Party this Saturday with 30 people invited!

[MBalloch]

Hello all

As the title states, my very close friend is having a party this Saturday for her little girls 1st birthday. A few weeks ago she said she was having the party in her flat and there would be ten people there. However, this has now changed and it is now taking place at her mums (she lives in a small flat and her mum has a house) and around 30 people have now been invited.

I'm so shocked by this. She and a few of her family members have shielded during this and they are now all attending a big party

I agreed weeks ago to help decorate and now I am feeling very uncomfortable doing so because;

1. my dad is elderly and is in the 'at risk' category and what if I catch it and pass this on to him?!
2. it goes against scottish government guidance of avoiding crowed places and household numbers.

She also had a slagging match about her in laws not going for the same reason...

I met her today for lunch and asked her about the numbers and if she felt comfortable with it and what if neighbours reported her etc. And she seemed totally defensive about it, so much so, I changed the subject.

My question is... would you;

• go along early in the morning before party starts, decorate, see birthday girl etc. Then leave as numbers start rising or..
• Would you stay if the party is outdoors and avoiding sitting with large numbers (that's the plan weather permitting) and leave immediately if it is moved inside?
• Or not go altogether?

I've spoken to my other close friend who is also going about how she feels and shes totally baffled as to why I'm not comfortable with it and her mum has health conditions... is it really just me?!?!

What would you do?

I would combine 1 and 2. Go early, help decorate and see birthday girl in peace, then stay for as long as it was outside / as long as I felt able to socially distance (I wouldn't try for 2m, I would be happy to sit for eg at a garden table with others) based on size of garden and number of guests. I am in Wales so have had similar dilemmas around socialising/ sticking to the rules while others are happy to spend time with everyone and anyone and no social distancing.

Options one and two both sound sensible. 10 people in a small flat is more risky than 30 in a garden, isn’t it?

I know but it isn't a huge garden - I wasnt 100% okay about the ten people in the flat either but that was only going ahead based on scottish guidelines so I'm just baffled how a bigger party that totally breaches guidlines is okay!

But yes I'm steering more to a blend of 1 and 2 also.

Let's hope it stays dry!

There is no way I'd go personally...but none of my friends or people I know are gathering like that. If you dont feel comfortable with it, you should be able to decline and there shouldn't be repercussions for you..Everyone feels differently about things at the moment and part of friendships is respecting that xx

I'd go with option 1. Help her set up and as the first guests start to appear I'd slip away...

I had this situation a few weeks ago (uk)
I am on the shielding list but haven’t been shielding due to consultant telling me I’m moderate risk, not clinically vulnerable.
It was a family 1st bday party, probably about 40 people, in a garden. Me and the kids arrived an hour before the stated time, then probably stayed for an hour and a half or so, when lots of people started arriving and I no longer felt comfortable we left. Worked well for us!

I’d drop a gift off before the actual day remaining outdoors and whether inside or out wouldn’t be going near a large event.

I wouldn’t be going, staying safe and well
and protecting my Shielding family members who need my support is more important that the feelings of someone who clearly doesn’t care about putting others at risk.

Honestly, I know it’s ‘guidelines’ but I’m using common sense. I wouldn’t pack into a flat with 9 others at the moment but would sit in a garden in the fresh air with more than that. I accept it’s totally up to you but you’ve asked what we’d do

Personally I think she’s silly getting up in arms with people who wouldn’t go though, everyone’s doing their own risk assessments at the moment and people have to be understanding that not everyone is going to come to the same conclusions.

I'd probably be happier outside than in a flat anyway. Leave when it gets busy.

I wouldn’t go. It totally against the guidelines for this to be happening.

Thanks for all your replies 🙂
Hopefully the weather is dry and the party remains outdoors. I will be mega careful, probably will not eat from the buffet, will not sit in large groups etc. Should it get to a number I'm not comfortable with or if the party moves inside, me and my DH will be off

How many households though?
I'd probably go with options 1 and 2 too.

There's a couple of events planned in my village in August with a maximum attendance of 30 people. It was queried on facebook with lots of people saying 6 was the max (that's what I thought too). The organisers have said that 6 is a guideline but 30 is the legal limit for gatherings so it's up to individuals to make their own risk assessments.

If the above is true, I guess they're not doing anything wrong. I wouldn't go if it was 10 inside a small flat but I'd probably be ok with 30 in a garden at this point.

I wouldn't go if I was one of the previously shielding relatives though!

No one year old is going to remember its first birthday. Waste of time, this is more for the adults

I wouldn't go. You said you're shocked by it, so clearly it wouldn't be the right thing for you to do. You don't know where her Mum has been for a start, let alone 30 others. You'll be constantly washing or sanitizing hands, SD will be impossible.

Does she not read the news?. I would not go, end of story.

Don't go! Goes against all the rules.....

Don't go. The spikes we are having here and around the world, are fuelled by younger people, especially in social gatherings/night clubs etc.

Option 2.

Ps Slanging match

This is why we’ve got cases rising again. People think social distancing is finished and they can just go with what they’re comfortable with.

The Scottish rule is four households with a max of fifteen people. Stay until that gets breached then leave. If the party goes indoors, it changes to two households max. Just follow the bloody guidelines.

As far as I know 30 people socially distances is ok now? Its no different to going to a restaurant or pub. You seem like a sensible person who takes this seriously so I imagine you are conscious of keeping socially distanced etc.

Look at the guidelines I just posted hannah. That’s what applies in Scotland-maximum 15 people. It’s clearly stated there.

I wouldn't go. Anyone who thinks that's a reasonable idea and number at the moment doesn't understand how the virus spreads and is likely to be taking lots of other silly risks. For the sake of a baby's birthday - no. Drop off a gift, wave, go.

@purpleDaisies oh apologies! Thank you for correcting me, you are absolutely right