So so worried (sorry, school thread)

[Beebityboo]

First of all I'm sorry about another schools thread but I'm having my nightly panic attack about this and need to talk to someone.
I'm disabled, vulnerable to Covid and my 5yo has a terrible immune system. All three of my DC's go to brilliant, hard to get into schools that they enjoy, particularly my eldest who has Aspergers- finding a suitable high school after years of bullying was not easy.
But I am completely terrified about schools going back. I really do feel as though I might die this winter. We've been so careful, barely seen anybody, and now I'm expected to pack my 12yo on a 45 minute public bus each day to a crowded secondary? It just feels so overwhelming. We have no choice, we can't wait and see, there will be fines/prosecution.
I think it has just sunk in today that they have to go back or I have to home school, there aren't any other choices.
Whilst I'm sure I could academically manage it, I know that socially none of them would do great. We're in a newish area and none of them have close friends yet, they'd be mostly stuck at home all day with DH and I as we don't drive, live rurally and feel public transport is a risk.
I just need some reassurance/advice. I'm vulnerable to Covid but not shielded so maybe I'm just letting my (admittedly terrible) anxiety get to me but I don't trust this government anymore and I think a second wave seems almost inevitable now. Is sending them in the right thing to do? Would I be being selfish to keep them home because I'm afraid to die and leave them?
I just don't know what to do .

You are understandably anxious.
You have conditions which make you vunerable as does your child. Could you speak to the school? I am from Scotland and the schools are now back. Children who have conditions are required to have a risk assessment specific to their needs. It might help you to know what mitigations can be put in place for your child.
If you are really worried, what about a tutor?
I don't have health condiions and am a teacher and have children.
I am very worried that I will catch it. I have sent my children in because the risk is low here in the community for now but I may reconsider if community transmission becomes prevalent.

I do think you are letting your anxiety get to you but that doesn't mean you're being unreasonable - it must feel horrible.

I'm terrified of flying in a plan (normally, not for Covid). I know logically there's a 99.9 percent recurring chance that I will be fine but it doesn't stop panic attacks, copious amounts of valium and a feeling of certain impending death.

The problem with both that and dying of Covid is that they are almost irrational fears but not quite. It's not like a fear of UK spiders for example. That is a very real fear but you can tell sufferers with total confidence that there is zero real danger. You can't do that with Covid. There is danger. It's just incredibly unlikely to happen.

I don't have any real advice. Just wanted to say I understand (and I'm a teacher so it's possible the school might understand and be lenient for the first few weeks?)
Only possible ideas:

1. Could you afford taxis for a little while, until you can see if public transport is a source of transmission among the pupils?
2. Is there anyone who lives near you who might be prepared to help with lifts - not technically allowed I know.
3. You could pretend to be self isolating with symptoms for a while until you see how things play out.

Sorry meant to say, I am also worried my children catch it. I don't want them to have it either!

Hi didn't want to read and run. Are you having some help for your anxiety? Schools in my area have been going back slowly with a view to all going back in Sept. Im on the Governors and see the huge amount of time and effort schools are putting gin to get the children back safely.Realistically they have got to get schools back up and running and plenty of schools in Europe have proved there is barely any risk at all. As you say you aren't required to shield so I think you may need to try and take a deep breath (hard I know) and let the kids go x

@Onesipmore

Hi didn't want to read and run. Are you having some help for your anxiety? Schools in my area have been going back slowly with a view to all going back in Sept. Im on the Governors and see the huge amount of time and effort schools are putting gin to get the children back safely.Realistically they have got to get schools back up and running and plenty of schools in Europe have proved there is barely any risk at all. As you say you aren't required to shield so I think you may need to try and take a deep breath (hard I know) and let the kids go x

I really don't get this about schools in other countries. Most have halved their classes and have put in other stricter measures. Here, in Scotland, it is mostly business as usual. Apart from handwashing and bubble [ of 30 plus] and no SD. Hardly the same as Sweden for example.

I say definitely talk to the principal and talk it out and see what you think and what they may come up with too. I think manicinsomniac kind of put it brilliantly, it's an almost irrational fear but unfortunately possible too. There might be a happier medium

I really sympathise. I’m old, so don’t really have a dog in this fight, but I do know that if you did decide to home school, there are many many others doing the same. There is absolutely no reason why home schooled children need to miss out on the social benefits otherwise gained from schooling. Try Facebook for local support.

My DC at secondary has a supportive, wonderful head teacher who says he doesn't want to fine vulnerable parents but I think the lea will insist after a while, we won't be able to keep her off indefinitely and she's too young to go in a taxi alone imo (12).
I just feel defeated, like all of our caution was for nothing. I've not seen my family since March. I just want to feel I'm doing the right thing for all of us, and have enough information to make an informed choice, but it seems like the news changes daily about who transmits it and how much etc.
I do have cptsd and an anxiety disorder but haven't been getting help for a long time as I was well on the road to recovery until all of this set me back again .

I'm also completely terrified of flying and that's a good analogy. Although if I'm honest I don't expect to ever get on a plane again but it seems like I'm not going to be able to avoid Covid. I feel that catching it is inevitable with three DC's back at school and using public transport. We're in the Midlands too, in an area that was hit badly.

Do contact the school. It is quite likely that they will say nothing can be done, but at least you asked. You never know, they may be able to offer something that can help. There are many people that agree with you and will understand.

Hi, I don't think 12 is too young for a taxi alone if that would help, you can ask if they can confirm someone who usually does school transport perhaps.

Only thing I can suggest is decide what you are doing for the first week only. Then review. You can send them in and change your mind, you can say you're concerned and change your mind.

How do your children feel? Worried about you a bit perhaps.

My eldest wants to go back but thinks the plans are scientifically , but hearing more from friends now about them not wanting to go back. The plans are so stupid they are all starting to question them now it seems.

Oh OP I really feel for you my DC aren’t school age yet but I know if they were I would be majorly anxious about it. I’m not clinically vulnerable but have terrible anxiety and am (in my case irrationally) worried about us all getting covid.

To be honest I think the fact vulnerable parents will be fined if they don’t send the kids in is really harsh . As you say the info / recommendations / science is constantly changing and there’s a lot we don’t know about covid.

I’m afraid I don’t really have any practical advice but if you think your children would be ok (socially) with short term home schooling then there’s no Harm in trying it. Otherwise, try to remember that even if you’re vulnerable the risk of dying is very small and a second wave is not guaranteed.

I don't think DD would take a taxi alone and I doubt it would solve the issue of being in a "bubble" of 220 all day but its a solution I hadn't considered so thank you.
Yes I can't quite believe they are going to fine the disabled and vulnerable over this issue, I've never had the misfortune of feeling discriminated against for my disability until Covid. It's awful.
I would home educate through the winter in a heart beat if I could guarantee they would have school places at the end of it and it would be the biggest relief. But it doesn't seem as though its going to happen.

I think they’re a lot of us and the schools aren’t going to want to lose all that funding. Even if the places are taken, the LEA is losing money.

Like a PP said, take a block of time at a time, I suspect that loads will keep their children off so the government will have to allow it to make it seem like they’re in control!

Have you seen the Facebook group - boycott return to school? I’m on that more than hear now as don’t get peoples concerns drowned out like you can on threads on here (not this one 🤞).

Take care.

Are you on
Boycott Unsafe return to school FB

No but I do follow the twitter as of this evening. I don't use facebook.

I don't myself think the analogy to flying is a good one. There is potential for significant increase in risk in the community with this virus. We have the ability to significantly alter the risk by our behaviour and our choices, both as individuals and as a society. It is reasonable to change our behaviour (and we have to, for example, wear masks in some situations, or we would be breaking the law).

Also, for most people, flying is a very occasional activity, and there are obvious alternatives, if, for example, we want to go on holiday.

Whereas with coronavirus we need to modify our behaviour every day, we have only just come out of a government-imposed lockdown and it is still changing the way we lead our lives quite significantly.

So I think we are not looking at an irrational fear (which is what a phobia is). We are looking at a way to manage a situation that is in itself a very reasonable cause of some worry and concern.

@herecomesthsun

I don't myself think the analogy to flying is a good one. There is potential for significant increase in risk in the community with this virus. We have the ability to significantly alter the risk by our behaviour and our choices, both as individuals and as a society. It is reasonable to change our behaviour (and we have to, for example, wear masks in some situations, or we would be breaking the law).

Also, for most people, flying is a very occasional activity, and there are obvious alternatives, if, for example, we want to go on holiday.

Whereas with coronavirus we need to modify our behaviour every day, we have only just come out of a government-imposed lockdown and it is still changing the way we lead our lives quite significantly.

So I think we are not looking at an irrational fear (which is what a phobia is). We are looking at a way to manage a situation that is in itself a very reasonable cause of some worry and concern.

I tried to explain that yesterday but you’ve done so much better! I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, people are being made to feel like they have a silly, irrational fear. A fear that should be overcome for the greater good of the economy, I mean education (how do you do that crossing out thingy?!).

Boris strikes me as a reckless man, prepared to gamble with lives. Did anyone see his speech back in March about being a hero, I’ll go dig it out... he is not gambling with my children’s and my health. I can see why people need/want school, of course I can, but he should be looking at how to reduce numbers in the classroom and making it as safe as possible.

Like others have said, speak to the school about your anxieties and ask them to talk you through the systems they have in place to prevent the spread of covid. Also, speak to your GP and any specialists involved in managing your disability about how far you now need to be shielded and how much of a risk they think your kids returning to school might be. They may be able to somewhat put your mind at rest.

Anybody who witnessed the fiasco of the A level results this week and saw the damage being done to thousands of teenagers in this country should have got an insight into how crucial education is?
These children are our future. The longer this shit show goes on in the education department the more and more damage is done to this whole country. When we’re older these will be the decision makers, the doctors, the scientists, the people fuelling they economy. We need to be moving heaven and earth to get education up and running again. Look at the other thread on ‘do you know anyone with coronavirus symptoms?’ hardly anyone knows anyone with current symptoms and haven’t for quite some time. I’m in SE near a well populated commuter town and haven’t known anyone with symptoms since March. Community cases in this country are low, your risk of being infected is low. I personally would not risk compromising my children’s education if they were all in a good school but if your anxiety is going to make this very complicated for you all then perhaps you should consider de-registering and be kind to yourself given the fact you’d like to avoid covid at all costs.
Why do you think it’s inevitable there’ll be a second wave? Where has this fabled second tsunami of cases occurred anywhere in the world? Current statistics show that hospital admissions are continuing to fall at a steep rate and cases are only high because testing has massively increased. The U.K. has had lower deaths on average for something like the 6th week in a row. More people die daily from flu, car accidents, cancer, heart attacks etc. Perhaps these sort of statistics that put the risks in context would help you op? If so do look at the statistics and data thread- it’s very sane and helpful!
Good luck with it all! It’s been such a hard year for all of us.

So of course you need to play it by ear and liaise carefully with the school.

There are lots of people on here urging other posters to de-register, I don't know why.

This would be an absolute last resort for us, and you are absolutely entitled, in the middle of a pandemic to think about what is in the best interests of you and your family.

Good luck xx

It depends. What is your condition and how old are you? By far the most important factor in Covid is age, then sex. If you are a woman under 60 the chance of death is absolutely tiny no matter what your underlying condition is.

Denying your children an education and a claim life will absolutely damage their lives. It would be totally selfish to deprive them still further due to your own anxiety.

@Eyewhisker

It depends. What is your condition and how old are you? By far the most important factor in Covid is age, then sex. If you are a woman under 60 the chance of death is absolutely tiny no matter what your underlying condition is.

Denying your children an education and a claim life will absolutely damage their lives. It would be totally selfish to deprive them still further due to your own anxiety.

Ahem. If that is the case, why did the UK government ask women under 60 to shield for over 4 months?

Cheers.

And stop gaslighting people over their reasonable concerns about infection control in a pandemic.

Did you mean to be so rude?

So glad when I read posts from people like @herecomesthsun some weird posting going on at the moment trying to make people feel like they have anxiety worries if they’re concerned about their’ and their families’ health just six months into a global pandemic.

With nearly 60000 excess deaths in the uk alone. With science that keeps changing. And “wrong” science that apparently caused previous bad decisions. There is nothing strange about expecting caution and slow growth with regards to the opening of schools. These are our children and our loved ones.

Hi, I would definitely contact the school and ask to see the risk assessment. I am a Sec School Teacher, who was shielded and I have to return to work, in a large bubble to teach. The risk assessment shows what the school is doing to make it as safe as possible. Seeing that may help.

If more money was put into schools ( instead of say bike servicing with £50 vouchers) then they could employ a cleaner to clean toilets in the day, perhaps smaller classes for students who are ECV, smaller class sizes - who knows!! Sadly there is no more money but Heads are doing their best.