So so worried (sorry, school thread)

[Beebityboo]

First of all I'm sorry about another schools thread but I'm having my nightly panic attack about this and need to talk to someone.
I'm disabled, vulnerable to Covid and my 5yo has a terrible immune system. All three of my DC's go to brilliant, hard to get into schools that they enjoy, particularly my eldest who has Aspergers- finding a suitable high school after years of bullying was not easy.
But I am completely terrified about schools going back. I really do feel as though I might die this winter. We've been so careful, barely seen anybody, and now I'm expected to pack my 12yo on a 45 minute public bus each day to a crowded secondary? It just feels so overwhelming. We have no choice, we can't wait and see, there will be fines/prosecution.
I think it has just sunk in today that they have to go back or I have to home school, there aren't any other choices.
Whilst I'm sure I could academically manage it, I know that socially none of them would do great. We're in a newish area and none of them have close friends yet, they'd be mostly stuck at home all day with DH and I as we don't drive, live rurally and feel public transport is a risk.
I just need some reassurance/advice. I'm vulnerable to Covid but not shielded so maybe I'm just letting my (admittedly terrible) anxiety get to me but I don't trust this government anymore and I think a second wave seems almost inevitable now. Is sending them in the right thing to do? Would I be being selfish to keep them home because I'm afraid to die and leave them?
I just don't know what to do .

You have every right to feel concerned, and it's not an extreme reaction to a pandemic to feel anxious.

I've personally found that the more actual, practical things I've explored, the better I've felt, so even while being still very torn, I don't have that same overwhelming fear with it now. (Or nothing like as often!)

Like others have said, talk to the school and find out where they stand. It might not be an answer you want, but then that's a definitive answer and you can then move to the next bit. If you're on Facebook, there's a group aimed at Temporary Home Educating, which seems quite well-monitored to focus only on people who are concerned, and people have posted really similar worries, and also lots of suggestions, and hope in it just being temporary, if you do decide to do that at any point. Also, see if there are any other people in your area (I appreciate you say it's rural, but there might be another couple of families in a similar position).

There's still a few weeks to decide, so no rush. But knowing all your options - what the school might offer/what new measures it might put in place - and how you might approach temporary home-schooling - I found does help to feel less out of control.

I hope it goes really well, and you do get support from somewhere: school or community.

We seem to cross paths on these threads op. The best option would be to allow us to home school for the first term and keep our child's place. And then review.

Have you thought of an online high school?