoping that come October I'll either be able to hold on until the magic 4cm dilated point or they'll have changed the guidelines) .

However, for us our families and friends live a bit of a distance away for the most part so although 5 months without seeing them is quite a while, we're used to it sometimes being this long so it's not as difficult as it could be for us and friends have been very understanding that I just don't feel comfortable seeing them in person.

Christ this virus has turned people into absolute pansies

I’m lAte 30’s do hope my view is still welcome

We still do our online shop and a small top up at the weekend, meet friends at park, been in a few of their houses

Have taken the kids to a theme park, the zoo, eldest back to football training, youngest been back in nursery this month
I’m still working from home and happy to keep doing so for as long as I can
Been out to eat a few times

I’m not rushing out shopping as I hate masks, avoiding busy areas or activities and leave places if not happy but likewise in some ways things are going back to normal.

Practicing SD and good hygiene.

I know a few people with self confessed health anxiety who are very much how you describe still. I don’t feel the same but respect that others do and it’s up to them

I'm with @Waxonwaxoff0
It's just a different perspective to you.
I'm the same age as you.
I've just gone back to work from maternity leave as a nurse. 50% of my colleagues have had covid due to the environment we work in it spread like wildfire during the peak.
I am worried about getting it as going into peoples homes we don't know who has it and who hasn't until we're there or afterwards.
My daughter is being looked after by family members.
However this virus isn't going anywhere and we can't continue living like this. So I have saw friends and have been to restaurants. Still socially distancing, I haven't hugged anyone apart from my niece outside of my household. However I'm not stopping my one year old from going up to family members. I don't think it is health for her to be pulled away from her family!It's a discussion we have had between us all.

why can't people meet outside without touching each other? Just find it so weird.

Because thats the fundamentals of being a human. Humans need physical touch its good for mental and physical health. Also i read an interesting article somewhere online (not sure where as my friend who studied biology at uni somewhere in australia shared it) but the jist of the article was how autoimmune conditions could be a huge risk to babies and children now as they grow up because they have been kept away from other people and germs that build the immune system. I think risks should be minimised for people at risk or ghe generally vulnerable but everyone else i feel needs to move back into normal life now before their mental health takes a worse hit and becomes much harder to solve.

I'm a similar age to you and no, I'm not being anywhere near as guarded as that. I appreciate that the virus is out there and that it is infectious, but it's also not Chernobyl, and I believe that with sensible precautions such as hand washing, social distancing in public places and avoiding crowds I can keep myself and my family adequately safe.

What if the vaccine is 4 years away?

Personally I would rather catch the virus than risk a rushed through vaccine.

I wear a mask and wash my hands regularly. Apart from that my children and I are living pretty normal lives. I couldn’t bear to live in lockdown for years. The cost to education, the economy, mental health, health care and society would be too great. Without a functioning economy we won’t have a health care system.

I am closer to 40 than 30 but we are still being very very careful.

DD is at nursery and I have only been meeting my parents and in laws and a couple of friends at separate times in my garden and socially distancing at all times.

I am not letting the DC hug their grandparents, I don't want them to pass anything onto their grandparents. They are fine with it and are happy to blow kisses at them etc.

OP - I don’t think you are strange in wanting to avoid getting the virus. I’m fortunate to be able to WFH, shop online and only socialise outdoors and distanced : my reasons are to avoid getting ill myself or pass it on to vulnerable family.

Other people not distancing is very frustrating: on the other hand am trying to do a healthy amount of ‘safer’ socialising & fun now as think it will be a long and difficult winter

I can see many people not bothering as they are either exposed through work etc, or have convinced themselves they’ve already had it: some will, for others it’s a psychological defence ...

I’m in a similar position to you in that I’m early 30s with a young baby and have probably taken 100 x the risk you have (and not because I have been attending illegal raves or anything). I am respectful of others wanting to social distance etc but personally I would go 100% back to normal tomorrow if I could.

I think your risk assessment prioritises the risk of covid above anything else. I’m much more concerned about giving my baby as normal a first year as possible including normal exposure to germs. We know that the risk of covid to under 40s and particularly children is minimal but we don’t really know what the impact of lockdown on child development and immunity is - my guess is that it could be much worse than covid particularly if you’re looking at years of limited exposure to anyone outside close family.

If we get covid it’s more likely than not that we won’t even know we’ve had it. We could be unlucky and have a long version but relative to the risk of long term consequences of pregnancy and birth this risk looks pretty small to me. For the baby covid features very low on my list of concerns and I say that as someone who is careful around sleep guidelines and put a lot of effort into choosing a car seat so not like I’m that careless with him in general.

Do whatever you’re comfortable with but if others don’t do the same it isn’t necessarily because they don’t understand the risk of covid. They may just think that living in a way which minimises risk of exposure is more detrimental.

I'm a bit older than you and work in a school across 3 infant year groups being hugged and sneezed all over (and in some cases bitten and spat at) and my dc are in school so no, social distancing isn't really a thing in my life now. The risk in children is so low. Not allowing your child at 9 months to interact with other children could have long term effects. As for saying you absolutely can't be ill - there are countless other illnesses/viruses that can cause you to be unwell for a few weeks so unless you've always been extra cautions I do think that that is a bit of an over reaction as well. The chances of catching covid in an outdoor gathering with friends is just so slim even if you aren't strictly distancing and is beneficial to both you and your dc

I dont touch or hug anyone outside my household and the only people who have been inside my house Is my parents but tbh that was the norm for me pre covid I'm not a touchy feely person and I hate entertaining guests. I have met up with friends at the pub in the beer garden and been out to a couple of restaurants with extended family. whilst I've had no physical contact with anyone else ive not kept an exclusive 2m exclusion zone around me.

We all have to make our own decisions on what we are comfortable with. If you are happy and comfortable with what you are doing now that's fine. I would however watch out for caution becoming paranoia its a fine line. Step back take a deep breath and think rationally before making any decisions about doing/not doing something.