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Original poster

Is their someone I can ask for permission?

30 replies

Lissy23 · 16/08/2020 15:01

I’ve written on here before, but I’m in a bad way.
My current area is on local lockdown (near Greater Manchester) with no update on when the restrictions will be lifted again.
My mental health is very bad at the moment. I have felt suicidal a couple of times lately.
I have a 2 year old son and have/had PND too. I also have regular panic attacks.
My partner has been around since the start of lockdown, but is due back to work full time in September, all being well.
I was planning on going to my in laws regularly, so as to not be on my own with my DS, as I’m very much struggling to cope and specifically with the thoughts of self harm and suicide, I’m worried I’ll be a harm to myself and inadvertently him.

My in laws are happy for me to go round there during the day, as if I have company and I’m not alone, I’m less likely to feel these things and slip into a dark hole. Coping with a toddler at the best of times is hard, but even harder at the moment. No playgroups and none of the usual activities that were keeping me afloat previously.

The problem comes in that we are not allowed to mix households unless in s support bubble. I’ve spoken to my doctor and he said he thinks it’ll be a good idea and I’ve spoken to a local mental health charity that I use regularly too, they have peer support groups and a helpline, they also support my decision.

The current ‘law’ has exemptions for vulnerable people needing help and assistance. I feel I fall into this catogery currently. But I’m wondering if there’s a way I can get ‘permission’ officially. Maybe from calling 101? I’m pretty desperate now and as September looms I’ll do anything really. But I don’t want to get a fine/get into trouble/get a criminal record or get my in laws into trouble.

Please be kind, even if you don’t agree with what I’m trying to do. I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
Racoonworld · 16/08/2020 15:07

I’m not exactly sure but you could try your local police or your council, I’d imagine it will be one of them.

For what it’s worth I’m really against people trying to bend the rules to suit themselves but in your case it seems necessary and you’d be being sensible just bubbling with one household. I hope you get it sorted.

Malteserdiet · 16/08/2020 15:09

Just go and don’t even think twice! Your well-being is of a far greater priority and you don’t need to obtain any permission. I hope you feel stronger soon.

ThatDamnScientist · 16/08/2020 15:17

I'm against people wanting to break rules, but you are NOT breaking the rules. You are a vulnerable person (and in turn so is your child). You MUST seek the support you need to keep you both safe and that means going to your in laws, the law allows it in situations such as yours during lockdown situations.

What about if it helps calm you, your dr writes a letter that you can keep with you backing you up and that states that as a medical person he says you are vulnerable in your current situation (I do not think you would need it but if it helps settle your nerves surrounding the support you and your child need)?

ShastaBeast · 16/08/2020 15:20

I don’t think there will be anyone. But I’m sure your GP can vouch for you if needed.

We stayed with family in the area, arrived just before it was announced and we were there over a week. No one reported it. If they did report you I doubt the police would take it further, even if they did attend.

I’m in a park and there are loads of people meeting friends and family with much less than 2m between them. No one cares. And we have a family member die so take it seriously generally.

itsgettingweird · 16/08/2020 15:20

Give yourself a break Thanks

Your not trying to break rules and go around drinking at various friends houses during the week.

You need to visit the same people each day for the sake of your health. To receive care.

I would perhaps ask one of the support groups to write a supporting letter should anyone ask. I doubt they will though.

BlueJava · 16/08/2020 15:23

Just go - you discussed it with your doctor and they said it was a good idea. Hope it helps and you feel better soon!

Bluntness100 · 16/08/2020 15:25

Op, just go you don’t need to ask anyone for permission.

MajorClanger123 · 16/08/2020 15:29

Please just go - permission is not required. Covid does NOT trump your mental health or the welfare of your child.

DailyKegelReminder · 16/08/2020 15:33

Just do it. Do not make yourself suffer when its not needed. Tell no one (less judgement) and just stick to the agreement you have with in laws.

picklemewalnuts · 16/08/2020 15:36

It looks like you have the permission of most if not all of Mumsnet. You do what you need- and you do need to. It's fine.

islockdownoveryet · 16/08/2020 15:50

Permission ? Just go ..
I'm in greater Manchester too dc goes to in-laws for childcare because I have to work it's not allowed but fuck it .
Sorry but you going to see family is not causing the pandemic to spread it was those idiots going to illegal raves a great weeks back .
Honestly things like this make me mad you need support your GP has told you it's a good idea your health is important.
People are loosing sight of what's important, the stay home mantra is all well and good but you need to do what's best and what's best is what your gp has said .

icedbun5 · 16/08/2020 15:55

@BlueJava

Just go - you discussed it with your doctor and they said it was a good idea. Hope it helps and you feel better soon!
Absolutely. If you get stopped by the police say you’ve discussed it with your doctor. Don’t worry about it at all, you are doing the right thing.
strawberrymilkshakemonkey · 16/08/2020 15:58

just go op. i hope you are ok. your mental health is important too, and you certainly shouldn't sacrifice it for the virus. xxxxxx

sashagabadon · 16/08/2020 16:01

You do fall into the vulnerable category from what you have said and your in laws are your support bubble.
Just do it

SickOfNorthernExile · 16/08/2020 16:03

You don’t need permission, OP.
Just do it.

I’m a LP with a history of MH issues and waaaaay before it was “allowed” formed a “support bubble” with my mother and a friend who wasn’t officially shielding but was being investigated for lupus so to be safe wasn’t seeing anyone else.

I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of that.
It kept me sane and able to work from home and look after my 4yo, isn’t friend was supported at a difficult time, and my mother who has had two breakdowns previously felt much better able to cope.

Do what you have to do OP. I promise you nobody will think less of you. Flowers

SE13Mummy · 16/08/2020 16:14

I wonder if you would find it helpful to have a formal letter from your in-laws stating they are in your support bubble so you have something to show anyone who might challenge you?

Perhaps they could write something along the lines of:
To whom it may concern,

This letter confirms that on advice from her GP (Dr Thingy, Whatever Surgery) and X (name of mental health charity) Lissy23 is attending our home (include address) as we are her designated support bubble. Please telephone us on the number below if you wish to discuss this.
Yours faithfully,
Lissy23's in-laws.

It sounds as though your in-laws are keen to support you, them writing a letter for you to have with you would be an extension of this. As others have said, it's unlikely you would need any evidence of official permission but what's important is that you feel you need it.

june2007 · 16/08/2020 16:21

So your family becomes your support bubble so it,s ok to go to theirs. Don,t really see why you think you need to ask.

kimlo · 16/08/2020 16:44

You need support, just go.

This isn't a case that you just fancy visiting, or you want to socialise. Your doctor agrees that it's a good idea. If anyone asks then you just say that they are your support bubble

Original poster
Lissy23 · 16/08/2020 18:04

Thanks everyone, the reason I was worried is because I’m not really meant to have a support bubble as I’m not a single person living alone or a single parent. However I think and hope this is an exceptional circumstance.

Also realised I put the wrong there in the title, as I was panicking and rushing.

OP posts:
latticechaos · 16/08/2020 18:11

Just Flowers and bless you for caring so much and trying so hard not to break the guidance. I believe your doctor knows best what you need.

Miljea · 16/08/2020 18:23

A) You won't get stopped, and B), Go. Your MH trumps Covid.

Hope things improve for you x

cologne4711 · 16/08/2020 18:37

You don't need a support bubble, you can see people for care purposes.

And presumably you could also meet them in a park, which is allowed.

So you really don't need to worry. You have at least three options ot be "legal" - support bubble, care and outside meetings.

cologne4711 · 16/08/2020 18:38

I also think by September things will have eased anyway, it didn't take very long in Leicester.

OpheliasCrayon · 16/08/2020 18:54

I'm not sure you need actual permission. It's always been the case since the start of lockdown for everyone that if your in a vulnerable position you can go to another house. Just go .

Bol87 · 16/08/2020 19:02

Oh OP bless you. Honestly, do not worry about it at all. I’m in Kirklees so also in these new lockdown rules & I’m yet to see anyone sticking to them. My neighbours on all sides have had friends & family round this weekend, the pubs & restaurants are full of multi household groups, the parks full of people not remotely distancing etc etc.. The rules are ludicrous. It’s not people meeting their mum & dad in the garden that’s spreading Corona. It’s pubs, gyms, indoor activities & disenchanted youths being rebellious against all rules.. it makes me cross. Either do a proper lockdown to actually get the cases down or don’t bother. Cos no-one is listening to these half arsed ones as they make no sense.

I hope you are OK OP. Sending a really big hand hold 🧡