Envious of those who have moved on - I'm still stuck on March.

[Lou0808]

DD was only 5 weeks old at the start of lockdown. I was already suffering with postnatal anxiety and I have a history of OCD.

I didn't cope very well at the start of lockdown.
Due to underlying health conditions (mild asthma, psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis)
I've convinced myself that if/when I get Covid I will most certainly die.

DH has been working from home and with the exception of the Drs and pharmacy, neither of us have been to any public places for months.

I've always taken DD out for walks and over the past month we've been going to the park, I've had my mum over in the garden.
As little as those things sound, they are huge accomplishments for me.

The problem is, I feel so ready to do more, but fear is stopping me.

I have a lovely group of antenatal friends, a cousin who had her baby 6 weeks before me, and a sister in law who had her baby 5 weeks ago.
Equally at the start they were all very anxious, didn't leave the house and all felt scared.
However, now they all seem to be moving on very quickly and their anxieties have subsided.

My antenatal friends have suggested several meet ups but I've yet to go along.
I want to, really I do, but I'm still as scared now as I was back in March.

A couple of the girls have been to the hairdressers, and to their parents houses, it makes me feel so bad that the most I've managed is the park and my mum in the garden!! 😞

My days are beginning to feel very repetitive, get up, shower, go for a walk, play with the baby, have tea, bath baby, go to bed.

I feel so desperate to get out, I'm such a social person and I love being around people, but my fear is stopping me.

I don't want DD to spend her days in the house, I want her to be out.

It doesn't help that in my area there are 15-20 new cases daily for the past week or so (population 300,000) which to me feels like a lot of new cases!!

I'm having CBT for anxiety and OCD and feel it's definitely helping, but it worries me that I will never be able to resume any kind of normality whilst ever Covid is around, and realistically I know this could be years, perhaps forever!

I have really good days where I feel positive and confident, I felt pretty positive a few days ago and I text a few of my antenatal friends and have arranged an outdoor meet up next week!!

But then I read stories of people who have caught Covid but don't know where from as they don't go out much, then the fear comes back and I want to stay in.

I'm considering cancelling the meet up but I know I need to go.

The girls have been seeing their families and friends and it does worry me about the contact they've had with other people.

I'm seriously so envious of people that are resuming some kind of normality.
I'm still living with the same worries and fears I had in March. 😞

Hi
I wanted to respond because being stuck in the house with fear for company is crap. You are very unlikely to catch the virus outside, especially if you are distanced as well. People who 'don't know where they caught it' probably did not do so outside. Also, you are not them - other people's accounts of their experience can be very unhelpful at the moment, as you latch on to things that make you more scared.

I was on another of your threads. I think it's amazing you've gone out for walks and seen your mum. That's huge. I just wanted to say well done.

You can only keep taking small steps. I bet you if you set yourself the challenge of going to the hairdressers or to a pub once a month or seeing a friend outdoors for the next few months, things would start to feel less scary. Small steps. It feels much scarier sitting at home worrying about it all than it does actually being out and about once you're used to it.

@TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair

I was on another of your threads. I think it's amazing you've gone out for walks and seen your mum. That's huge. I just wanted to say well done.

You can only keep taking small steps. I bet you if you set yourself the challenge of going to the hairdressers or to a pub once a month or seeing a friend outdoors for the next few months, things would start to feel less scary. Small steps. It feels much scarier sitting at home worrying about it all than it does actually being out and about once you're used to it.

Thank you.

I'm so deprecate to just get back to some normality but the fear at times is over whelming and it feels easier to stay in, but then that equally makes me feel worse too.

Also have a read of this

lockdownsceptics.org/why-leicester-doesnt-need-a-local-lockdown/?fbclid=IwAR0xqvtc2JZqbvgWOwmmud1tGFYf2AoSdS6ef8NaF1X60kId-qY1AL3uiJ4

Check in with Karol Sikora each day too - his positivity rubs off on you twitter.com/ProfKarolSikora

There are other positive news accounts too, like this one twitter.com/coronavirusgoo1?lang=en I'm sure there is a bigger one but I can't remember the name of it.

It's crucial you step away from any overly negative media and seek out positive stories. There are so many positives now, with the levels of the virus dropping so much and more people surviving if they do get ill. The more you can dripfeed positive stuff to your brain, the more it might filter through.

Desperate**

Hairdressers haven't even been open a week, you'd struggle to get an appointment! I haven't even tried! Actually I haven't been indoors anywhere except home since March either, but have started having people to the garden and meeting up outside. I feel very comfortable now that the local infection stats are really low for my area, it's just that we're all now on that habit to only be outside. Planning to do a pub beer garden one afternoon next week though, woohoo!

Keep up the baby steps, as PP says, set up something outside that you're comfortable with and go from there. It might also help to look at infections only for your own local area, especially when you aren't going anywhere else!

Hello Op.
I think you are doing brilliantly. In many ways I am still stuck in March and I am not dealing with a newborn, but instead with kids who can all pretty much entertain themselves

What I meant to say but posted too soon was, it's normal to feel worried, I think.
Kindest wishes to you

Hi OP I have noticed here in the park some mums with babies sitting 2m apart - it looked really sweet. Maybe you could build up to something like that or a walk with another mum with the babies in pram / buggy.

I have found the site Next-door quite good for people arranging things like this, I also am quite anxious but going to try an outdoor yoga class (possibly)

@MRex

Hairdressers haven't even been open a week, you'd struggle to get an appointment! I haven't even tried! Actually I haven't been indoors anywhere except home since March either, but have started having people to the garden and meeting up outside. I feel very comfortable now that the local infection stats are really low for my area, it's just that we're all now on that habit to only be outside. Planning to do a pub beer garden one afternoon next week though, woohoo!

Keep up the baby steps, as PP says, set up something outside that you're comfortable with and go from there. It might also help to look at infections only for your own local area, especially when you aren't going anywhere else!

Most hair dressers have been booking people in before they even opened. They have in my area anyway. My hairdressers asked people to put their name on a list and she was contacting those people first the minute she opened.

Hi OP, I feel very similarly to you and so really sympathise but have an older dc and a 1 yo who is into everything and walking/ railing everywhere and putting everything in his mouth meaning even socially distanced outdoor things are hugely stressful as he just tries to head towards other people and I have to spend the whole time trying to stop him

You're on the right track! Keep going - I too saw your other thread and it's great that you've done so much.

We were walking round the park the other day and saw two mums sitting 2m apart chatting, then a few metres away, two small boys 2m apart playing pokemon. It was very sweet.

I think just keep doing what you're doing - maybe next step is to meet up with your cousin or friend in the park. And once you've done a "new thing", keep doing it and work it into your weekly routine until you're ready to add another.

Another thing that might help is makinig sure you add variety where you can, however small. So for example in your daily walk, do a different route each day. When you watch TV, don't watch the exact same thing at the exact time every day. If you don't let yourself slip into very rigid patterns, you won't have to work so hard on breaking them.

Hello op! Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I find once you start doing things they become a lot easier. But the longer you keep away from people, the harder it is and the more the fear sets in. I haven't hugged another adult since Feb. I am seeing my parents soon and I wasn't going to hug them but I've decided that I will (they are happy to!) I think there comes a point when mental health becomes more important, especially as community transmission isn't high at the moment. 15 cases is so low in the grand scheme. Just keep things outdoors and you'll build up your confidence. Would you let your mum in the house?

@Yetiyoga

Hello op! Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I find once you start doing things they become a lot easier. But the longer you keep away from people, the harder it is and the more the fear sets in. I haven't hugged another adult since Feb. I am seeing my parents soon and I wasn't going to hug them but I've decided that I will (they are happy to!) I think there comes a point when mental health becomes more important, especially as community transmission isn't high at the moment. 15 cases is so low in the grand scheme. Just keep things outdoors and you'll build up your confidence. Would you let your mum in the house?

No I don't even feel comfortable my mum coming in the house :(

My sister is in your position albeit without children, I am worried for her. Try and stay off social media, so many false stories, too much scaremongering. Maybe just little walks at first, quiet places to get confidence?

I just wanted to say well done Lou, it's massive that you have gone to the park and sat in the garden with your Mum

I feel you should maybe go to the meetup but only stay an hour. Have an excuse ready for why you have to leave then. They will be really pleased to see you I'm sure. This will show you that you are able to do this. Baby steps Lou, you have to start with a single step to be able to complete a marathon don't you.

@MarshmallowManiac

I just wanted to say well done Lou, it's massive that you have gone to the park and sat in the garden with your Mum

I feel you should maybe go to the meetup but only stay an hour. Have an excuse ready for why you have to leave then. They will be really pleased to see you I'm sure. This will show you that you are able to do this. Baby steps Lou, you have to start with a single step to be able to complete a marathon don't you.

Thank you

The thing with fear is that the more you don't do the thing you're afraid of and you're OK, the more you prove to yourself that not doing it = being OK.

But if you do the thing and you're OK then it becomes clear that the original concept is wrong. But you can't get to that understanding unless you bite the bullet and do what you're afraid of.

Unfortunately, like various other problems, the solution is in your hands. I don't say this glibly, I understand. You may need to keep muttering to yourself that you'll be OK, you'll be OK, when you go out.

OP I am exactly exactly the same.
I haven't been out to a public place other than the doctors this week for DS jabs.
I am desperate to go to a Wilko or a supermarket but I just can't do it and it sucks!

My sister literally won't open the door now. She is getting online shops, and deliveries but says she won't change her position until a proven vaccine comes out.

This sounds verry much like post natal anxiety / depression but unsurprisingly, focused on covid since that’s the obvious thing to fear right now.

I agree with a PP that the more you do, the more you will prove to yourself that it’s ok to do these things. I’m not suggesting you go off to a rave of course but maybe set yourself little goals like, go to the corner shop, meet a friend for a walk in the park, etc. The more you do the less anxious you will feel.

Try to build it up a little, managable thing at a time.

I haven't had the worries of pregnancy/ babies but do have a naturally anxious child with ASD. It's been important to us to keep going out as normal as is possible, and it has helped us to build up to going to a museum and cafe without any issues. He was anxious with a constant "tummy ache" for weeks from late Feb until lockdown. Doing and realising that it's OK is the besf way to counteract poorly controlled fear.

Early motherhood is hard enough without normality being torn up by an overcautious response to an illness with very similar risk factirs to flu. There is support if you need it.

The world is much, much safer than it was in early March when everyone was busyjng around without precautions.

I with you OP. I have been out on one walk since the 20th March.

I have 4 DC's. The oldest is 15 and has been out socially distancing with friends but the youngest 3 haven't been out once.

DH goes to work on a one week on, 2 weeks off basis and when he comes home I make him shower and all his clothes go in the wash. Same with DD when she comes in.

I wipe down everything that comes into the house such as deliveries and food and post stays on the window ledge for 3 days before I move it.

My mum and dad came round about 2 weeks ago and had a cup of tea in my garden but only I went out with them.

I am a germaphobe and have emetophobia and before covid, I was always wary when something was going around so this has just completely thrown me.

I'm blood group A which I've read don't fare as well, my youngest is only 3 so unaware of the need to stay away so the safest thing is to stay in.

But now the world is opening up. I'm getting invited to socially distanced gatherings, the kids activities are starting up including their dance group which i help to run. I'm a massively sociable person so I want to do all these things but fear is stopping me too.

I just want to be like everyone else.

Lou0808 I am in the same situation as you (apart from having 2 older children), and it sucks. I only leave the house with my DH to collect the food shop, and that is all I do re: leaving the house. Home is my safety blanket. Every time I have ventured out, something has happened to set my anxiety off (someone getting too close etc), and that’s why I don’t like going out when I can stay at home, but I know it isn’t good for me or my children.
It was much easier for me (and many others) when lockdown started, and that is simply because I could keep my family safe in our home, and if we went out, we rarely saw anyone. Now, life is returning to a level of normality, and I don’t feel ready for it. I couldn’t cope with meeting up with my in-law’s recently, but I knew I couldn’t stop my 2dc going, as much as I desperately wanted to.
My parents are coming out of shielding very soon, and me and 2dc are planning to walk to a nearby coffee shop with my Mum for a takeaway. This feels huge for me right now, but I know I have to do it.
We can all do this! Baby steps, but we won’t let this beat us OP! Big hugs.

P.s you are doing amazingly well coping with a newborn/sleepless nights/hormones on top of all this. Give yourself time. Have you considered speaking to your health visitor/GP?