It's changed me for the worst

[Melonslicexx]

Just that really. Not the virus itself. But the lockdown. It's really knocked the confidence out of me. I'm abit phobic of going out now. I can go for walks and I've coped on short drives and a couple of hours out with the kids. But that's it. I've not been in a shop. I don't think I will either unless it's an emergency. Its all in my head but masks just make me feel so anxious and self conscious. I can't be bothered to go to town for this reason. It wouldn't be enjoyable. Especially with everyone watching everyone else's behaviour and judging.

I've also lost my fitness. I'm sluggish. My back and neck muscles are so tight and sore. I've got no energy.

I wake up most days thinking great another long pointless day.

I've had to cancel my DD swimming lessons because they can't go in the pool with her now. So all the money we wasted last year for her to not be able to continue. I've not been able to potty train my son because he's not ready to focus on it and that's because he's got a sibling home running about with him. I've also not been able to give him the one on one and find a nursery for him this summer or a child minder. He's not been to playgroup either. I feel he's missed our massively on being s toddler.

Just hate what this has done to me. I have spoken to my doctor but we've agreed pills are not the answer as they are short term. So he's offered me councilling but the list is huge so it won't be in time for September when I'll be a wreck about school runs.

Anyone out there feeling the same? I've wrote this in the hope of people who understand and I hope people don't turn on me because I'm genuinely sad

Everyone is suffering. It's not just you. Lots of people have it worse. Sometimes I think you just have to count your blessings.

I feel very similar tbh. everything is such an effort now. How did you used to keep fit before lockdown. ..I think for myself getting back into fitness is very key..I am thinking of doing couch to 5k.

Yes I agree. I do count them. It's just the bad stuff is hard to remove at the moment. My kids wanted an ice cream from the shop the other day. So I took them for a walk with one out the freezer. Because I was over thinking putting a mask over my face in a hot day. I struggle with the heat too so it feels so much worse.

Everyone around me seems to be popping for hair cuts and to the shops. They've been to the beach. They've been out for food. I just can't do it. I wish I could. When I've tried to push myself I end up having panic attacks or feeling so seperated from things I can't even be bothered to talk. Six months ago this would have never been me

Yes me too.

My mental health is at rock bottom. I'm extremely anxious about leaving the house and I'm struggling to sleep. I've piled on the weight because I've gone from a hectic life of school runs, work, socialising to just being at home all day. And I've been comfort eating and drinking to deal with it.

I feel like I've distanced myself from a lot of people. Some for the better but it's still sad. Life just isn't the same. I know people have had it a lot worse. Some have lost loved ones, struggled financially and been ill themselves.

@gingercatsarebest

Hi. I'm sorry to hear you feel similar. I used to walk 5 miles a day Monday to Friday. Plus extra walks to visit people. National trust place near us has a huge outdoor playarea so we'd be running about in their with the kids. So nothing obvious but I probably walk about 3 miles a week now if that. I've tried to push myself from June when Boris said we would walk as much as we wanted. But it feels much harder with out a routine or reason. Plus the weather has either being crazy hot or raining lately.

I'm just dreading September. The kids won't sleep. I feel weak. I get digestive trouble now which I presume is anxiety and general changes to lifestyle. Just sucks

@HermioneMakepeace I’m not sure that’s very helpful; I’m sure the OP is aware of that but you could say that to people about anything. Just because there are other people in worse situations it doesn’t mean people can’t be sad.

I know what you mean OP; I felt like you about a month ago. I had to force myself to go out particularly to shops and I know feel a lot better about it. Apart from on mumsnet people aren’t judging and watching people’s behaviour as they’re concentrating on what they are doing themselves. Maybe try little steps to get back some of things you enjoy?

It hasn't changed you for the worse, rather it has given you anxiety. You are the same person you always were, and as things change and you find ways to manage your anxiety things will start to look up.

Can you start by choosing to do one small thing that will make a difference, such as going on a short walk, then once you feel ok about that, try another thing?

@Bumblebum14

So sorry to hear you feel sad too. It's still valid regardless of people going through worse. Your feelings matter. It's not that you or I are just whinging when we can do something about it. I think that it is such a huge thing to have done to our bodies and minds and it's not easy to cope. The smallest details we've lost are what I personally feel mostly affected by. Not being able to just go into shops with the kids to start with. Not being able to take the kids swimming. Not being allowed to see our family. Not being able to go into the parks. Not being able to go to garden centers to get bits and bobs this summer. I know I could go to a shop today and let the kids choose a magazine and some sweets. But I'm so stressed about wearing a mask. Which makes me a dick to everyone I know. I accept that due to not wanting to wear one I can't go anywhere. But it still upsets me. I keep thinking how long is this going to the way.

You really do just need to take it a step at a time. When you’ve done something once and realised it’s OK it makes it easier to do the next thing. I know that sounds trite but we didn’t go anywhere for ages so it was a bit daunting at first and feels easier to stay in!

We got a season pass for a local stately home type place so we’ve been there a lot. The first time we were all kind of anxious about it. Now we know the time to go - no queues, and we’ve had the playground to ourselves for half an hour at a time! Lots of people are still staying in and places aren’t as busy and jostling as you might fear. We’ve been to the pub, I took DD for a walk round the shops (in no hurry to repeat this as it’s not fun IMO but it’s worth going just to see), and were even contemplating the cinema. I guess if schools weren’t going back I wouldn’t rush to go out as but as they are I feel it’s better for us all to get used to being around people again.

Also it’s fairly easy to avoid mask-wearing - I stick to the rules and have only worn mine about three times and for brief periods.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad OP. It’s good that you have tried to seek help with the GP.
Life for your toddler and other DC will have been different and yes missing out on toddler groups and social interaction is crap. Missing school is crap. You are completely valid to feel sad about it. The thing is though if you wallow in it for a long time it just doesn’t help and makes you more sad and bitter. My own DC have missed out on a lot particularly my oldest who was in Y6 but wasn’t allowed back at all and missed so much that they had planned for the last 2 terms of his primary school experience. He is starting secondary and all transition stuff was cancelled and lots of things in her new school also gone- fun things like an ice breaking residential, after school clubs, science experiments, music, pe loads just gone. She can never go back to primary and have those months back. Mostly everyone has lost out in some way and school kids have been badly affected.
But you must must try to not wollow in the misery. I have had to let it go and move on. Look for the more positive things And count the blessings you have. You have lovely DC to look after, this time will pass and you have so many brilliant times ahead - they are still so young and there are many good summers and years to enjoy.
You have food to eat and a roof over your head. Think of the friends or family who love you.
Rather than seeing the day as one long drudge, try to enjoy it. Make some positive changes- is there anyone to watch the kids for 30 mins whilst you get out for some exercise? If not then look up something to do home, there are so many workout programmes out there.
Whilst waiting for Therapy, you need to understand that not wanting to go to the shops etc is just anxiety. No one is looking and judging. People are just worried about themselves, they are not looking at you, and even if they are, who cares? Shops arnt really enjoyable at the moment, but it won’t be forever and are shops really that enjoyable anyway with 2 young kids?
Think about where you could take them for the day that they would enjoy. Have a google and a research and take them somewhere and enjoy their little faces. Go to free places, country parks to let them splash in puddles, climb trees, find interesting ‘treasures’ to bring home. Meet with a friend or two with kids if you have any and have some adult company.
Find something to do every day that the kids get pleasure from as this will also give you joy.

You need to build up one step at a time until you can do the things you did before. It means getting out of your comfort zone every day. Take it in small steps, but do it for you and for your children. You will be setting the tone for them. Some can do it faster than others, but you'll be going back to things you've done for many years, with a few small changes. You've just had a break from them, but the muscle memory will still be there.

@SnackBitch2020

Hi. Thanks. Yes I hope it fades with time. Yes I've done walks. We feed the ducks. We've been to the parks. It's just I can't push myself to enjoy anything like days out or shops. We went to a farm a few weeks ago and I was so anxious I couldn't wait to get out. I lost all my energy due to anxiety and that made me panic even more. I think that's the cycle im in. Anxious-loose my energy- feel wobbly and weak-loose concentration- panic- feel sick through the stress .... Feels like I'm trapped in it

Op you need to force yourself to take one step at a time.

The first couple of times you wear a mask it feels odd, you get used to it surprisingly quickly though, wear a close fitting one, they are easier than the disposable pale blue ones you see.

Instead of focusing on all the things you can’t do, or don’t want to do, you need to focus on starting to do things, one step at a time.

Go and buy something at the shop and wear a mask. Start to potty train your child or use a booster seat so they can be like their older sibling. Try to do one thing a day and focus on the postives of it.

Most of us are now living pretty normal lives, albeit with some adjustments, you need to try to focus on achieving the same, as the longer this goes on, the worse it could get.

I don't have much in the way of advice but just wanted to say I feel the same as you, so does the rest of my family. I think the lockdown and mandatory masks will have had such an affect on many people's mental health, I found the curtain twitching and judging the worst for not wanting to go out/be around people.

Thank you for the replies. My partner is off for a week when DD goes back to school. Perhaps that will be a good week to visit our local garden center for abit. I feel I'll cope better with another adult with me. I miss going there. It's a big garden center with a play area, cafe and large outdoor and indoor bit. I've been to the park last week with a friend. I wasn't looking forward to it because I was worried I'd have a funny turn. But we had a nice hour and half out with them. So that was quite positive.

We've had walks to feed the ducks and things to. I definitely enjoy the outdoors more. I agree the shops are not exactly the most fun places anyway and it's ok I guess to not go to them right now.

I just want to learn how to not automatically get panicky about things. So if I say I'll meet my friend. That morning I won't feel well. I can feel it in my Chest. I end up feeling so frustrated because if that feeling would go I could cope.

You've all been so kind to me on here. Thank you It does help. I was worried id be attacked. X

If the anxiety is to the extent that you have panic attacks or have to leave an outing at the farm, then eventual counselling isn't really going to help you between now and when the kids go back to school.

There are online support groups that could start to access now, which might be a good starting point.

When you talked to your GP about meds, what type of medication were you thinking of? It's true that sedatives like diazepam are only for short term use. But that's not the only available option. There are lots of different ways to approach anxiety and panic attacks.

Have you considered wearing a buff instead of a mask, my partner can't get on with masks so has used his buff instead. Also we have struggled with lockdown and are members of the national trust, we have found days out to the national trust to be the least stressful, they have one way systems in place and ice cream/ food on sale outside so a mask wouldn't be needed. The parkland is great for the kids to run around and be free

@Bluntness100

I know I'm well behind everyone else. That's why I've spoken to the gp. I want to be out and about like everyone else. But the weakness and panic is making it really difficult for me to do so. I am hoping September and school runs will bring me abit closer to normal. I am trying to potty train but he can't keep still with his older sibling here. It will hopefully be easier when she's at school.

You are lucky you've coped well with it and I do understand to you I just sound silly. I would have thought the same six months ago.

@WhoWants2Know

Yes he said those were not a long term solution. He offered me anti depressants. But the side effects and how people who are depressed react to them seems a bad road to go down. They come with side effects like nausea and headaches. Because they are already symptoms I get we sort of agreed that that wasn't the road to go down yet. Especially because it's my first experience of worry and panic. I have night time panic attacks about once a month. I struggle sleeping most nights. I also have days when I feel fed up but days when I feel super positive. So nothing is consistent at the moment. I think loosing my routine and then staying home for months has basically retrained my brain to wanting to stay like this. But at the same time I am being pushed back out and it feels too much..
I've started reading a book called Claire weekes. I'm only a little way in but it's making sense so far.

I plucked up the courage last year to go and see the GP because I was anxious a lot of the time, not like me at all. I was offered talk therapy and sertraline, the sertraline really helped, my tight chest and anxiety was reduced. I was sceptical about taking the medication but the doctor explained I might be on it a year and then be able to reduce it and come off it. I found anxiety also made me feel exhausted.

The Coronavirus scare has triggered extreme anxiety in you. I would urge you to go back to the doctors and ask for anxiety medication. They are absolutely not just for short term and you are suffering with crippling anxiety at the moment and some depression.

You need help as what you are experiencing is affecting you and your children.
for you, please talk to your doctor again and don't be afraid of asking to try something like sertraline.

When I started the meds I felt hot and sometimes nauseous but that all stopped after 2 weeks

@cheeseychovolate

Did you get some side effects? Glad you feel better now. It's really draining isn't it. Which leads to feeling unwell.

I have no side effects from sertraline nor does the two people close to me who also take them.

You will be anxious about taking them but how much worse could the side effects be than what you are going through now?