Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Dd wants to go to a "socially distanced rave".

60 replies

BoxhillBertha · 08/08/2020 11:45

She's 20, usually living away from home but came back in March for lockdown. Back to her uni town in September.

She finishes work in a week and wants to go to a "socially distanced rave" in Bristol.

I don't want her to go and come back home after. I'm worried it won't be socially distanced at all!

I have two other dcs, both school age, due to go back in September which we are all desperately hoping will happen. One of them has bad asthma and is in the last year of A levels.

We live rurally and have been so careful to socially distance, we've had friends over in our garden and that's about it.

I understand that dd1 is bored but surely she can wait until she returns to uni in September and is away from home?

I'm not sure how I'll cope if anything jeopardises the dcs return to school and therefore my return to work.

She has said she's going to go anyway Sad and I'm not sure what to do next.

Just to say to the inevitable "she's an adult she makes the rules", I don't think her need to go to a rave is more important than everyone else returning to school and work as safely as possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoxhillBertha · 08/08/2020 12:58

certainly dont want the vulnerable 17 year old looking after someone who is self isolating Confused

OP posts:
MRex · 08/08/2020 13:09

Can she get an airBNB in university city for the 3 weeks before her flat is available? Or call up and see if there's any way it can be available early for extra rent? Then she can do whatever she likes and it doesn't impact on the rest of you.

SquishySquirmy · 08/08/2020 13:09

At 20 She is an adult, so that means you cant stop her going.
However it also means that you have no obligation to allow her back into your house after. She should be old enough to understand this and to find the solution herself (if she really wants to still go). If she doesn't want to make alternative arrangements then she misses the rave. Her choice.

There is a big difference in risk between meeting friends locally, and travelling to party with large numbers of strangers.

I don't understand the sitting at tables thing - how is that a rave? Surely that is just sitting listening to music? Why travel all the way to Bristol for that? Will people actually stick to that?

In your situation I would clearly (and nicely) spell out that it is entirely her choice but if she goes, she doesn't come home after. It seems fair for her to bear the consequences, all other options push the consequences onto the rest of the family.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/08/2020 13:18

I’d say no however given you are planning to use schools in September I don’t see how one night is a risk but five days a week in a packed classroom with no social distancing isn’t.

Original poster
BoxhillBertha · 08/08/2020 13:25

IceCreamAndCandyfloss
They are at private school in classes of 12 with strict social distancing and masks.

OP posts:
KitKatastrophe · 08/08/2020 13:25

@OpheliasCrayon

She's 20. .... Why are you trying to stop an adult doing something?

I'd love to go to an actual non socially distanced rave.

Because her actions will affect others in her household
Original poster
BoxhillBertha · 08/08/2020 13:28

She won't get an air b and b she's too tight! Possibly she might stay at boyfriend's house

OP posts:
squeekums · 08/08/2020 16:41

Can confirm. ... Very ... Interesting!
Spend my 20s doing it....
But I cannot imagine a SD one!!
Oh I know, best years of my life lol
Cos I went to so many in my youth, id love to see a SD one, it would be such a mind fuck

Original poster
BoxhillBertha · 08/08/2020 16:57

Yes, I'm 54. I went to many a rave in my youth. This thread isn't about that though.

OP posts:
OpheliasCrayon · 08/08/2020 17:03

@squeekums

*Can confirm. ... Very ... Interesting!* *Spend my 20s doing it....* *But I cannot imagine a SD one!!* Oh I know, best years of my life lol Cos I went to so many in my youth, id love to see a SD one, it would be such a mind fuck
Maybe it would be like those silent discos?
AlphaJura · 08/08/2020 17:04

I used to go to these things when I was younger (not socially distanced of course) and they were fun and I can see how someone of that age would want to go. But they are kidding themselves if they think a load of people on drink and drugs will social distance. Especially with loud music pumping so you can't hear anyone. BIL is a pub landlord and he has said it's been a nightmare since they opened back up. They've kept to all the guidelines re screens, sanitiser, advising sd but as soon as people have a couple of drinks, it all goes out the window. The other thing to consider is, if someone there did have it, how are they going to locate everyone who was there to advise them to self isolate.

Rosehip10 · 08/08/2020 17:07

Raves = taking Es

Purpleartichoke · 08/08/2020 17:11

I would not let her back in the house if she went. If she wants to go, she should pack her belongings and move in advance.

squeekums · 08/08/2020 17:14

Maybe it would be like those silent discos
That would be cool
Or like old school drive ins where each car/table in this case, has a speaker in the middle

Original poster
BoxhillBertha · 08/08/2020 17:15

Also, aren't we supposed to self isolate if she is self isolating?? Or is that only if she shows symptoms? My other dcs CANNOT miss the start of school if we csn at all avoid it.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 08/08/2020 17:19

Also, aren't we supposed to self isolate if she is self isolating?? Or is that only if she shows symptoms?

You’d only need to isolate if she has symptoms.

Zany15 · 08/08/2020 17:21

She could easily come back and be carrying the virus, yet be asymptomatic herself, therefore risking passing it on to the family. If she can't see that, she is being incredibly selfish. If you can't stop her going, then insist on her living somewhere else for 14 days when she comes back.

HerRoyalNotness · 08/08/2020 17:23

@titchy

Is she prepared to self isolate afterwards? If so then send her with your blessing. It's not really fair to expect her to take on responsibility for your broken arm, although I recognise what a pain that is.
It’s not fair for the OP to take responsibility for her Dd self isolating in the house because she chose to go to this event either
KitchenConfidential · 08/08/2020 17:26

A socially distanced rave? Where they sit at tables?!
ROFLMFAO

Original poster
BoxhillBertha · 08/08/2020 17:28

Ok, so I've seen the details and it actually looks very well thought out. Tables, one way system, infra red thermometer on arrival, hand sanitiser. Bars though, not table service and obviously people are going to get drunk and off their head ,not dd as obviously she is an angel Hmm

OP posts:
annabel85 · 08/08/2020 17:32

Is the rave all legal?

I'd phone the police anyway, if not just to make sure it's monitored so some kind of lip service can be paid to SD.

Perihelion · 08/08/2020 17:32

Where's you DD been working? Because that could already have been a risk. As is your kids going back to school and you going back to work.
I feel so sorry for young people. I too went raving when I was young. I can't imagine coping with this pandemic as 20 something. It's not an illegal rave, I'd let her go and welcome her back.

PotteringAlong · 08/08/2020 17:37

Would you let her go to the pub? Or a restaurant? It sounds very well organised and well thought through and I think you’re being a bit unreasonable here

NC4Now · 08/08/2020 17:40

Sounds like a shit rave.

minisoksmakehardwork · 08/08/2020 17:44

Apologies. I misread the 17yo being the vulnerable one. How old is your third?

I get it, I really do. It's easier to have friends over and in the garden where you can control what is happening rather than letting her go to an event where with the best will in the world, you and she cannot truly know that everyone else will be following the rules laid down for a safe event.

The only other alternative then is to suggest she moves out for the rest of the holidays if she wants the freedom to make her own decisions about what she does or doesn't do.